Teach Me How To Fly
by RMGryffindor
Summary: Lily Evans is afraid of heights. When she needs to learn to fly, she signs up for a camp over the summer. Who knew James Potter would end up being her coach, with a strict no coach/student policy. Fly through the ups and downs with this dynamic couple. JL
1. The Pie

**Lily Evans**

I'm not an irrational person, I really am not. It's the rest of the world that is so damn bonkers. Really, I mean, getting on a wooden stick and flying hundreds of feet in the air just to toss a fucking ball around does not seem normal. I, however, like any rational person, know that people shouldn't want to fly that high. I, like normal people, get nauseous and feel sick and start to hyperventilate if I even go a few feet from the ground, because I know that humans were built to walk, not fly.

It was the end of the school year, end-of-school exams were finished up, and summer break would start in just a few days. Throwing my belongings aimlessly into my trunk, I slowly found the floor to the pig-sty the sixth year Gryffindor girls called a dormitory.

"Marly, this is yours, right?" I ask, picking up a D-cup bra, much too large for her chest. All the girls in the room giggle as she snatches it out from my fingertips and turns a beet red color.

"It was a dare," she grumbles, before shoving it to the bottom of her trunk. After a good chortle, we go back to cleaning up. Objects are being tossed left and right, and after only an hour of cleaning, the dormitory is somewhat clean. Plopping down on Alice's four post bed, I lie, spread eagle, pretending to be winded.

"Whew, that was a lot of work," I titter. "Alice, darling, would you mind bringing me a glass of lemonade from the kitchens?" She grins, before shoving me off her bed and onto the floor with a thud. Frowning at her, I jump to the bed and started tickling her frantically. Somewhere throughout our tickle fight, Mary and Marly (our two roommates) leave the room and are replaced by an unwelcome visitor.

"Girls, please," says the suave, familiar-sounding speaker, "If you're going to do that, at least take your clothes off. It would be a much more interesting show." I whip around, as does Alice, and my eyes snap to the tall boy standing at the door of the dorm.

A raven-haired boy stands there, his hair growing past his ears and almost reaching his chin. He's wearing casual robes and a pair of Muggle jeans.

"Black," I spit. "How did you get up here." He gestures to a broom, which is leaning up against the door frame. When I glance over to Alice, a slight tinge of red adorns her cheeks and she is glancing down at her lap.

"Wow, I've never seen the girls dorm look so clean…" he ponders, looking around and surprised. When has he been up here? Has he been snooping?

"No, I have not been snooping!" he exclaims. Shit, did I say that out load? Oh, whatever, I was going to ask anyway.

"I'm going to get my stuff from the bathroom," I say, ignoring Sirius's obviously untrue denials of his inquisitive problem. Slinking over to the bathroom like the sloth I am, I start to grab my shampoo and conditioner from the shower and place them in my toiletries bag. After a few minutes of grabbing my belongings, I walk back out into the dormitory.

When I get there, I become quite confused. Sirius is sitting quite close to Alice, with a hand on her face and lips only inches apart. Her expression seems scared and confused. God, he's trying to make a move isn't he.

"Sirius Black!" I cry, and they jump apart. "Stop trying to make a move on my best friend. Sheesh, will you flirt with anything that has legs?" Alice chuckles nervously and Sirius jumps up off the bed in a very hyper, Sirius-like manner.

"Only if they have legs like yours, my Lily-flower," he flirts, giving me a huge wink. Rolling my eyes, I shove him out the door, and then throw his broom out after him. After slamming the door, I walk over to Alice and chuckle.

"See, this all happened because of Quidditch. He used his broomstick to get up here, and then he practically molests you. They should just outlaw the sport entirely. And, I mean, doesn't he know you have a boyfriend?" Alice looks at me, cheeks still slightly flushed.

"Lily," she says, her voice slightly timid, as always. "You know you have to be able to fly to be an Auror." I almost break out laughing at this statement. See, Alice is always trying to get me to fly, one way or another. This is just one of her stupid tricks.

"Oh, okay Alice," I say mockingly and sticking my tongue out at her.

"Go check the sheet requirement for an Auror on that pamphlet you got at career day," she says, nodding over to my trunk. I roll my eyes for what feels like the millionth time that day, walk over to my trunk, and start rummaging through it. My fringe starts falling into my face, and I pull my red mane back with the elastic on my wrist. Finally, my fingers find the smooth surface and I pull the pamphlet out, dusting off the pink substance that somehow found its way onto the paper.

"Hmm, let's see, must pass such-in-such OWLs, must be able to Apparate, must be able to fly—what?" My eyes start watering and my head starts spinning just thinking about having to fly.

"Alice, I can't be an Auror! Alice, I can't be an Auror if I can't fly!" I feel queasy now, so I shove my open trunk off my bed and flop down. The contents spill everywhere, but I don't care.

"Stop being too melodramatic," she laughs and walks over to my bed. She sits next to my head, and combs my hair back in that motherly-like manner. "Just take flying lessons."

"Even if I wanted to, where could I get flying lessons?" I yelp, feeling as though my world is going to crash down. Now, I know what you're thinking, I'm acting crazy. But you don't understand, this is my life goal! Plus, as Alice said, I carry the trait of being very overemotional.

I hear a loud sigh from where Alice is sitting. I'm assuming it's her, unless another stranger has kidnapped her from out of the room and is imitating her. Though that is very unlikely, I don't feel like opening my eyes, preferring the dark world of my eyelids.

"Lily, have you been listening to a word I've said this past month? I'm going to be coaching a Quidditch camp!" I can hear how annoyed she is, and now I vaguely remember hearing her talk about some Quidditch camp. She had been droning on and on about it at dinner to Mary and me, talking about the logistics of all the moves and such, and I had been staring at Potter—no, I had been staring at _pie. _I remember very specifically staring at _pie _that night, and remembering how it had been ignoring me the entire year. It didn't even say hi to me in the hallways, or flirted with me, or anything! That goddamn pie was ruining my life.

For a few moments, I zoned out (thinking of pie, of course). "Lily!" cried Alice, shattering the daydream I had just been in, where a certain pie was slowly leaning toward me, crust puckered… damn it, what was with all these daydreams I had been having lately?

"Oh right, hello Alice, lovely child," I say, snapping fully out of my dream now. She gives me one of those 'I know you're my best friend but you're an absolute nutter' looks. She gives these to me quite often, if you can imagine.

"So…" she looks at me questionably.

"Wait, what were we talking about again?" I ask with a guilty shrug. I get a look so horrifying I almost fall off the bed.

"Do you want me to get you into the camp?" she bellows angrily. I give her an apologetic look and nod.

"How much is it?" I ask nervously. Alice comes from a wealthy family, and I know she used to spend her entire summers there. It couldn't be that expensive, could it?"

"Two Galleons an hour," she says, calm again. My mouth falls open though, as I hear the price. Who has that kind of money to waste? At my expression, she quickly speaks up again. "I get free lessons though, because I'm coaching there. You can have them."

I shake my head and say, "No, you'll probably want to save those. I can find another—"

She cuts me off and says, "Lily, take the lessons, I won't be using them." I nod my head awkwardly, knowing she will just keep insisting I take them. My family isn't poor, not at all, but we aren't wealthy either. We're smack in the middle, but that doesn't mean I have Galleons to waste. It was uncomfortable for me, whenever Alice offered to buy me sweets or gadgets down in Hogsmeade, claiming "it's nothing." Seeing her deal out the Galleons, though, definitely made it feel like something.

"Thanks Alice," I mumble, my face turning that awful shade of red it did when I was embarrassed.

"No problem," she replies sweetly, her temper having now disappeared. "I'm going to go send an owl to the head, and tell them you're coming. It starts the first week of summer, at ten o'clock. It's a big commitment Lily, are you ready for it?" she asks, a smirk coming across her face. She knows I'm always up for a challenge.

"Always," I say, determined to cure this fear of heights I have had since I was a child. She nods, and starts off for the Owlery, but pauses in the doorframe.

"Hey Lily?" she says, turning around to face me.

"Yeah?"

"You're going to make a great Auror."

"What do you mean I'm not in your class?" I gasp on the first day of camp at _Mr. Chandler's Quidditch Academy_. The sun is hot against my back, though I'm only wearing a tank top with a sports bra underneath. I'm also clad in a long pair of 'Quidditch shorts' as Alice calls them, though they just look like Muggle basketball shorts to me. Apparently, no one wears Quidditch robes like normal, because of the sweltering sun beating down on us.

"Well, I'm teaching intermediate, and you're taking beginners'," she scoffs as if it was obvious. I have an urge to stamp my foot and tell her to switch me, but realize how weird people would look at me if they saw my childish acts. Choosing a few choice words, I mutter under my breath.

"What was that, Lily?" asks Alice, a scolding look playing across her face. I shake my head and clamp my lips, not feeling like getting a talking-to in front of all these people. Shit, how did Alice become my mother?

"Nothing," I murmur, looking down at my shoes.

"Here you are," says Alice nervously, and I snap my head up to look at her.

"What's wrong?" I ask, seeing a knowing look in her big blue eyes. She runs a hand through her shoulder length, short blonde hair and bites her lip, before whistling a tune to herself randomly.

What the hell is that about.

I turn around, still slightly pissed about the fact that Alice has gone all weird, when I see it...er, him rather.

The pie is standing in front of me, his eyes connecting with mine, both of us frozen on our feet. A kid is dangling in the air, one he was obviously helping, and I can vaguely hear his cries of help from the broomstick. But I don't move, because all I can think about is him being there; of spending my entire summer with some God-awful piece of pie. He is mince pie, when I am craving apple.

His lips are moving, the words slowly moving out like molasses, but my ears are still ringing. The pie, otherwise known as James Potter, _will be teaching me how to fly._ For years I perfected the art of making him think I was flawless, that I was perfect. And now, with one stupid summer camp, he would discover my greatest fear: my fear of heights.


	2. Of Quaffle Passing and First Names

_Chapter Two_

After the incident in fifth year, I was pretty sure I had gotten over Lily Evans once and for all.

I realize the moment I see her that this isn't the case.

She has always had a way of catching me off guard, whether it was refusing to go out with me when I was sure she would want to, or levitating me by my ankle when she saw me hexing Snape, or-in this circumstance-taking a beginner's flying camp, usually designed for eleven- to twelve-year-old kids. Not a fully-grown and legal-age witch.

Obviously, she is just as surprised to see me as I am to see her. Both of us freeze at the sight of each other, and the poor kid I was instructing is left hanging as I take a long look at Lily. She has the same fiery red hair and deep green eyes, the latter set aflame upon seeing me. I haven't seen her up-close for quite a long time, and I've evidently forgotten just how gorgeous she really is. And she's definitely gotten taller since we last talked...Still not quite as tall as me, of course, but the added height definitely fills out her frame nicely.

"Why, Evans, to what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you here? Couldn't resist me for a whole summer, could you?" I say, smiling at the knowledge that what I said will irritate her. Of course, it does.

"Shut it, Potter. I'm here for business reasons and I don't have time for your petulantly arrogant remarks. Maybe you should try growing up sometime. Why are you here, anyway?" she retorts, once again catching me off guard. _Petulantly arrogant_? That's a first. The growing up bit definitely isn't, but I feel like I had matured quite a bit since the last time we saw each other. With my father working all hours of the day, there has to be at least one man in the house, and it sure as hell wasn't going to be Sirius.

I bite back a cold response, not wanting to bicker with Lily yet again, and say as civilly as I can manage, "I coach here, didn't you know that? I was sure _Alice_ would have mentioned it to you at some point." The girl behind Lily looks away a little too nonchalantly. Typical Alice. "Besides, I could ask you the same thing."

Lily sighs, suddenly looking more tired that she should be. I instantly feel sympathetic for her and want to give her some form of comfort, but I don't know what I can do. That, and she'll slap me if I try anything. "Auror training."

What the hell? "Lily, you haven't even graduated yet..."

"That's Evans to you, Potter. And it's not _real_ Auror training, I just...if I want to be an Auror, I'm going to need to know how to fly. And I don't. That's what I'm here for. To learn. And as much...As much as I hate to admit it, you're a damn good flier, Potter. So you better make me as good as you or I'll demand a refund." I chuckle at her blunt statement and see the smallest of grins tug the corner of her mouth up. Now if only I could make that smile bigger.

"Who're you?" came a voice next to me, and I looked down to see eleven-year-old Daniel Lynch interrogating poor Lily. He turns towards me and says, "Is she your girlfriend?"

"_No!_" she and I exclaim at the same time, her looking a little on the terrified side when he mentioned it. Damn it. If only she didn't hate the idea of being my girlfriend. This thought makes me stop and think for a moment: was I ever truly over her, or was it just something I told myself to avoid the inevitable? Upon seeing her here today, I come to the realization that I will never really be over Lily Evans.

"Whatever. Well, when are we going to get started? My parents paid two Galleons an hour for this!" Daniel says, putting his hands on his hips for emphasis. The other children just stand around awkwardly at the edge of the field, clutching their brooms nervously. I sling my Silver Arrow over my shoulder and motion for Lily and Daniel to stand with the rest of the class.

"Um, hello everybody," I begin, feeling awkward in my new position of authority. This is my first year as an instructor here, though I've attended this camp for years, and the responsibility is still new to me. Suddenly, I realize that this is the perfect opportunity to show Lily that I really have matured, and I resume my speech with a renewed confidence.

"Welcome to Quidditch camp! My name is James Potter and I'll be instructing your beginner class. Depending on how well some of you do, some of you may move up to advanced beginner, then intermediate, then advanced, then expert before the summer is even over. Now, how many of you will be entering your first year at Hogwarts?" A handful of the children raise your hands, and I see Lily's mouth set in a firm line. "Okay, second years?" A few more kids than the ongoing-first years in that group. "And...seventh year?" Lily scowls at me and angrily shoves her hand in the air. It takes much of my self-restraint not to laugh.

"Sounds excellent! I can tell we're going to have a fun group this year. To start off today's lesson, we're going to pass around the Quaffle and say our names as we do. We must go in the same order every time, and I'll keep adding more Quaffles as we start to learn each other's names. Oh, and you can't throw it to someone next to you. Now, in a circle!"

The children obediently arrange themselves in a circle-like shape and Lily comes begrudgingly to stand next to me. I very quietly hear her mumbling to herself, "It's a good thing I fucking hate Voldemort or else becoming an Auror would so not be worth this." I smile as I easily see the similarities between us: I despise Voldemort and all kinds of Dark magic and also hope to become an Auror, just like Lily. Funny how that works.

Once everyone is settled, I pass the Quaffle in my hands to Daniel, saying his name as I do so. He glances around the group for a moment before settling on a girl with bright blue hair-I think to myself that she must be a Metamorphmagus.

"Iris!" he says. The game continues.

"Henry!"

"Boswell!"

"Samantha!"

"Nessa!"

"Gregory!"

"Albert!"

"Chelsea!"

"Oliver!"

"Um...what's your name, miss?" the boy Oliver asks Lily, the only person who has not yet received the Quaffle. She smiles at him and pushes her fringe out of her face. "I'm Lily." Oliver has a visible reaction to her: his breath catches and a smile randomly creeps across his face. Poor chap is falling in love with her, and she's only spoken two words to him! Although looking back, it probably only took me two words to fall in love with her, too.

"Lily," Oliver says, tossing the ball to her. She catches it easily, then turns to look at me. She gives it a light push at me and says, "James." I love the way she says my name. If only she regularly called me that instead of my surname.

"You're not supposed to pass it to someone next to you, remember?" I remind her, giving her a teasing push. She glares at me playfully, and I zone out for a second, losing myself in her green eyes. Then one of the younger kids coughs awkwardly and I'm snapped back into the moment.

"Right," I say. "Excellent. One more round of that, then a second Quaffle, yeah?" The kids murmur their agreement, and I throw the ball back to Daniel to start the cycle all over again.

They all do quite well with that exercise, and soon enough I feel as if I know everyone's names well enough. I definitely know Daniel's, Lily's (duh), and Oliver's-I have to keep my eye on the last one. He could be plotting to steal her over from me right this very instant.

Next, I have them get into pairs and each get a Beater's bat, along with a Muggle tennis ball for each pair. They line up in rows of two across from their partner and attempt to hit the tennis ball back and forth with the bats. Lily is left without a partner, since Gregory managed to snatch Oliver up before he could ask to be hers, so I grab a bat for myself and line up with the rest of the class.

"Tennis balls, huh?" she says as she swings the bat casually. The ball goes right towards me, and I'm surprised at the ease of her playing Quidditch (if that's what you can call this). "How on earth did Potter the Pureblood come up with that idea?" For a moment, I think she's taunting me, but then I see the mischievous glint in her eyes and I know she's not.

"Muggle studies. It's not like I could use real Bludgers during their first class, now could I?" I play back. Lily chuckles.

"Well, I should hope not, Potter, or else the parents might not feel quite as secure having you teach their precious children." We share a grin, and I adore how easy it is to talk with Lily on one of the few instances she wasn't telling me off. Although, I was her teacher now, so her telling me off would be just plain weird... "Also, I just wanted to say that you're being very...responsible. It's not really what I was expecting from you, but it's good. I think you're doing a really good job teaching, James. Well done."

_James._

She said my name.


	3. Insecurities

**A/N: Hey Guys, so I think it's time I introduce myself, I'm Robin. This is a collab story between me and my GORGEOUS friend Maddy who I love... Okay, so since this is a story written between two people, the chapter should come pretty fast. For these first few weeks, I'll be updating it almost EVERY day because we already have thirteen chapters written! Once we get past posting the things we've already written, the story will probably be updated on a bi-weekly basis. Please, please review, because it gives us a lot of motivation to write. Getting reviews makes me want to go rush and post a chapter, and even just hearing "I Love it, please update quicker!" ****is amazing. REVIEWS MAKE ME POST THE _ALREADY WRITTEN_ CHAPTERS FASTER GUYS! GOGOGO!  
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><p>"Okay," James says, glancing around at the circle of children—and me, around him. "Time for lunch. You can go to the dining hall to eat." The circle disperses, and I start a fast walk over to the field I know Alice is coaching in. I can't believe she did this to me, she must have known! Was this on purpose?<p>

"Lily!" cries a voice behind me, and for a second I think its James's. The footsteps behind me are too light, and the pitch of the voice too high. "Lily!" it calls again. Pivoting on my heel, I turn to see Oliver, the young boy from before, sprinting toward me at top speeds.

"Oh, hullo Oliver," I greet him kindly, patting him on the back as he bends over, his breath short from the small distance he ran. He straightens up once he is finished, addressing me with a large smile.

"You know, I'm going to be a second year this upcoming year. A _Hufflepuff _second year." With this being said, he closes one eye awkwardly, which I then realize is supposed to be a wink.

For a few seconds, he just stares at me, trying to gaze into my eyes. I let my eyes wander to the grass, refusing to have an 'intimate moment' with a twelve-year-old.

"Well, Oliver, that's great for you… Is there something you need?" I ask, slowly starting to back away toward the field I was headed too. He now looks nervous, and is wringing his hands together. Oh shit, this isn't another James Potter, is it?

"I was wondering if…" he starts, "Willyouhavelunchwithme?"

"Huh?"

"Will you have lunch with me? I mean, with me and my friends," he inquires, looking up hopefully at me. Bloody hell, how do I turn him down nicely? He seems like a sweet kid, yet slightly cocky too. He has blonde hair, which falls right on top of his eyelashes, and looks tall for his age. Not tall enough to trick anyone he was older then twelve, though. James would give me hell if he saw me eating with the little squirt.

"Lily, come on!" calls someone to my right, who I instantly recognize as Alice.

"I'm sorry," I say gently, "but I've promised my friend Alice that I'd each lunch with her, maybe another time?"

The bright and happy expression seems crushed, but only for a second. "Promise you will another time?" he asks.

"I…" I trail off. Alice is now tapping her foot, still waiting for me to come. And leaving Alice waiting is _never _a good idea. "I promise."

"Great! See you later, Lils!" he calls, using some God-awful pet name for me. When did he come up with that? God, nicknames were horrible, especially for me. James always called me Evans, Sirius called me Lily Flower, and now this little guy was calling me Lils. Would it ever end?

"Finally!" she jeers, "Who was that?"

"Alice, this is not your time to question me! This is my time to be made at you for not telling me that Potter was going to be my teacher!" I snap.

"Sorry," she sighs with a shrug, before widening her eyes an asking, "Can you ever forgive me?"

I grumble a "Whatever."

I spend the short walk to the dining hall explaining to her about the class and what Oliver had been asking me.

"Aw, Lily and Oliver sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then comes marriage—wait, wouldn't it be illegal for you to marry him?" She laughs as I bury my head in my hands.

"I regret ever teaching you the sitting-in-a-tree song."

"Who's Lily sitting in a tree with?"

I didn't think it could get any worse, being here at this camp, trying to overcome my fear, as well as spending my entire summer with James Potter. Obviously I was wrong.

"It's a Muggle thing," explains Alice, before pulling out a brown bag from her tote and setting it on one of the many round tables in the dining hall.

"What are you doing here, Black?" I gasp, taking a seat next to her, because I think I might collapse if I continue to stand.

"Coaching, of course. I'm the best Beater at Hogwarts," he brags, before sitting down next to Alice.

I scoff and say, "I'm pretty sure that's Amos Diggory, in Hufflepuff."

"Diggory?" bellows Sirius in outrage, "That tosser who thinks he can swing a bat? Evans, you really are an insane bird." I just shake my head, before seeing James approaching the table.

"Oh no," I say to Alice, "We are not sitting with them." She opens her mouth to retort, when Sirius snakes his arm around her shoulders and pulls her close.

"Come on, Ally, you gotta stay," he whispers loudly, so even I can hear. She shoves him away, now not only her face, but her entire neck red with embarrassment too. Alice, being the reclusive bookworm she is, doesn't get that much attention from boys. Well, that and she has a boyfriend who is training to be an Auror, one who could kill anyone who tried to hit on her.

Alice had been friends with the Marauders from her very first day at Hogwarts, knowing them through pureblood connection. I had never quite warmed up to them though, and hung out with Mary and Marly when she was with them. Of course she would want to sit with them.

"Lily, come on, let's just stay," she mumbles and I agree unenthusiastically.

"So Lily, I didn't know you could play Quidditch. What level are you coaching?" asks Sirius, and I can feel the blood rising to my cheeks. Though my hair is pulled off my neck, and a Cooling Spell placed over the room, I still feel like I'm burning up. Alice and James both burst out laughing, partly at his question, partly at my discomfort.

"What did I miss?" he questions. Alice is still giggling, trying not to spit out the bite of her sandwich in her mouth, so James answers.

"Mate, she's not coaching. She's taking a class. _My _class." For a moment, Sirius looks as though he is going to explode. He then starts barking out loud laughs, spitting the water he was drinking out across the table.

He tries to catch his breath, and finally chokes out, "But… but you're coaching the beginners' class." James just nods and they all break out into another fit of laughter. I'm now fuming, and can't believe that Alice would be joining in with these prats to make fun of me.

"Guys, stop it," I protest. The laughter doesn't cease. "Stop!" My objections are futile, and I finally wait for when it dies down to just sniggering.

"So, you're like a student?" clarifies Sirius. I nod. "Bloody-hell, this means we have to keep our love affair a secret, Lily-flower!" I stare at him, waiting for the punch line. "What, don't you know? There's a super strict no coach-student thing here. George Craver got fired as a coach last year because of it."

A chocking noise comes from across the table, and I see James quickly swallow and say, "Are you kidding me?"

"Yeah, I know. I saw some pretty fine birds on my way in, it's too bad." Sirius nods dejectedly, but James eyes flicker over to me, then down to his food. He continues eating in silence, as do I, as Sirius tells a story to the three of us. After a few moments, I zone out, and my eyes wander to James.

He's tall, he always has been, but he's filled in his lanky form more; I can see his toned biceps through the short sleeves of his shirt. His messy hair is sticking up at even more abnormal angles, maybe an effect of the hot day. His glasses are taped together with a piece of Spellotape and his hazel eyes are shielded by his eyelids, as he is now leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed.

"Is anyone listening to me?" asks Sirius angrily. "James is over here taking a nap during my story, and Evans is staring at him like some sort of creepy vampire wanting his blood."

James jerks up, and meets my eyes. Damn, why do I have to blush so much? Now he knows what Sirius said is true.

"For your information," I start, "I wasn't staring at him, I was merely zoning out and thinking about… about pie." I smile to myself, knowing I'm the only one who gets my joke. You know, I really am a clever. I should start my own joke shop…

"About pie? Really Lily? Is food all you ever think about?" responds Alice.

I smile cheekily and say, "Yes, Alice, food is the only thing that _ever _crosses my mind." She just rolls her eyes and goes back to eating.

"Well, now that everyone's listening again, back to my story…"

That night, as I lay in bed, exhausted and sore, I think about spending the summer with James and Sirius and Alice. I picture me and James growing closer, becoming good friends. Contrary to the popular belief, I don't actually hate James. With everything that happened with Sev—Snape back in fifth year, it was easier to hate him, to despise him, rather than forgive him. It was easier to place the blame on the collapsed relationship with Snape on James then take responsibility of it for myself.

When sixth year had started up again, I was ready for him to ask me out. I spent the summer creating clever ways to turn him down and insult him. But the compliments and date requests never came. He didn't talk to me, he didn't flirt with me, he barley _looked _at me. I should have been relieved, I should have thanked the Gods for this amazing turn of events… but I didn't. Heartbroken was the only thing I felt. I had lost two people that year, one I never actually liked. I watched him grow and change and become this person I didn't know. I saw him change from Potter to James.

Though he changed, I hadn't. I remained the same stubborn person, and even now couldn't bear to just forgive him, to be nice. This razor sharp part of me always came out around him, hiding the person I actually was, because I was just too scared. James made me feel things…. He made me feel things I shouldn't be feeling.

He angers me, he pisses me off. He invigorates and irritates and makes me feel like I might explode at any second. But he also makes me feel nervous and infatuated and scared.

When he started to date Amanda Hartridge, I felt this weird burning feeling whenever I saw them. I felt jealous, which I had only just admitted to myself. Timothy was… he was great, but I never felt anything more for him than brotherly feeling. I continued to date him, though.

Now, I will be around James every day. My carefully built walls are already threatening to crumble, the foundation starting to sink. I can't let him in, because inside I'm not perfect little Evans, with the snappy comeback or right answer. Inside, I am Lily, the girl whose imperfections and insecurities define her.

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><p><strong>Pleasee revieww :) AND as an incentive, I have something special for all you reader. *crickets* Hello? I know your out there! I can hear you breathing! Okay, so if YOU want to be in our story, tell us what you think in a review, and then tell us your name, age, looks, and personality. You can make some of it up if you don't feel comfortable putting it on the internet, and please give us a fake last name and an age RANGE (like 12-15). We want you all to be safe haha! And then, in some of the upcoming chapters, your own character will be apart of it. If you have any story plot ideas too, we'd love to hear them, even though we have the story mostly mapped out. Thanks a lot guys and HAPPY REVIEWING! REVIEWS MAKE LILY NOT HATE JAMES!<br>**


	4. Maybe Love in the Air

**A/N: Hey Guys, Robin here again! So I was super shocked and surprised that in one day, we got five reviews on Chapter Three! To a lot of people, this may not seem like a lot, but for first time FanFiction Writers like Maddy and I, it's really amazing. For those of you who submitted your characters, we weren't able to fit any of you into this chapter, but you will be coming in the later ones. This story will most likely continue into their Seventh Year at Hogwarts, and from there, we aren't quite sure. Most of you will be added in those chapters, because it's easier to make you students. I hope that's okay with you all! You can still become a character in this story by leaving your name, age, looks, and personality (remember you can make some of it up, esp. your last name and age if you want to stay safe on the internet!). Please, please review, because it makes us post so much faster! Getting those five reviews made me rush here to post the chapter! So, enough of my rambling, go enjoy the chapter! And please, please don't _Favorite_ the story without reviewing.  
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><p>"I swear, Prongs, if you were anymore in love with Evans then...oh wait, you <em>can't<em> be anymore in love with Evans! That being said, shut the bloody hell up," Sirius says oh-so-kindly while towelling off from his shower. I have been filling him in at everything that's happened between me and her for the past seven hours in the bedroom we share, and I guess my in-depth analysis of her usage of my first name was a little too much for him.

"Back off, Sirius. One day you'll be in love too. Maybe," I retort, pulling a Puddlemere United tee-shirt over my head. At my statement, Sirius pauses in drying himself off and coughs once, not meeting my eyes. I wonder what's causing him to act so suspicious, but disregard it as he returns to his task at hand, a grin on his face.

"Doubt it," he says. "It's gonna take more than one biscuit to satisfy this puppy." I roll my eyes once again and throw my own towel at him, which he catches with agile ease. "Have you ever thought about giving up?" I shoot him a confused glance. "On Evans, I mean. Why not just going for some other bird? It's not like it would be difficult for you, given your talent at Quidditch, irresistible humor, and charming good-looks." He winks at me slyly.

"Did you hear me at all last year? Remember that one day in Charms?" I recall said day this past February, in which I had Lily's new boyfriend as an excuse to brag about me being over her to my friends.

"Actually Prongs, I remember your exact words: 'It's official, I'm _totally_ over Evans now that she's dating that Brennigan bloke. Don't know what _she_ sees in him. I doubt it will last long. She's much too good for him, anyway. But no matter. It's not like I care.' Yeah, sure did a great job of _not caring_." For a moment, I wonder how he remembered exactly what I said, but shrug it off, knowing it's just a Sirius thing to do.

I sigh. "See, I tried to convince myself that I was over her all the time. Avoiding her helped a bit, and I thought it had worked. But seeing her at camp today, I realized it never worked at all. Try as I might...there'll be no getting over Evans for me anytime soon." Sirius and I sigh together, puzzled over the way my heart works.

"Do you love her?" he asks suddenly. I know just a few minutes ago we were joking about me being in love with Lily, but just then I considered if it was the real thing. Did I really _love_ all the things about her that I claimed to, or was it just infatuation?

"I...I don't know, Sirius. I think I might. ...But if I don't, I'm pretty damn close to loving her."

"That's for sure," he replies sarcastically, and a corner of my mouth tugs up. "Well, while I might not seem like it a lot of the time, I really do hope things for you work out with her. I know she makes you happy, and that's what really matters to me." I pause in combing my hair and look at my friend, ready for him to make it humorous, but he doesn't. He comes to stand next to me and I pat him on the back to show my appreciation.

"Thanks, Paddy. I hope you end up with a girl that makes you happy, too."

"Yeah, well. Frankly, I feel like buttering you up is the least I can do, seeing that I _live_ in your house."

"Something my parents don't mind at all. You know they've always wanted another kid to care for, and we all know you're more than happy to oblige." Sirius chuckles and sits on his bed, picking up a copy of _Quidditch Through the Ages_.

"It's nice to have real parents for a change," he says with a grin, referring to the way he was treated at his own home before moving in with me last summer. His family always gave him a hard time for being a "blood-traitor" and a Gryffindor, and one day it just got too much for him. So he came here, and he's been an official member of the Potter family ever since.

"Speaking of parents, I'm going to go see Mum needs help with dinner," I tell him, heading to the door of our bedroom as I do so.

"You see, Prongs, this is partially why I moved in with you. You treat house-elves right, not even making Kimmy cook dinner, and in return she's the kindest creatures this side of Great Britain. We had Kreacher, and wasn't he a joy..." I have heard more about Kreacher, the Black family house-elf, more than I ever really wanted to, so I pat Sirius on the head sympathetically and walk into the corridor. What Sirius said was true: my mum happens to be a very big house-elf sympathizer, so she always treats our elf fairly, but she's always a huge fan of cooking.

I really do love my mum, more than other blokes my age would be willing to admit. I've always been nothing but gentlemanly towards her, even though I'm not always like that around my peers or other adults. Okay, I'm very rarely like that towards other people. Take Lily, for example. Ever since fourth year I've been constantly asking her out, trying to find new ways to get under her skin. Nor was I very kind towards other girls, having a habit of picking up a new one every month in some cases.

But during sixth year I had changed. I only had one girlfriend the whole year, a fifth-year named Amanda Hartrdige in Ravenclaw. She was really nice, pretty, and fun to be with, but the whole time I was dating her, I felt like there was this part missing, like a void I kept trying to fill with her that never did become filled. Come to think of it, I had felt this void ever since fifth year, when Lily had lashed out at me for taunting Snape after the Defense Against the Dark Arts OWL.

"What're you making, Mum?" I ask my mother as I enter the kitchen, where she is pounding a chicken breast with a wooden mallet. She smiles brightly at me and tucks a loose piece of light brown hair behind her ear.

"Chicken piccata. Now that you're all cleaned off, I can ask how your first day of Quidditch camp was," she responds. I shrug.

"Pretty fun, actually. All of the kids are really nice, and one of them...you remember hearing about Lily Evans, right?" I ask, easily noticing the curious glimmer in her eye.

"Yes, although I can't say I've heard of her for quite some time. You still like her?"

"That's unimportant, Mum," I say quickly, dodging the question. "Well, despite the fact that she's seventeen, she's one of my students. In the beginner class. She's not really loving having to start at the beginning, but she says she needs to learn how to fly in order to become an Auror."

My mother nods, seemingly impressed by my words, and I see a mischievous glint in her eye. "You know, this could be a chance to redeem yourself. Maybe by showing her that you're truly a wonderful teacher _and_ good with children you'll be able to win her heart." I open my mouth to protest, but she cuts me off before I have a chance. "I know you still care for her, Jamie. I can tell. Why not give it a shot? You've never let anything stop you before."

I sigh, slightly irritated that my mother can read me so easily. "Well, there is something stopping me this time. Something more important. See, there's a very strict rule at camp between student-teacher relationships. George Craver got fired as a coach last year because of it," I say, quoting Sirius.

"That's right, I forgot. Well, I'm sorry about that. Maybe instead of trying to win her heart, just trying winning her friendship. That way something might be able to develop after camp is over. If not...well, then you'll have gained a friend. And Merlin knows we all could use more friends than enemies during this time," she says, adding a sigh as she refers to the ongoing Wizarding War between Lord Voldemort and everyone who chooses to oppose him.

Me, my family, and friends being in the latter group.

"Will Dad be home for dinner tonight?" I ask her, desperate to change the subject from my love-life. My mother sighs and pauses in her task of breading the chicken breasts.

"He's working late tonight. Apparently there's some case about unregistered Animagi assisting a werewolf or something." My breath catches in my throat and I feel my palms start sweating as I glance at my mother, wondering if she knows. _I'm_ an unregistered Animagus, along with two of my closest friends, and every full moon _we _help our werewolf friend, Remus Lupin. During second year, around the time we had discovered what Remus was, we learned that werewolves can't hurt animals-only humans. Thus began the three-year-long journey in the attempt to become Animagi. And we succeeded.

Once a month I run around in the woods with my friends during the night. As a stag.

Mum seems completely unaffected by this bit of information and resumes cooking, leading me to assume that she doesn't know anything about that whole thing. No one does, outside of me and my fellow Marauders. And it should most definitely stay that way.

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><p><strong>REVIEWS MAKE US POST FASTER! REVIEWS MAKE LILY AND JAMES REALIZE THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER! I know you guys are out there... *Stares at you trying to make you feel guilty* Come on, just click that little review button and make our day... 405 hits on this story and 9 reviews... let's get that number up! We'd LOVE to hear what you think about it, love or hate, or what could be improved. Oh, and I'm sick today, so maybee I'll update twice in one day...<br>**


	5. Fear Revealed

**Your welcome. There, I posted twice in one day. If I was a smart author, I would make you guys wait, but I didn't. GO ENJOY CHAPTER FIVE AND PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW! TELL US WHAT YOU THINK!  
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><p>Life with James as my flying coach isn't as bad as I pictured it to be. He acts like he should, not flirting and helping me along, and in turn I'm not as awful towards him. Don't get me wrong, it's not as if I don't snap at him every other day or have fallen in love with him, but the situation is less tense then before.<p>

It is hot one day, getting up in the nineties, and I am wearing my normal attire. Two weeks have passed, consisting of tennis ball Bludgers and tossing Quaffles in circles, and today, I see a line of broomsticks lying on the ground. My heart drops and my throat starts feeling quite closed up.

"Okay class, today, we will be attempting to hover above the ground, and steer the broomstick. This is a pretty simple task, and I trust you all can do it!" The other kids are talking excitedly and clapping their hands at the new skills they would be learning. "Everyone needs to go pick up a broom from the pile over there," James says, which results in all of the students rushing over to the pile of brooms and snatching at them. I wait behind, and grab the lone one left behind.

"I want you all to mount your broomstick like this," he said, swinging his leg over smoothly as an example. I could appreciate the skill he possessed for Quidditch, knowing how hard he worked for it. Closing my eyes, I hope and pray that my clumsiness and fear would not get in the way. Come on, it was only hovering! I can _do _this.

"Okay, now just give yourself a little shove off the ground," he instructs, and is now floating in the air. Okay, Lily, come on. You can do this. One by one, everyone around me pushes off the ground and hovers. Everyone, except for me.

"Come on Lily!" encourages Oliver, who's hovering a few feet away from me. I close my eyes, my broom beneath me, and give a tiny shove. I feel myself slowly rising, and my feet are dangling an inch above the ground. The nausea that I felt before is present again.

"James," I whisper, feeling like I might pass out at any second. I feel like all the blood is rushing to my feet, and the temperature has increased tenfold. I don't open my eyes, but I feel James gliding over to me, probably noticing my awful discomfort.

He instructs the class again, and says, "Everyone fly down to that goal post right down there." I imagine him pointing, his long tan arm stretching out and his finger extending. My eyes are still shut tightly, and I don't dare open them.

The _whoosh_ of fifteen brooms flying through the air fills my ears, and I think I might be alone. That is, until I feel a large hand on my back.

"Lily, are you okay, you don't look so good?" The use of my first name catches me off guard. Sure, we have been warming up to each other, but this is a big step. I have an urge to snap at him, tell him it's Evans, but I can't bring myself to do it. Maybe it's because of our budding friendship, or maybe it's because of the terrifying situation I am in at the current moment. Whatever the reason is, though, I still hold back.

Although I am now hovering only about a foot of the ground, or at least I think I am, it feels like I'm a million feet above the ground.

"How do I get down?" I whisper, choking back the bile that is rising in my throat. James's hand is still resting lightly on my back, and I know he can feel the shakes racking through me. Part of the shakes are from fear, but a lot are from my heart, which is beating faster then I can imagine. His hand on my back feels like it's searing a hole in my shirt, like it's burning me. It feels amazing.

"Lily, you're not even a foot above the ground, you're fine. You won't fall." I shake my head, feeling like I might burst into sobs at any moment.

"Just get me down! I don't feel good," I cry, tears building behind my eyelids. He doesn't say a word, only slowly lowers me to the ground. As soon as my feet feel the thick surface beneath them, I drop the broom and take off running. My feet pound against the earth, sneakers on grass. The sounds of his calls are muffled by the ringing in my ears, but I know I can't turn around. I've made a complete idiot of myself, getting frightened by such an idiotic thing.

This isn't what a Gryffindor should act like. I should be brave, I should turn around to face my fears, but I can't. The ragged breathing tearing through my lungs and throat tell me how wrong I was. I can't be an Auror; I can't fight Voldemort if such silly little things stand in my way. If I can't hurtle over this obstacle, think of what other things I'll trip on.

When I reach the dining hall, I'm panting, but I don't stop there. I need to get out of here, to leave this camp. Maybe not forever, but for today. Come on, I passed my Apparation test. I do this every morning; I've just got to focus.

I close my eyes, and concentrate hard. I feel the familiar tug at my navel and stand in front of my house in seconds. It's a small, two-story house, complete with round shaped hedges in the front and a gorgeous wrap around porch. It's painted a faded yellow, with the shutters painted blue. It's a quirky little house, and it stands out from the rest on the street, but that's why I love it.

I walk up the front steps, and into the house, finding myself being gravitated toward the kitchen. When I walk into the tiny cooking area, I find my mother scrubbing down the counters, obviously just finished with breakfast.

"Hullo," I greet lightly, trying to pretend that nothing is wrong. The second she turns around to look at me, surprise on her face, I realize she knows something is wrong. Maybe it is my tear-stained cheeks or red face, but she strides over to me and wraps me in her arms, not a word said.

"I can't do it," I murmur into her shoulder, my voice cracking as it leaves my lips. She shushes me, telling me to say no more, and rubs soothing circles into my back. I hear the pitter-patter of feet in the hallway, and then the presence of another person in the room. I untangle myself from my mother's arms, and turn to see Petunia standing in the doorframe.

Things between us have been more tense than usual, for the fact that I'm spending most of my summer away. When I had arrived home, and told my family of my plan, my mother and father had been quite cautious.

"Do you think it's worth it, spending your whole summer away?" asked Dad, "We barely see you during the school year, don't you want to spend any time with us?"

Mom had asked in her caring way, "Do you think you'll be alright, knowing your fear of heights?"

Petunia's reaction was the worst though. She was silent throughout the whole discussion, not saying a word. When the two girls stood up to do the dishes as always happened in the summer, Petunia has spoken quietly, and not with the usual shrill tone in her voice.

"I was looking forward to spending the summer with you, of us leaving the magic behind for just a few months. I see you three months out of every year, and now you're shortening that too. Sometimes I don't even feel like I have a sister." It was accusing or blame-filled, just sorrow-filled. After the chores were finished, and I headed up for bed, I heard the cries from my sister's room. Was it possible she actually cared, underneath the mean words and jarring attitude?

So, as I see her standing there at the doorway, she gives me this look, somewhere between pity and anger, before turning on her heel, and flouncing out of the room. A part of me wants to run after her, to tell her that I would give up, that we could go back to a summer without magic or Hogwarts and forget that Severus was living so close. But I know I can't do that.

"You want a glass of lemonade?" asks Mom, grabbing my attention away from Tuney. I nod, and walk over to sit at the table. After pouring me a glass, she comes and sits next to me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I think about saying no, but realize I can't hold it in any longer. So explain to her everything. I ramble on and on, about Alice getting me into camp, and my mixed feelings for James. I tell her about everything, about how I felt sitting on that broom and the fear that racked through me. Half an hour later, when everything was spilled out and my heart had finally stopped beating erratically.

"Sweetheart, I'm confused," she confesses. "Do you like this boy or not? Every year, you've come home telling us when a pain he has been and how much you hate him."

"I...I don't know." She nods, asking me to go on. "He's such a prat sometimes! He infuriates me, makes me want to tear my hair out. But then I get these stupid feelings, like jealousy, and it makes me reevaluate everything. And when he touched me-on the back- today, I felt... I got all these butterflies and..." I realize I can't find the words for it.

"Stop thinking with your head," Mom says, "And let your heart guide you." With that, without addressing the fear of heights or any other part of my story she stands up and starts to walk out of the room, calling on her way out, "I can't force you to go back, but if you let this stand in your way, then you're not the Lily Evans I know."

It takes me awhile, but I decide to go back, to collect my things at least, and explain to Alice my sudden departure. They say a team is only as strong as it's weakest link. Well, I'm only as strong as my greatest weakness. I guess I'll just have to take things one day at a time.

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><p><strong>Since I rewarded you all with two chapters in one day, you all can reward me by reviewing. Go on, do it. REVIEWS MAKE LILY AND JAMES GET TOGETHER SOONER! REVIEWS MAKE ME UPDATE FASTER! REVIEWS MAKE ME POST <em>TWICE<em> IN ONE DAY! gogogo and revieww please.**


	6. City Air

**A/N: Um helllloooo everyone. Before we get started here, I just want to warn you about something. This chapter is kind of, really un-edited. This is Maddy's chapter, and I'm supposed to edit them for her, but I'm being really lazy today and don't really feel like it. BUT to make up for that, it's probably the longest chapter we have in this story AND it's one of the scenes we thought of and built the whole story around. I hope you all like it and ignore any spelling or grammar errors I was too lazy to fix. LOVE YA.**

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><p>It only occurs to me that Lily might have a fear of heights after class is over and I see her walking from the girls' changing rooms with as much dignity as she could manage. She hadn't returned to the class after running off, and I instantly wanted to go comfort her when she did. But I had a class to teach. It actually explained everything, really, especially the question of why she was taking the beginners' class in the first place. I hurry after her, yelling, "Evans!" to let her know I won't let her just ignore me.<p>

When she sees who it is, I can tell she wants to start running away as fast as she possibly can, but I am filled with relief when she waits for me to catch up to her. "Look, I know you're afraid of heights-"

"Came to mock me, did you?" she says bitterly, crossing her arms over her chest. I'm taken aback at her blunt interruption, surprised that she would consider that.

"Well...no, of course not. It makes sense, really. It explains a lot."

"Oh?" Lily retorts. "And what are some things it would explain?"

"Why you never came to a Quidditch match, _ever_, why you were the only one in our year not to take flying lessons in first year, why you don't take Astronomy, and why you just ran out on a class designed for eleven- to twelve-year-olds. To name a few." She glares at me, and out of instinct my hand immediately goes to my already-messy black hair. Before she can spit something mean out at me, I say quietly, "There's nothing _wrong_ with being afraid of heights. It's a perfectly logical phobia. But you're going to have to get over it if you ever want to be an Auror."

"And how do you suggest I do that, Mr. Know-It-All?" Her anger is a little less apparent, but I'm on a mission to get rid of it all together. And I think I know how.

"Skip class tomorrow. Come with me to London." I can tell this answer catches her off guard, and I smile at her reaction.

"Erm...what?" is all she is able to respond with.

"I can get Alice to take over my class. Come on, Lily, come with me to London! We'll be Muggles for the day. Just you and me. And I promise you that by the end of the day you will be cured of your fear for heights."

"Is this another one of your schemes to ask me out?" she asks accusingly, making a very good point.

"Absolutely not. It is just a teacher trying to help his student and friend," I respond. This is both true and a lie: I do genuinely want to help her, but I'm also hoping a day with just the two of us will help me too. "Meet me on the Westminster Bridge at twelve o'clock sharp. You won't be sorry, I promise."

Before I can give her a chance to respond, I turn and walk away, feeling more excited than I did when I started talking to Lily. With any luck, she'd be there waiting for me on that bridge the next day, and with a little more luck, it'd be just as wonderful as I hope for it to be.

I see Lily on Westminster Bridge before she spots me: she's dressed in a floral dress, black tights, boots, and a brown leather jacket, and the wind across the Thames is blowing her hair behind her. She looks almost ethereal as she leans into the edge of the bridge, gazing at the city around her. She's so beautiful that I stop and stare for a moment, feeling butterflies in my stomach at the thought of walking next to her, talking to her, having her all to myself for a whole day...

"And yet you're able to manage this height?" I say, walking over to where she stands. Her attention snaps from her surroundings to me, and a small smirk crosses her face. So far, so good.

"This is different. It's not so high, really, and I like the view of the water. I've always liked bridges, really." Lily comes over to stand by me and we look each other square in the eye. I can feel the electricity shoot between us, even though we're about a foot apart, and it takes much of my effort not to lean over and kiss her now. She probably would not like it if I did so.

"That's good," I tell her. "Keep that in mind today, yeah?" She stares me down suspiciously, narrowing her green eyes at me. Such pretty eyes...

"What do you have in mind, Potter?" she drawls slowly.

"The cure to your fear of heights. Unfortunately, it's a little ways down the river. Poor planning on my part, really. We could walk, if you really wanted to, or we could take a taxi cab, or the Underground..." I trail off, waiting for her to reach a decision, which she does quickly.

"Let's walk, please. It's not every day I get to stroll through London." I agree with her instantly. Usually when I'm here it's to visit the Ministry for something or other, and it's nice to just enjoy everything about the city through the eyes of a Muggle: the sights, the sounds, the people, and most importantly, the beautiful girl to walk next to me.

"Okay, but mind you, it's a bit of a long walk. Like an hour, I think." We start to meander across the bridge, walking towards the impressive Parliament Building and Big Ben on the bank.

"I don't mind. Besides, it's not like we really have anywhere to be. How did you manage coming here, anyway? You said something about Alice taking over your classes, but how is that allowed?" I figured Lily would ask something like this at some point, knowing how concerned she always is with her studies. I suppose that applies to summer Quidditch camp, too.

"Well, Sirius moved down from teaching the Advanced class to co-teaching the Intermediate with Alice. So with two teachers, it's easier to handle two classes. And both of them are smart-despite how Sirius might act sometimes-so I'm sure they'll find ways to suit both levels of experience in the kids." She nods, then looks puzzled.

"Have you noticing the two of them...acting strangely around each other? Sirius and Alice?" she asks, and I understand her point exaclty.

"It would take a blind man not to notice. I've tried talking to Sirius about her, but every time I do he starts acting all strange and instantly changes the subject. I do wonder what could be going on between, them though..." Lily nods, but her facial expression doesn't show that she's thoroughly satisfied with my answer.

"Okay...I'll try talking to her about it sometime. Thanks, James."

"No problem." I decide not to make a comment about her using my first name, and start to think that maybe she didn't notice it, that it just slipped out...Then I tell myself to stop over-analyzing.

Commuters crowd the sidewalks on their way to jobs, homes, shops, schools, and who knows where else. Lily and I don't talk much for the first ten minutes or so as we walk, instead just enjoying our surroundings and each other's companionable silence.

"So what gave you this idea, anyway?" she asks suddenly as we wait to cross a busy street. "Why London?"

I shrug, trying to find an answer myself. "Well...I do really like this city and was kind of just looking for an excuse to go, even if it meant skipping a day of teaching. And I also thought of the perfect solution for your phobia. But it's a pretty far walk from here."

"Well...alright then. And I don't mind the walk."

"You've said that already."

"Shut up, Potter," she says playfully, rolling her eyes with a half-grin on her face. We don't talk for another while. Luckily, I had mapped my way through here last night and know exactly where to go. That, and it's really just a matter of following the direction the river flows until we reach our destination. We trek along the Victoria Embankment, past a children's theatre, and come across Cleopatra's Needle where the river makes a sudden turn. We also pass a lot of food options, but I know we can't stop to eat until we've come what we came here to do. Then we have the rest of the day to have fun and frolic about London.

"So where are we going, exactly?" Lily asks.

In response to her question, I only smile and say, "We've still got a ways to go. But we're almost there. In fact, I think we only have about twenty minutes more until we get there, if that's Southwark Bridge."

"Why did you make me meet you on Westminster Bridge if it's so far away?"

I shrug. "It's my favorite bridge in London, particularly because of the location. Sure, it's quite a ways away, but I love looking at the Parliament building and the old City Hall and Big Ben and the Abbey. Plus, it's so much more romantic than Southwark over there." I point to the bridge laden with traffic we just turned away from to continue a route across another street to currently.

Lily sighs, sounding exasperated, but I can see the small smile on her face. "Don't kid yourself, James." Ah, ha! My name! Again! "So, how do you know the way around this city? I'm very surprised you haven't gotten us lost yet."

"And I'm hurt, Evans!" I say jokingly. "My grand-dad used to take me here a lot, before I started school at Hogwarts. He died just a few days before I got my acceptance letter." Lily is silent for a moment, watching my fast earnestly.

"That's...really sad. I'm sorry, James." I shrug, yet again.

"I'm over it now. It was a long time ago. And he lived to be a hundred and seventeen years old, so it's pretty good, I guess."

"'Pretty good, you guess?' That's quite impressive!" she exclaims. "Although, I did grow up around Muggles, with whom the life expectancy is lower. My _great_ grandfather died at age ninety-six."

"Only ninety-six?" I reply, teasing her. She scoffs at me and lightly pushes me, but then a sight up ahead catches her attention.

"Ooh, look James! It's the Tower of London!" My eyes follow to where she's pointing and instantly see the large castle standing impressively next to the river. Muggle tourists crowd the area: waiting in lines, taking photographs, talking animatedly. "You're not taking me to see that, are you? Because I don't see how that would cure my fear of heights."

"Not today, no. But our destination is only a few meters away from it." I point my own hand forwards, a little to the right of the Tower, to the bridge right next to it.

"Tower Bridge?" Lily asks, confused. "But I've told you, being on bridges doesn't really-"

"Well, we're going to a different part of the bridge." She freezes, eyes widened to twice their normal size.

"You mean...up there?" she stutters, referring to the walkways connecting the two towers.

"Erm...yes! Now let's go." I grab her rest and pull her the rest of the way before she can argue with me. Once we are at the entrance to the Northwest Tower, I turn back to Lily, who is breathing deeply in the hopes of calming herself down. "Now, normally we would have to pay to go up there, but today is an exception. This actually took quite a bit of preparation, believe it or not."

"And what do you mean by 'preparation'?" she asks me, and I'm glad I was able to distract her from her nervousness for a moment. I pull out my wand and think _Alohamora_ as hard as I can to unlock the door.

"Let's just say they closed the Exhibition to visitors for the day last-minute," I say as I hold the door for her, "for renovations. This way, please." I lead her up a flight of stairs until we get to the walkway, which is lined with windows showing a wonderful view of London around the Thames. A ways to the left we can see the downtown area, and directly under us to the right is the Tower of London again.

Lily is breathing much more heavily now, her attempts at calming herself evidently failing, but she still manages to look as composed as possible. "Well..." she manages to get out. "I suppose this isn't so bad. Not...not my idea of fun, but it's...manageable."

"Glad you think so," I say absentmindedly, trying to locate the trapdoor in the roof of the walkway. "Cause things are about to get a little more intense." I spot it quickly after that and magically unscrew the bolts holding it in place. Basically, it's just a giant ceiling tile that can be removed from the roof, giving access to the top of the walkway.

"Jameswhatareyoudoing?" Lily exclaims quickly, sounding terrified.

I turn away from the exposed hole in the ceiling, where we can hear the wind rushing past and the sounds of traffic on the bridge below us. We have to do this carefully, because if any Muggles see us they'll most likely assume we're both going to jump below in the attempts of suicide. I walk over to Lily and place both of my hands on her shoulders, which are shaking (along with her whole body).

"Lily," I say calmly but firmly. "You're going to have to trust me on this. I promise that I won't let anything happen to you, now," I pause, looking into her wonderful eyes, "or ever. Will you trust me, Lily? Please?" She stares me down for a moment, her green staying connected with my hazel, then slowly nods.

"I trust you, James," she whispers.

"Okay," I say quietly. "Then come with me." I take her hand and lead her over to the trapdoor. "I hope you don't mind, but we're going to have to levitate up there." She nods again, mouth set in a firm line, and I admire her determination to do this. With a few flicks of my wand, both of us stand on the roof of the walkway, Lily clutching me with a death grip and her face buried in my chest.

"You're fine, Lily," I say over the wind. "Just look." Slowly, she turns her head to look across the city, and I can hear her gasp when she does.

Not that I blame her, the view is terrific.

Very gradually, she loosens her grip on my waist and lowers her arms, taking a few teetering steps closer to the edge. I follow her, my eyes on her face as hers are on the horizon. The wind blows her hair back both gently and harshly, and once again I am transfixed by her beauty.

She sits down, crossing her legs, and I follow suit, sitting next to her as we both look at the view around us. Lily's breathing has calmed at this point, and she looks almost at peace. Well, as at peace as a person sitting on top of a walkway well over fifty meters above a river can look. But the world moves on around us, between wizards and Muggles alike: cars, double-decker buses, and trucks drive, boats navigate, and people continue with their lives, but on top of that bridge, the only thing that matters in that moment is me and Lily.

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><p><strong>REVIEWS MAKE US UPDATE FASTER! REVIEWS MAKE LILY AND JAMES KISS! REVIEWS MAKE LILY AND JAMES GET TOGETHER! Come on guys, pleaseeee? Maybe if you all review, I'll post another tonight... hmm something to think about... Please, tell us what you think and remember it's never to late to submit your character!<strong>


	7. The Game

**A/N: I think we should all just say a collective thank you to me, right now. Okay, one-two-three "Thank You Robin!" I mean, posting twice in one day two days in a row... I think I may just be the nicest author ever. Okay, no, I'm not that conceited, but seriously, both chapters today I've posted have been relatively long. And, you'll forgive me for not really editing this one either? There may be a few run on sentences and mis-wordings, and if you find any that really bother you, just send me a message or tell me in the reviews. Speaking of reviews THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED! It makes me really happy to see we have almost 30 reviews so quickly! Please don't stop though, because your reviews make me want to update twice in one day, and if I get enough telling me you want me to keep doing that, I'll do it tomorrow too!  
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><p>"Where are we going now?" I ask in a pleading voice, as James grabs my wrist. He only chuckles at my annoyance and pulls me behind him. I sigh and run along, following his lead. His fingers enclosed my wrists are shooting <em>zaps <em>up my arm, the slight contact already affecting me more then I would like it.

The day has slowly grown to night, and the bright streetlights of London are slowly turning on. He drags me into a tight alleyway. "We're going to Side-Along Apparate. Are you ready?"

"How do I know where you're taking me?" I ask, "You aren't supposed to Apparate with someone unless you know where your going, the Ministry has made it a huge thing since You-Know-Who and his followe-" My rambling is cut off by the yanking at my navel and the claustrophobic feeling that occurs with Apparating. I feel dizzy, my head spinning as it always does after Side-Along, and stumble to the side.

James catches me, his hands on my shoulders as he steadies me, before letting go. He seems cautious, touching me and with the things he says, as though I might change my mind about being with him at any second. I don't blame him though; I haven't given him a reason in the past that suggested I wanted to spend any time with him. Today has been the exception, to everything. Before, I'd seen him mature, now, I have actually experienced it.

I take in my surroundings, looking at a tall coliseum-looking building of sorts, the tops of the dome shaped architecture just licking the sky.

"Where are we?" I ask, patiently waiting for his response. He gives me this smirk, this all-knowing smile that I know can't be good. He just nods his head in the direction of the building, and we make our way over to it.

There is a steady stream of people standing at the various doorways and slowly moving inside. James leads us to the back of one of the lines, and we wait as we slowly progress towards the doors. I can tell by the clothing that the people around us our wearing that it's some sort of wizarding event. Some are wearing robes, others are wearing jerseys of sorts...wait a minute.

"James... Are we at a _Quidditch match?_" His grin grows in response to my question.

"Ms. Evans, I'm surprised it took you this long to figure it out!" he exclaims, mocking me as he says it.

"You're a prat," I tell him, shoving him to the side a bit. "I've never been to a match before, so it's not my fault.

"Well, I know you've never been to a professional match before-" he starts, before I cut him off.

"I've never been to _any_ match before!"

"What?" he gasps, "Not even one at Hogwarts?" I shake my head no, and his jaw drops.

"Well, surely you would know that, have you ever seen me at one?" He ponders this for a moment before speaking again.

"I guess not... but I just assumed you had at least been to one, maybe just in first year."

"Nope," I reply, popping the 'p'. He smiles at me, and we chat about Quidditch until we get to the gates. I expect him to pull out a ticket, but the ticket collector smiles when he sees James.

"Why hello there James," he says jovially. I look at his name tag and sees it reads, _Tom Underwood. _

"Hello Mr. Underwood, how are you?" James asks him, as if they are old friends.

"I'm great my boy, thanks for asking. You can go on in, I'm trusting to the Potter box?" He clarifies, and James nods. "You and your girlfriend can go right on up," he says, and my face instantly goes warm.

We both shake our heads, mine a bit more furiously then James's, and I stutter, "No-um no.. Just friends."

"Sure," he says with a wink, before ushering us in and taking on the next customer. My face is still flushed with the sickly red color, one that I can't help but be embarrassed by. James is laughing madly by the time we get in, and I give him a glare.

"What?" I enquire. "What are you laughing at?"

"The color of your face!" he chuckles.

"Shut it!" I command, but after a moment start laughing with him. After the giggles are gone, I look around. We are in the vending area, with booths set up all around us, selling jerseys and other merchandise. I read the name on the jerseys and find that the Chudley Cannons are playing Puddlemere United. I have heard of these teams, both from Alice and Marlene, but didn't know anymore then their names.

I glance down at my outfit, and feel utterly out of place in my dress and boots.

"I look ridiculous," I mutter under my breath, yet James still catches it. I look up at him and ask, "Do we have time to run back to my house to let me change?" He shakes his head.

"The match starts in ten minutes, and we won't want to miss any of it. Puddlemere is going to crush!" Though James is also wearing Muggle clothes, he pulls it off better then me, he blends in more. In a pair of loosely fitting jeans (except around the bum, I have noticed. Not that i was staring-no, no I just happened to notice it) and a polo shirt.

He notices the uncomfortable look on my face, and says, "Come over here." I follow him over to one of the vending stations where the jerseys are being sold. "Pick one."

"No, I don't have any wizarding money on me," I explain. Rolling his eyes, he points to one of the dark blue Puddlemere ones, with a large 17 on the front.

"Don't be silly," he teases, "I'm paying of course." I automatically notice how he says it, just as Alice always does, as if money doesn't matter. I always knew James was wealthy, but the way he glided through the gates without a ticket and is now offering this means he has much more then I previously thought.

"James, this isn't a date, and I can't let you pay for this," I say, feeling even more awkward then before.

"Look, I'll pay for it now, and you can pay me back later. But I am _not _going to let you wear that up there, because those are the colors of the Chudley Cannons," he says, pointing to her dress. "I'm only looking out for you, I don't want everyone to think your one of them." I laugh at his competitive words, before finally sighing and nodding, telling him he can buy me one. He picks out that for me, and gets a t-shirt of his own.

He reaches into his pocket (where an obvious extension charm is placed) and places a few galleons on the counter, before waiting for his change. When he gets it back, he hands me over the jersey. I yank my jacket off my arms and pull the shirt over my head. Though I look quite silly, with my dress sticking out beneath the jersey, its better then before.

I look up to see he has put his on too, and is smiling widely. His glasses are quite crooked on his nose, falling down as they always do. I get a peek of his eyes, and notice they are a stunning hazel, though I always just assumed they were brown. They are quite pretty, really, and stand out nicely from his raven hair, which is actually quite tamed today.

"Let's go!" he says excitedly, after I'm finished staring, before leading the way up to the box. Part of me wishes he would grab my wrist like before, but he doesn't. I see a few girls, around our age, goggling at him, and I clench my fist. Here comes the jealousy again. We are almost to the door, labeled 'A' that I'm assuming takes us up to out seats, when I hear something behind me.

"Excuse me," says a high pitched voice, "Can you help me find my seat?" We both turn around, and find a brunette, blue eyed beauty standing there, head tilted to the side. She's wearing a short, navy blue skirt with Quidditch robes over top and _lots_ of leg peaking out. At least I had the dignity to wear tights with mine!

"Yeah, sure!" says James obliviously, before walking over and taking the ticket from her hand. Their talking is too low to hear, and the talking of the crowds around us is blurring it out as well as the pure jealousy ringing through my ears. I do hear one thing, though, and that is the high pitched squeals of her laughter. What is so funny that she has to laugh like that?

I see that James is pointing through the crowd, and motioning with his hands. She is practically clinging onto his arm, and nodding energetically. He looks like he's about done and starts to walk back toward me before I hear her ask him, "Can I owl you sometime?" Her eyes widen, but I don't wait for James to answer. I march over and grab his arm.

"He's with me," I state loudly, giving her a glare.

"He is?" she asks.

"I am?" he mutters, not loud enough for her to hear it though.

"Yes, not come on James, we don't want to miss the game," I squeal, unaware of what I'm doing. Did I just say James was with me? Did I just say that _in front of James?i _Shit, shit, shit! What the bloody hell was I thinking?

These thoughts don't prevent me from leading him back to the door, and pulling him through. Silence insures between us for just a few seconds, before I break it.

"Lead the way," I mumbled, embarrassment filling my tone.

"What was that?" he asks, starting to climb the stairs in front of me as he says it.

"What?" I ask, pretending I don't know what he is talking about.

"You just..." he stutters, "You just..."

"What are you rambling on about?" I ask him, becoming more confident in my tone. Maybe if I play dumb, he'll leave the subject alone. he now turns of the stairs and into a hallway. At the end of the hallway is a door, with the word _'Potter'_ engraved on it.

"Don't play stupid, Lily," he says, "We both know your nothing of the sort." I gulp, my throat now feeling clogged up and my breathing ragged. Nervous energy is shooting through my veins.

"It's just... she was... she wouldn't have... she shouldn't have..." I stumble, trying to find the right words, before realizing there are none. I was obviously jealous, and he can see right through my fake little act.

"Jealousy is a very attractive quality on you," he whispers, backing me up into the door. I nod my head in thanks, not sure what else to do. My brain is yelling for me to shove him off of me, to accuse him of flirting with me, but my body is screaming for me to stay put. Safe to say, my body wins. His entire body is now only centimeters apart from mine, almost touching.

"You know," he says, his voice husky, "if we were together, I could do this." He brings his head down, and places a kiss right behind me ear. Zaps shoot through me, and my breathing is uncontrollable. "Or this." He places his lips on my ear, and blows in. Shivers fill my body, and I clench my fists. I must keep control. "Or even this." Warm lips press to my jaw bone, and my head almost lulls back in pleasure.

What am I doing? Why am I letting him control me like this? The pounding in my head gets too loud, and I use all my self control to not just place my lips on his at the very moment. "Or maybe this..." he trails off, and his lips are looming right over mine, barley a centimeter away. _One kiss_, I tell myself, _One kiss and then I will shove him off me. I will tell him that I'm not his girlfriend, that I don't want this. Just after one kiss. _

He leans in just a bit more, and I'm about to push mine into his when I hear a voice.

"Hey guys!" cries a deep voice, and both James and I jump back away from each other. I see not only Sirius, but Peter, Remus, Alice, and someone I don't quite recognise walking towards us. "Did you all get locked out or something?" Alice, knowing what was about to happen, buries her head in her hands.

"Yeah, Sirius, let's go with that," she says, and he nods, congratulating himself on his great detective skills. And when I say congratulating, I'm not even joking. I hear him say to himself, "Nice job, Sirius, you could be like that Muggle, Sherlook Humes!"

James reaches into his pocket and fumbles with the key, his hands shaking. Mine are too, and I can't believe what had just happened. I, Lily Evans, almost kissed James Potter!

The game is amazing, though I was still a little reluctant to be up so high. As James predicted, Puddlemere crushed the Cannons. Though it was nice to see Remus, he obviously had picked up on the same hint as Alice. Every time I would glance over at James, Remus would give me this knowing smile. After the match had finished, James spoke up.

"I hear there is an after-party of sorts in the Three-Broomsticks. Are you all up for it?" Sirius, and Peter cheer. Remus and I both stayed quiet. Alice claps her hands along with the stranger, who I had learned was named Brigette Bernard. She is a student at Beauxbatons Academy, and is a visiting cousin of Remus.

"You know," I say, "I am quite tired, I think I'll hit the hay." James face lights up.

"I'll accompany you home before I go over there, you know, because of the danger of the Death Eaters and stuff," he offers. Before I answer, Remus interjects.

"That's fine Prongs, I know you want to get over there. I'll take her home, because I'm not going to Hogsmeade." I can see why Remus would like to go home, for his eyes are sunken and he seems quite tired and weak today.

"No, really Moony, I can take her," says James, and looks at Remus, almost sizing him up.

"James, it's fine, Remus can take me." The box is in complete silence, all listening to the spat that the three of us are having.

"Whatever," grumbled James, before motioning for the others to come on. Remus and I lag behind, and talk between ourselves.

"It's great to see you Remus, how are you?" I ask, and he can tell I've noticed his state.

"I've been better," he explains, "Full moon is coming up." Remus, however sweet and gentle, was bitten as a werewolf as a child. Now, every full moon, he is transformed into a wild beast, one who can't be contained.

"God Remus, I'm sorry, I know how hard it is for you." Back in fourth year, I confronted him, telling him I knew of his problem. He confided in me, and told me the whole story. I promised never to tell, and I'd never broken it. We make lighter conversation until we are out of the stadium.

"Why don't you apparate, since I'm not quite sure where you live."

"Good thinking," I compliment, before grabbing his hand, and disapparating. When we arrive at the front of my house, we meander up to my porch. "So, why did you insist on taking me tonight?"

"Well," he starts, "I'm obviously not an idiot," he coughs, and mumbles a name sounding like Sirius, "And know what was happening back there. I think it would be good for James to... mull it over a bit before he does something he will regret in the morning." I laugh.

"You always know the right thing to do, Remus," I say.

"Yeah, well we don't need any more _drama_ in the Marauders at the moment. Gosh, I already have Sirius owling me every other hour about his love predicaments with Alice. I swear, James and Sirius are more like ten year old girls then seventeen year old blokes." I stop in my tracks when I hear him mention Alice and Sirius.

"Alice and Sirius?" I ask, trying to pry into what he said just moments ago.

"You know, the fling they had back in December?" asks Remus. I stare at him with wide eyes, taking in the thing he said. "Oh shit Lily, did she not tell you?" I shake my head no. "Please, can you just keep this to yourself? I'm sure she has a rational reason for keeping this from you!"

"I..." I trail off, not knowing what to say. On one hand, I want to rush up to my room, and owl Alice this very moment. On the other, I want her to tell me on her own time. "I promise I won't say anything."

"Thanks Lily. God, I'm such an idiot sometimes."

"Your not, we all slip up," I reply. "Hey, I should go get some sleep. Goodnight." I lean in, and give him a hug.

"Good luck with James, Lily. He really does care about you, please give him a chance," he says. I think about it before replying.

I respond, "You know, I think I will." A grin grows upon each of our faces, before I walk inside, content with the day. _Maybe I will give him a chance._

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><p><em><em>**A/N: Okay, so PLEASE REVIEW! REVIEWS MAKE ME UPDATE FASTER AND TWICE IN ONE DAY! REVIEWS MAKE LILY AND JAMES FALL IN LOVE! REVIEWS MAKE JAMES AND LILY SNOG! Oh, and I would love to hear your thoughts about the developing Sirius/Alice storyline, it's something I'm really excited about. **

***Spoiler for the next chapter* There's some asking out and some full moon action going on in that chapter! Review and say "I want more!" for me to send you a few hundred word sneak peak of the chapter!**

**SORRY FOR ANY SPELLING ERRORS AND MY CONTINUOUSLY LONG AUTHOR NOTES!**


	8. The Almost Date

**A/N: Hey everyone, I'm so sorry for the delay of this chapter. This has been like the first time I've been on since Friday, and I'm posting right away. For those I didn't send sneak peeks to, I was going to when I got on, but figured you'd rather just get the whole chapter now then a few hundred words. Is that okay? SORRY! Life gets in the way sometimes. Guys, we are only 4 short reviews away from 50 reviews! Holy crap, that's amazing. And this is only the 8th chapter. I think that's pretty snazzy, what about you? Well, I'm going to let you read now, so happy reading, I hope you like it. I'M GOING TO TRY TO UPDATE AGAIN AT ABOUT 7 TONIGHT SO COME BACK THEN FOR CHAPTER 9!  
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><p>I wake up the next day by a pillow thrown at me by Sirius, eat some breakfast, and fly around the field we call a background a bit on my broomstick, still remembering the feel of my lips on Lily's skin the night before. An abundance of "if only"s were coursing through my head: if only Sirius and the others had shown up five minutes later, if only I was able to walk Lily home and not Remus, if only I had just told her how I feel as we sat on the top of the bridge...<p>

I know that being sulky about it won't accomplish anything, but I'm grateful there isn't camp today, it being a Saturday, so I can talk a long shower and daydream about what would've happened if our almost-kiss hadn't been interrupted.

The flying helps take my mind off of things a bit, and when I get back inside, an owl I don't recognize waits for me in my bedroom, drinking out of my own owl's water bowl. I take the letter attached to it's leg and unroll it. The handwriting is easily one of a girl's and my heart nearly stops in my chest when I read what it says:

_James,_

_I had a lot of fun yesterday visiting London and seeing a Quidditch match with you, and I hope we can do it again sometime. That being said, I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner with me tonight (yes, as a date), perhaps Les Petits Sorciers in Diagon Alley?_

_Go ahead and send your reply back with my owl Donovan, but just a fair warning, he's kind of an idiot._

_Lots of love,_  
><em>Lily<em>

I have to slap myself a few times to make sure I'm not dreaming.

"YES!" I roar, punching my fist in the air and jumping up and down. I hurriedly pick up a quill from my desk, hands shaking, and write as fast as I possibly can:

_Dear Lily,_

_Yes, I would be more than delighted to go to dinner with you tonight! Anywhere you'd like to go sounds great, I don't mind what you want. You're going to have to let me pay for it, though; a true gentleman always pays on the first date (and all those that follow, ha-ha). Would it be okay if I picked you up at your place of residence at about seven o'clock?_

_Even more love than you might possibly have for me,_  
><em>James<em>

I reattach the letter to the owl it delivered, stroking its soft feathers with the hopes of motivating it to deliver it quickly. "Alright, take this back to Lily, okay?" I say. It tilts its head at me curiously, as if it didn't understand my orders. "Lily," I repeat, to no avail. "Take this to Lily, you damn bird!"

Finally, it understands my intent and it swoops out my open window into the morning air. I put my hands on the sides of my head and lean against the wall, overcome with joy. I laugh to myself as my imagination runs free, thinking about what will happen on this date, and all that follows, and our wedding day, and when we have our first child...

"Lily Potter," I whisper to myself, relishing the feel of it on my tongue. I laugh again, collapsing on the bed, and feel so happy I want to find a dementor somewhere, just so I can produce one hell of a Patronus charm. I am sure that this is the memory I will use every time I need to.

I don't move for half an hour, lying on my bed chanting, "Lily Potter, Lily Potter, I love you, Lily Potter," until I am pretty sure I've gone round the bend. Just as I'm about to get up and take a shower, knowing I have full need to today, Lily's owl returns and I rush to read her reply.

_Okay then, that sounds great! Here's my address:_

_18 Charbridge Avenue_

_Little Darling, Surrey_

_And seven o'clock sounds wonderful; see you tonight!_

_It's just an expression James but okay,_

_Lily_

I laugh I read it, especially the part about it being "just an expression." Who knows, maybe one day when she says that to me, it won't be just an expression. One day she'll mean it. And I'll mean it every time I say I love her back. Spending time with her yesterday made me realize the answer to Sirius's question: I really do love her, even the parts she's ashamed of, and whenever I'm with here there's this sort of subconscious voice in my head saying, "She's the one, she's the one."

Now I'm actually listening to the voice, and agreeing with it.

Sometimes I wonder what made me so attracted to Lily in the first place, and there are many answers to that. Aside from her gorgeous physique, the first thing that really caused me to notice her was her dislike for me, surprisingly. I had been used to having girls throw themselves at me (take the brunette from last night, for example) but Lily had always resisted me. That, of course, had always been what entranced me. At first it had been a chase, a sort of game to see if she would go out with me, but as time progressed it became so much more.

Then last year I had done my best to get over her, and I thought it worked, but being around her had rekindled the old flame. I was-and still am-hers once again. And maybe now, she might actually be mine.

I also wonder what caused this abrupt change from hating me to liking me, and I have a nagging suspicion it must be because seeing me as a coach, with kids, and with responsibility exposed her to the different side of me. And yesterday...yesterday was probably one of the best days of my life. I can still hear her softly whispering, "I trust you, James." Just the thought of it is enough to send shivers down my spine.

I hurry from my room into the shower, humming to myself a particularly cheesy Celestina Warbeck tune as I clean. After I get out of the shower, I attempt to make my black hair lie flat, to no success. I then spend the next three hours trying to figure out what to wear.

If my friends could see me now, they'd never let me live this one down.

My room looks like someone set off a bomb in it, with the contents of my closets strewn everywhere, multiple pairs of shoes on my bed, and a very confused-looking Sirius standing in the door...

"Prongs...what the hell?" is all he says before walking over to his bed and shoving all my clothes off of it. I grin at him, keeping the cause of my happiness to myself for a moment.

"Guess who has a date," I answer, almost giggling with excitement, "with Lily Evans."

His response, at first, is sitting there with his eyes on me and his mouth wide open. "...You're joking." I shake my head. His eyes grow wider and he grins too, standing up to congratulate me. "You're joking! How did you ever get her to say yes?" I shrug, palms facing the ceiling.

"I didn't! _She_ asked _me_ out!"

"Now you're _really_ joking. That's incredible, mate! Honestly, I'm really happy for you!" Sirius and I embrace in a brotherly manner, slapping each other on the back. "Just promise me one thing," he says as we pull apart. "_I_ get to be the best man at your wedding!"

I laugh and reply, "Of course, Padfoot. Now be a man and help me pick out what to where tonight." I expect him to laugh in return, but all I get on silence on his part. I look at his face, which shows none of the happiness he was wearing beforehand. "Padfoot? You okay, mate?"

"Tonight," he says simply. "The date is tonight." I nod my head vigorously, wanting him to get on with what he's trying to tell me. He glances at the floor then looks back up at me. "Tonight's the full moon, mate."

Shit.

I sit down on my bed-and probably a pair of shoes, also-and bury my face in my hands, moaning to myself. Sirius sits down next to me and awkwardly pats me on the back, unsure of what to say. I look at him and moan, "What do I do, Padfoot?" He shrugs, looking deep in thought.

"Well...I mean, it's possible just Peter and I could handle Remus tonight. You could go with her, seeing that, who knows, you might never get another chance."

"Gee, thanks."

"Sure thing."

I sigh, torn between what I desperately want to do and what I really should do. "No. I'll...I'll owl Lily and ask to reschedule. You three are more important than any girl. And if she hates me...so be it. Maybe I'd be able to get over her eventually." Sirius is the one who now looks torn, obviously sensing my misery but knowing what the right choice for me was.

"Well...alright, mate. I'm sure Evans will understand. And if it comes down to it...I think you should tell her. I know I wouldn't mind." I throw him a half-smile, grateful for what he just said, and sit down to write the letter to send to her. This is going to be extremely difficult.

_Lily,_

_I write this letter with the deepest regrets and the hopes that you'll be able to forgive me. As it just so happens, I have an obligation tonight that was predetermined a very long time ago and is unfortunately nonnegotiable. I am so, so sorry, Lily. I would give anything to go to dinner with you tonight, but this is a very important deed for a friend of mine._

_Would it be okay if we rescheduled dinner sometime soon? It would mean the world to me._  
><em>I'll explain everything another time.<em>

_With an unbearable amount of love,_  
><em>James<em>

I read the letter seven times over, seeing if I could improve it in any way. I decide I can't. As I walk to my owl's cage, I notice that Lily's bird Donovan is still there. He really is a stupid bird. I attach the letter to his leg and send him away-luckily, he seems to understand that I need him to go to his owner. I sit down on my bed, feeling empty and sorrowful, and wait for the night to be over.

On the bright side, I don't have to go through the agony of picking an outfit tonight.

That's still definitely not worth it.

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><p><strong>AN: REVIEWS MAKE THE DATE HAPPEN! REVIEWS MAKE LILY FORGIVE JAMES! IF WE GET TO FIFTY REVIEWS BY SEVEN TONIGHT, I'LL POST CHAPTER NINE! GOGOGOGO! PLEASE, TELL US WHAT YOU THINK! The next chapter is Lily's reaction, and then we have some very nice James and Lily kisses... whooops, I wasn't supposed to say that. ANYWAY, GO REVIEW!  
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	9. Stood Up

**A/N: Here's your second chapter because we reached 50 reviews! Thank you everyone! I really hope you enjoy. I might not be updating for a few days because my little sister is in the hospital and I have three papers due this week. As you can tell, I have a lot on my plate, and updating really isn't my top priority. Please, please keep reviewing, it means the world to me, especially at times like these when my life is really hard.  
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><p>I have a date tonight. A date with James Potter! I never thought I would ever say-er think-those words but there you have it! The arrogant and prattish and gorgeous and amazing James Potter. And he wasn't even the one who asked! Gosh, my head is spinning and I feel like I might puke, but in the nervous-excited way.<p>

Since two o'clock, since he sent his reply, I've been trying to decide what to wear. My closet is stocked full of school and Muggle clothes, but nothing for the in between. We would be going to Diagon Alley, but I couldn't wear my school robes! I rifle through my closet, throwing thing after thing onto the floor. I pull out a floral skirt, which falls about an inch above my knee. This could work...

I then come across the jersey he bought me last night, and sigh into it. No, it doesn't smell like him, but it's full of that memory. The memory of his lips on my skin, of them coming so close to my own...

I shake my head, knowing I need to focus, and keep rifling. At half passed three, I hear a knock on my door. "Lily?" calls my mom tentatively. "Are you okay? You haven't left your room all day?"

"Yeah Mom, you can come in," I reply, and she opens my door. She gasps, seeing my normally clean room look like a bomb went off.

"Lily, what have you been up to?" she laughs, not worried anymore. I sigh.

"I have a date tonight..." I start, but don't get to finish.

She interrupts and says, "Oh Lily, is it with James? Was he the one you were with on the porch last night? He was so cute!" Sometimes, I think my mom gets more excited about my dates then I do.

"Yes, it's with James," I confirm. "And no, that was Remus, he's James's good friend." Mom nods her head, and smiles largely at me.

"So, what are you going to wear?" she asks. I shrug, and motion to room in front of me.

"I like this skirt," I say, holding up the floral one. She nods approvingly. "But I don't know what to wear with it. I want to wear robes, but all I have are my school ones..."

"What about those dress ones I bought you in fifth year?" she asks.

"Mom, as I'm sure you've noticed, I've grown quite a bit since then. They won't fit..." I explain. She rolls her eyes at me.

"Lily, you're a witch. And you're of age. Use it." I'm still not use to the free reign of magic, but apparently, my mother is. Two hours later, I am wearing a pair of nicely fitting deep brown robes, with a white tank top and the floral skirt underneath. I am slipping on a pair of flats when my door bursts open.

"What happened in here?" asks Petunia snidely. Annoyance fills me too the brim.

I snap back, "Can you knock?" She just threw a dirty look at me.

"So, Mom says your going out with some boy?" I just grunt in response. "Is he a wizard?" Again, only a grunt. "Lily, you need to speak with me in more then just barbaric noises.

"Yes, Petunia, I'm going out with 'some boy' and yes, he is a wizard. Happy?" She doesn't say anything for a few minutes. I'm about to explode at her when she finally speaks.

"You know, I probably have someone I can set you up with." For a moment, I think maybe this isn't my sister. I think maybe Alice took some Poly-Juice Potion and it playing a prank on me.

"And why would you do that?" I ask, knowing she would never willingly do something kind or nice to me.

"Lily, your my sister. I want you to be happy, and that's not going to happen with someone.. like you. If you end up with someone... that's not freaky or whatever, you could maybe give up magic. You could give up magic and be my sister again." I knew there was something in it for Petunia. There always was with her.

"So, you'd rather me be miserable with someone I don't like, then be with a wizard?" I spit out. She looks taken aback, like she was expecting I would throw my arms around her when I heard the offer.

"Lily, we would be a family again," she says, trying to grab my hands.

"No!" I shout. "Get out!" It was usually me begging with Petunia, me trying to get her forgiveness, but not this time. No, this time she went to far.

She stands up, without a word, and flounces out again, like the conversation never happened. My blood is boiling and my fingers are clenched together in a fist.

I stare at the clock, a quarter passed five, and can't wait for James to come. I know he will make me laugh and forget everything that happened, and I just can't wait. James is the one good thing in my life right now. What, with Petunia being herself, and Alice keeping secrets, James is the person who makes me happy.

I lay down on my bed, and close my eyes. Dozing off, I start to dream about being with James. I think about going on dates with him, and holding his hand. Everything he did before hasn't been forgotten, but it's been forgiven.

I jolt awake, and look at the clock. It's seven now! I rush around my room, grabbing my bag and slipping on my shoes (which have fallen off). I sit, perched on my bed, and wait. After five minutes, I realize he's probably just late, and decide to write a letter to take my mind off things.

_Dear Alice,_

_You're not going to believe this, but tonight I am going to go on a date with James Potter! I know what your thinking, I finally have gone insane, but he's changed. I've had feelings for him the last year, but they've obviously been hidden very, _very_ deep. Just thought I'd let you know, before someone else told me. Anything interesting happen to you lately that you'd like to tell me? Or even something that happened awhile ago which you forgot to mention?_

_With Love,_

_Lily Evans_

After I'm finished, I clean off my quill and put it away with my ink. I then go over to Donovan's cage, to give him the letter. I look around, and realize he's not there. Probably got lost, that stupid bird. Whatever, I'll just send it when he gets back, he always does.

The clock now says half passed seven. He's probably just running late or got the time wrong. He's coming. I keep telling myself that, and slowly the clock turns to eight. I decide I can't wait upstairs any longer, because I might drive myself crazy. After I arrive downstairs, I walk into the living room, which is thankfully empty. I try to take my mind off things by watching the telly for a little bit, but it doesn't work.

At half passed eight, my mother comes in.

"Sweety, when is James getting here?" she asks, and I give her a weak smile.

"He should be here any minute. I think he's just running late." Her smile returns and she claps her hands a bit. She sits down next to me, and we watch the telly for another hour. All I can do is think of James, how maybe he's lost or maimed or something. I mean, where else would he be?

"Are you sure he said tonight?" Mom asks. I nod, but don't take my eyes of the television. They are slowly filling with tears. Mom walks out of the room, and I hear her conversing with Dad, though I don't know exactly what they are saying. Petunia walks by the room, looks at me, and walks away. I have a feeling she thinks I'm some pathetic loser who got stood up. But I'm not, because James is coming.

Once ten hits, Mom comes back in the room. She kneels next to me, grabs my hands, and says, "Lily, I don't think James is coming. Maybe we should get you some dinner." I shake my head no. "Lily, please, sweety, maybe something happened. But you need to come eat something." Mom continues to try to convince me for a few more minutes before the tears start falling.

"Oh darling..."

"No!" I cry, before darting off the couch and sprinting up to my room. Once I get there, I shove my shoes and bury my face in my bed. The little mascara and eyeliner I'm wearing is running down my face, and the elegant bun I had wrapped my hair in falling out, curls springing in all directions. I don't know when I fall asleep, but it is somewhere in between the hysterics. Dried tears are etched onto my face.

The red glow of my alarm clock reads 2:01 when I hear a bump at my window. I jolt up from my bed, now under the covers with my robes off, only wearing the skirt and tank top. Sometime throughout the night, Mom must have come in and helped me into bed.

I hear another bump, and unwrap myself from the covers. Shit, where is my wand? It was in my robes. I frantically look around my room, before realizing Mom must have taken them to the wash. Holy fucking bloody hell. There is a Death Eater or Voldemort or someone outside my door and I have no protection. I grab a hairbrush from my dresser table and hold is like a baseball bat. My window slides open and my breathing becomes heavier.

I did this to my family, I killed them! If I wasn't a witch, they wouldn't have to die. A black head of hair pops through my window, followed by a pair of glasses, and a very fit Quidditch body.

"God Lily, your window is high," he gasps, before vaulting himself through.

"Fuck James, you scared the shit out of me!" I whisper, not wanting to wake anyone else up. I take him in, his bruised face and cut body. The night floods back to me, and I can't help but let out a sob. The fright momentarily distracted me, but now everything was back. And my heart couldn't help but feel anything but broken.

In just three strides, James is across the room and holding me tight. For everything that he has done to me, I should shove him off. But seeing how beaten up he is, I know it can't be his fault. He must have gotten attacked by someone to look that horrible. I cry into his chest for a few minutes.

"I owe you an explanation."

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><p><strong>PLEASE REVIEW! REVIEWS MAKE LILY AND JAMES KISS! REVIEWS MAKE LILY AND JAMES GET TOGETHER! REVIEWS MAKE LILY FORGIVE JAMES! Please review guys, lets get our reviews up to 70! THANKS SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWS!<strong>


	10. Stag and Doe

**A/N: Now, before you yell at me for not updating, let me start this authors note by giving you a plate of cookies, okay? *Hands you plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies* Um... so, to make up for not updating, along with the cookies, I'm going to try to update everyday this week. Next week is midterms, so I probably won't update a lot, but procrastination is key for me, so maybe I will. Oh, and by the way, I may start another story on this account, so you may want to look out for it soon. It's going to be an AU Jily, but that's all I'm going to say. Again, thanks so much for all the reviews, I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH *group hug* aww that was nice.  
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><p>"I owe you an explanation," I say into Lily's red hair, stroking her back. Her side of the hug is a little stiff, but after heaving a great sigh she wraps her arms around my waist. "I did say I would give you one later." She pulls away from my chest, giving me a confused look.<p>

"You did?" she asks, evidently puzzled. "When'd you say that?" Now I give her the confused look.

"In my letter, the one I sent with Donovan at around three o'clock this afternoon."

She still looks very bewildered. "Donovan hasn't come back since I sent you my address...knowing him, he probably got lost. Such a stupid animal." She sighs again and leans her head against my chest again, and I hope she can't tell how fast my heart is being, given the fact that she still hasn't left my embrace.

"Come," I say, pulling away from her arms. "Let's sit down and I'll tell you everything." She nods blankly and I pull her over to her bed-awkward, but the only place in her room that could fit the both of us. I consider resting against her headboard, but I think that would be a little too much for her this one night. Instead, I sit on her floor, resting against the bed itself, and pat the bit of carpet next to me.

She seats herself and gazes at me-not with anger, sadness, or confusion. Instead with nothing. Her expression is so blank it's unnerving, and I want her to feel something. I wouldn't mind if she hated me right now, but that look on her face...

"Remus Lupin is a werewolf."

"I know that."

"You do?" She shrugs casually, as if this is no big deal.

"I found out in fourth year. And it's not like it changes my opinion. What happened to Remus was awful, but it wasn't his fault. He's still my friend. What's that got to do with anything?" Those three sentences in the middle there? A total reminder of why I was in love with her.

"Actually, it has everything to do with it. Now, I don't really know how I'm going to say this, so I'm just going to tell it like it is." Lily rolls her eyes.

"That's wonderful, James, just get on with it." I take a deep breath, knowing there's no turning back now. And frankly, I don't care-I want to do this. I'm not going to keep any secrets from Lily anymore.

"I'm an Animagus, as are Sirius and Peter, all illegally, and every full moon we run around with Remus when he's a werewolf but he can't harm us as animals. It' to keep him in check and take him out of his misery." I say in one breath, coming out of me quickly. I wonder for a moment if she was able to understand me, but one look at her shocked face and I know she did. At least the literal part of it.

"You're an Animagus." I nod.

"A stag."

"And so are Sirius and Peter." I nod again.

"A dog and a rat."

"Illegal Animagi." I nod again.

"It's funny, cause my dad's the head of the Animagus Registry Department in the Ministry." She pretty much ignores this statement.

"And you all became Animagi so...?" She trails off, waiting for me to finish her statement.

"Well, before we did, Remus hated being a werewolf. He would scratch and bite himself without any humans around him. But he can't harm us when we're animals, so when we're at Hogwarts we romp around the Forbidden Forest for the full moon, and when we're not we do it in the woods behind my house."

Lily is silent for a moment, just staring at my face with that same blank expression. I let her take it in for a moment, knowing just how much it is to take in, and after a long silence she finally says, "Show me." She doesn't specify what, but...I know.

I stand and take her by the hand, leading her to her open window. I climb out, her following after me, and walk on her roof to the edge, where the roof of her family's car is a short hop away. Lily follows without hesitation, and I know that I successfully cured her fear of heights. Once we're both down on the ground, left alone on her suburban street, she pulls me by the hand to her front yard. Once there, I stand a few feet away from her, looking in her green eyes for a moment. The next thing I know, they are much wider and she reaches out a tentative hand to touch my nose. My stag nose.

"James..." she whispers, stroking my fur gently. I trot a bit closer. I'm not used to humans seeing or touching me, but Lily's caress is soft, her gaze knowing and attentive, and her presence enchanting. After a moment, I shift back, returning to a taller height than Lily. Her hand is still on my face.

"Your eyes," she says quietly, mystified by my transformation.

"What about them?" I ask just as quietly, staying still. I know that mine aren't leaving hers, because in my world, nothing else exists.

"They don't change." She pauses. "When the rest of you does...the same shade...of hazel..." I'm curious how to respond to what she said, but I don't say anything. Right now, words can't convey all we're feeling, all that's happening in this moment. But I know something that can.

I close the distance between us and do what I was going to last night before Sirius interrupted. I ever-so-gently press my lips to hers. Lily hesitantly kisses me back, and for a moment that's all we need: one small, chaste kiss to know how we really feel about each other.

I pull away after our lips have been touching only a few seconds. When I do, her eyes slowly drift open and meet mine. And what I see in them is what I'm sure is reflected in mine.

That's what makes me bring my lips back to hers, this time with a little more determination, and her response is filled with passion. Her arms fling around the back of my neck, mine around her thin waist, and I'm pretty sure I lift her off the ground a few inches. Her lips part and I accept the invitation gratefully, deepening the kiss. After what may be seconds, minutes, or hours, we reluctantly pull apart, once again meeting each others eyes.

"I'm sorry," I murmur quietly, mesmerized by her.

"For what?" she replies just as quietly, only letting her question be reflected in her eyes.

"For cancelling our date." She smiles, a very small smile, but a smile all the same. Still locked in each other's arms, she pulls her face closer to my ear and whispers, "I think I like it better this way." Sparks shoot through my body, feeling her breath on my ear and her hands in my hair.

She breaks eye contact and glances back up at her window. "You know, I think I'm going to need some help getting back into my room," she says at a normal volume. I grin.

"Allow me to be of assistance, m'lady," I proclaim eloquently, stepping away from Lily and bowing. She rolls her eyes but smiles, and as we walk back towards her family's car I hear her say, "Gryffindors, always so chivalrous..."

I find it fair to assume that Lily didn't need any help with the climbing taken to get back to her window, but she still uses it as an excuse to hold my hand a lot (I do, too). We aren't back in her room for four seconds before she starts kissing me even more passionately than before, this time with a more hurried sense than before. Our lips never leaving each others, we stumble over to her bed, collapsing on it as if we're one body instead of two.

Her hands run down my arms, setting my nerves on fire, and mine go under her tank-top, feeling the soft skin of her stomach. I realize what's happening the same second she does, but she pulls away first.

"James," she says, panting as if she just ran a long distance. "We should slow down."

"You're right." I am just as out of breath as she is. "We should wait until at least after the third date to go any farther." I add a grin to the end of my statement and get a smirk and an eye roll in return, just the effect I wanted. More serious this time, I say again, "Lily, I want you to know that I will _never_ take advantage of you, or lie to you, or pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. I'm lucky just to be able to do this," I lean over and give her a short kiss on the lips, "and I don't want that to stop."

Lily smiles before leaning over and kissing my nose. "I like you a lot, James. And like I said the other day...I trust you. You're one of the few people I trust most these days..." She trails off, and neither of us say anything for a while. We lie in each others arms, and I think she might have fallen asleep at some point. I, however, am so awake it's not even funny: Lily has set every part of me on fire, and wherever she touches me a _zing_ of sorts travels through me.

"Oh, my God!" she exclaims suddenly, as if she had a revelation of sorts. "It makes sense now...! Oh, my God!"

"Erm...what does?" I ask, glancing down at her. She sits up and I follow suit, still not receiving a clarification.

"Last year, in Flitwick's class, when we were practicing Patronus Charms, do you remember what mine was?" What this has to do with anything, I'm not sure, and I shake my head no. "Well, it...ugh, I don't have my wand...maybe it's over there..." Lily walks over to a pile of what must be dirty clothes and fishes through them, particularly in what looks like brown robes. She pulls out her wand and stands again, her face bright and confident. I hear her mutter the incantation, and a large silver doe comes springing from her wand.

A doe.

I slowly stand and walk to her, not taking my eyes off her face. She turns back to me, and we hold steady eye contact for a moment. Eventually, the doe fades-well, it does when Lily breaks her concentration due to the fact that I'm kissing her at least as passionately as before.

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><p><strong>AN: SO? SOOOO? hehehehe you're welcome. LOOK THEY GOT TOGETHER! HEHE COME ON GUYS, YOU'VE GOT TO REVIEW! THEY FINALLY GOT TOGETHER... AWWW :) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I'LL UPDATE AGAIN TODAY IF YOU ALL REVIEW! **


	11. Bloody Hell James Potter is my boyfriend

**A/N: Um.. yeah. Hi. I don't have much to say today but usually I find something to ramble on about this so... yeah. Sooo updates will significantly slow down next week for TWO reasons and those would be... 1) Up until now, all the chapters have been written, and we are getting to the point at Chapter 17 when we will post after we finish, instead of posting alread written (yet poorly edited) chapters.** **Plus, Maddy is grounded and can't get on the computer. And she writes James and I write Lily soooo... AND 2) Midterms are next week! YAY. Not. KILL ME NOW. So, I will be vigorously studying for those, and will have little time to post. BUT I WILL TRY, I PROMISE! You know what motivates me, though? _Reviews_. Hehe. GO REVIEW AFTER THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE I'M TOO NICE AND POST TWO DAYS IN A ROW, PLUS, LILY AND JAMES ARE TOGETHER! P.S. We have some serious Alice/Sirius action in this chapter. Your welcome ;) **

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><p>James Potter is my boyfriend. <em>James Potter is <em>my _boyfriend. _No matter how many times I thought it, it never got old. He kissed me last night. He kissed me and it was amazing. I'd never thought kissing James Potter would be something I would like to do. But, surprisingly, it's quite enjoyable.

The whole "no coach/student" thing was kind of a downer, but I was too high off his lips to notice. The next day, I apparate to camp. I am a few minutes early, and there aren't too many people on the fields, only some of the coaches setting up, including my coach.

"Hey Lily!" he greets me excitedly as I walked up. The bruising on his face has gone down some, but I can tell he is still sore. His eyes have large bags under them, and I feel a wave of guilt for keeping him up late.

"Hullo James," I reply, smiling back at him. My heart swells at the look of his wind tossed hair and crooked glasses. He strides over to me, placing an arm around my waist, and pulls me in for a kiss. His lips taste like syrup and coffee, and I smile into the kiss. "James," I sigh, "You know we can't do this now."

"Sorry," he whispers, before reluctantly letting me go. "Can you do something tonight?" he whispers in my ear, making me shiver with pleasure.

"I didn't really think about it when I asked you before, because we could have been seen. So maybe... maybe we could do something more low key?" I enquire, looking up at him with doe eyes. Gettit? Doe eyes, because, you know, he's a stag and my patronus is a doe and... Okay, maybe I shouldn't try to make those jokes anymore. Okay, onward!

"Whatever you want," he says, before kissing me behind the ear.

"I'm serious you've got to stop," I command. His face breaks into a grin.

"You're not Sirius, your Lily!" he jokes, before breaking into laughter. I bury my head in my hands, ashamed I made a pun as bad as that only moments ago.

"No Sirius/serious puns!" We both laugh, before he gets back to spreading the brooms out. I walk over to help him, picking up one at a time.

"Lily!" I spin around, and see Alice walking toward me. A huge grin is on her face, and she glances between me and James. I blush furiously back, before walking over to her like she's motioning me to.

"Hullo Alice!" I reply lightly, "How are you?"

"I haven't talked to you about Friday yet! When we saw you two at the door.. you looked like you were about to... you know..." She giggled, unable to say the word. I'm about to ask her why she didn't reply to my owl, or why she's not asking about the date, when I realize I never sent her the letter! I'd never attached the letter to Donovan!

I should tell her about it. About the date, and the almost kiss, and the real kisses, but I stop. She still hasn't told me about whatever happened between her and Sirius, and she hasn't mentioned anything about breaking up with Frank, so I'm guessing she hasn't told him either. It may be petty, but I can't help but want to keep this secret from her, to get back.

"I don't know what your talking about," I reply, shrugging my shoulders at her.

"Lily, don't lie to me, I saw it with my own two eyes," she responds, looking at me as if I may be joking.

"I'm being serious, I don't know what your talking about," I lie. I feel bad, but I'm still very annoyed with her.

"God, Lily, what's your problem?" she spits back, her temper rising too.

"You've got to be _kidding _me? It's not me with the problem," I bellow, my voice rising.

"You're standing there, lying to my face!" she screams. We are attracting attention now, but I don't care.

"You've been lying to my face since December!" I wail, and she recoils as if I slapped her.

She now lowers her voice, getting closer, and whispers, "How do you know about that?"

Did she really think I wouldn't pick up on the signs? "Do you think I'm an idiot? I see the way you two look at each other, how you act around him! You've been with Frank since fourth year, how could you do this to him?" I see her eyes filling with tears.

She stutters through choked sobs, "It just... it just happened... I don't want to hurt either of-of them-em." My heart tugs slightly, and my sympathy builds for her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask tentatively. People are flowing into the fields, some staring at as for a few seconds, but Alice is my top priority now.

"You-ou would be so...so disa-disapointed," Alice mumbles, tears flowing freely from her eyes now.

"God, Alice, don't you know that's not true? I will always love you, no matter what, and trust every decision you make. I only want whats the best for _you_," I embrace her now, and we are both just hugging. Once I pull away, she wipes the tears from her eyes.

"I'm sorry," we both say at the same time, and I let out a chuckle.

"Do you love Frank?" I ask her, and she nods. "Do you love..." I lower my voice to a whisper now. "Do you love Sirius?" She looks at me, eyes wide, as if she hadn't thought about it.

"I don't... I just don't know," Alice finally responds.

I place a hand on her shoulder, and say, "It's going to be alright. Do you want to come over tomorrow for the night? You know, like a slumber party?" She nods, and I hug her once more. Alice and I are a lot alike, in the way we can't hold grudges. Only seconds after our fight we are already hugging and forgiving each other. That's what makes our friendship so special.

"Love you," I whisper.

"Love you, too."

"James, where are we going?" I ask, his hand around me eyes. When he showed up at my house promptly at seven, he had grabbed my wrists with one hand, covered my eyes with another, and disapparated to who knows where. I am wearing what I had planned on yesterday, but with a plaid skirt instead of the floral one.

"You'll see," he says from behind me. We walk a little ways, me stumbling over anything that was in front of me, due to my lack of vision.

"James!" I finally say, quite frustrated, "Where are we?"

"You'll see," he sing-songs, before finally uncovering my eyes. In front of me is a magnificent house, with grand hedges in the front and a beautiful front porch.

"Is this some sort of... museum or what?" I ask, confused at why we are here. He coughs awkwardly before mumbling something I can't quite make out. "What was that?"

He speaks louder and clearer this time, saying, "Um.. No, this is my house." I start coughing, practically chocking on my own spit as I look again at the ginormous structure. Sure, Alice's house was large, but it didn't even compare to this.

"You're fucking me?" I say.

"I wish..." he jokes, and my jaw falls open.

"You have such a dirty mind!" I gasp, giving him a joking shove.

He throws his hands up and replies, "Hey, I'm not the one with a potty mouth."

I respond slowly, enunciating every word. "You. A. Fucking. Prat!" He just laughs, and starts running up the front pathway.

"Wait!" I call. "Where are you going?" He continues to laugh, so I have no choice but to chase after him. When I catch up to him, I jump onto his back, my legs wrapping about his waist, and my arms around his neck. I lean over, and kiss him on the cheek from behind, feeling the fuzz on his chin.

I jump down, but he doesn't let me off so easy. He whirls around, snaking his arm around my waist, and pull me up to him, planting his lips on mine. I jump, and wrap my legs around his waist again, this time at a different angle.

He licks my bottom lip, and I open my mouth, trying to get as close to him as possible. I tangle my hands in his dark hair, and push closer to him, his glasses pressing into my face. One hand stays firmly on my waist, holding me up, while the other travels up and down my back, drawing patterns and shapes.

"Mm," he says as I move my lips to kiss his scruff, "You taste so good." I murmur back an unintelligible response, before placing my lips back on his. He breaks it this time and whispers, "You know what would taste good right now?"

"What?" I whisper, now kissing his ear.

"Some food I cooked for you that's getting cold." At this, he sets me back onto the ground. For a moment, I think about pouting, before I realize. James Potter just broke a kiss with _me _and I'm the one who doesn't want to stop. I chuckle at the irony.

"What?" he asks.

"Nothing."

"You know, Lily Evans, you really are one crazy bird."

"James, this house is amazing," I say, barley being able to believe my eyes. The interior design is stunning, every single room decorated to the maximum.

"Erm... thanks," he says, turning slightly red. "Don't worry, my parents aren't here." I look at him, trying to figure out if that was some sort of reference to sex..."No, no! Not like _that_. I just mean it seems to early for you to meet them..." I giggle.

"Oh, okay, sure."

"Look who has the dirty mind _and _the dirty mouth now!" He mocks.

"Are we eating, or getting lost in your house?" I ask, changing the subject.

"Be patient," he says. We walk through the halls, stopping a few times to snog- I mean, I mean talk. We did not snog in James's hallway or next to a marble statue or underneath that creepy painting of a horse who wouldn't stop neighing at us. Nope, that is definitely not what happened.

"Okay, here we are," he says, leading us up a narrow hallway and into a small dining area. The first thing I notice is an open door and into a large kitchen, where a few house elves are scurrying around.

The second thing I notice is Sirius sitting at the table, gobbling down food. "Prongsh, dis food is delishioush! Did you make itch yourshhelf? Oh, hey Lilsh-Flohwer." Before I can even try and decode what he just said, James face twists into a grimace, and then a full out scowl.

"Padfoot! That food was for Lily! Molly can make you something if you want, but I made this special." James is seething, but Sirius just looks hurt.

"Gosh, Prongs, sometimes I feel you don't love me or appreciate my human garbage disposal skills." He pouts for a second, but scurries out when he sees James's anger not fading.

"Voila," he says, motioning for me to sit down and eat. Though Sirius ate some, there was still plenty left. Just one more thing I didn't know about James Potter: He was an amazing cook.

James's tongue is down my throat, and I'm perched on top of him as we snog on his bed. His hands are roaming my sides, and ever since my hands touched his hair for the first time, I can't keep them out. I pull on it a little be hard, and he moans into me. I suppress a moan as he flips me over and starts kissing down my neck.

"You," kiss, "taste," kiss, "so," kiss, "good," he says, now running his hands through my hair. My robes are tossed on the floor and me shirt is halfway off when I knock comes from the door.

"James, honey, are you in there? Sirius said you were in your room with some girl?" asks a woman, who I assume is his mother, from outside the door.

"Uh, yeah, one second Mom," he says, sending me a panicked look. I jump out from under him, pulling my shirt down on the way, and grab my robes from the floor. I shove my arms into them before pulling my now messy hair into a high ponytail.

"James, I'm coming in," she says, just as I mouth 'Your shirt' to James. Thankfully, he pulls his shirt down in time. When his mother walks in, we are sitting there on his bed, pretending we were talking.

"Honey, who is this?" she asks, widening her eyes.

"Um this is Lily, my..." he trails off, unsure of what to say. I take over, standing up and holding out my hand to her.

"Hi, I'm James's student, Lily Evans. We were just discussing Quidditch techniques," I say, smiling my adult-pleasing, innocent as always smile.

"Very nice to meet you Lily, I'm Cassie Potter." She flashes James a smile, before saying, "I'm going to go make your father some dinner, because of his late meeting. You two have fun." As she walk out of the room though, her hand hesitates on the door. "Why don't we leave this door open? It seems a little hot in here." I blush furiously, picking up on the hint. She knew what we were doing it here.

Once she is at a safe distance away, I ask, "Did you tell her about me?"

James mutters, "Well, sorta. I told her I liked you, and that you were my student. Not that we were dating though."

Nerves suddenly shoot through me as the first person, other then the Marauders and Alice, know. "Will she tell anyone?"

"Nah, I don't think so. She knows about the rule, and she wouldn't want to get us in trouble." I nod, and suddenly, James is leaning closer. "You know, this is a big house. We would hear her coming." I nervously gulp again. His lips are a millimeter from mine. "No one is watching."

A moment later, once our lips are touching, Sirius pops up at the door. "Except for me!" I jump back from James, my heart racing. Shit, he scared me!

"Go away," groans James, before throwing a pillow and hitting Sirius in the face. I hear him mumble, "No one loves me," before his footsteps echo threw the hallways.

"Now, where were we..."

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><p><strong>AN: SO? what did you think? PLEASE tell us in the reviews. REVIEWS MAKE ME POST EVERYDAY THIS WEEK! REVIEWS MAKE ME POST TWICE IN ONE DAY! Oh, and the next chapter will be in Lily's POV too, because this was once one chapter but WAY too long, like 5k words. OKAY SO I'VE SPENT WAY TOO LONG ON THIS AUTHORS NOTE SO I WILL GO NOW BECAUSE GLEE COMES ON TONIGHT AND I WANT TO SEE THE GORGEOUS DARREN CRISS BECAUSE HE IS SO SUPER MEGA FOXY AWESOME HOT!**

... I wonder if anyone got that reference... If you did, here are some delicious Red Vines *hands you Red Vines*

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	12. A Different Romance

**Author's note: Hey guys! This is Maddy here, the other writer of this story. All your updates have been from Robin, since this site really confuses me...Anyway, I've been writing the chapters in James's POV and I really enjoy writing this and getting all the wonderful criticism from you guys. Thank you for reading this story! Okay, now a note on this chapter: This is still in _Lily's _POV because this and the chapter before it were too long to be one chapter, so now they're two. Oh and sorry for not updating this as much as we have been recently (oh Robin and her twice-a-day updates...); there have just been a lot of things getting in the way. Midterms, stupid parents, and homework being the main ones. But we'll try to keep uploading on a regular schedule and appreciate your patience! Now I'll let you read.**

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><p>"So, are you and James...together?" asks Alice, and I nod. She squeals, and grasps my hands, practically breaking them in the process.<p>

"Okay, okay Alice, enough of that," I say, prying my throbbing hands from hers and shaking them out.

"Tell me the story!" she cries, sitting on the edge of my bed as I sit in the rolling chair.

"Well, we had an amazing day in London..." I say, before telling her the entire story. I tell her about the bridge, and the almost kiss, and the almost date, and the crawling in my window (I don't mention the werewolf or animigus part) and the dinner last night. She squeals and nods at the right moments, and at the end, I'm grinning like a fool just thinking of it.

"Lily, that is amazing, I'm beyond happy for you," she says.

"Are you going to tell me the full story? Between you and Sirius?" She nods, and sighs, wringing her hands together. "Alice, you know I won't judge you."

"I know," she murmurs, "But I'm still ashamed."

"It'll be better to get it off your chest," I comfort, and she sighs.

"You're right," she says. "It all started last December, the Christmas of sixth year. You were gone, with your parents, and I stayed there. So did the Marauders..."

_"Alice!" called a voice from behind her. She whipped her head around,staying in her sitting position on the fluffy couch, to see who was calling her. Standing there was a boy, no older then sixteen, with styled black hair and a million watt smile._

_"Hullo, Sirius, Happy Christmas Eve!" she greeted, smiling back at him. _

_"Haven't you checked the clocks?" he asked, pointing to one in the corner of the Gryffindor Common Room. "It's Christmas!"_

_"Oh!" she cried, jumping up, "Merry Christmas Sirius!" She walked over, and gave him a hug. _

_"You too! Want to know what I asked Santa for?" he asked her, and she tilted her head._

_"What?" _

_He leaned down, lips an inch away from hers, and whispered, "You." She blushed furiously, before pushing him away and laughing._

_"Sirius, your such a flirt," she laughed, not at all taken back about his words. He had been coming onto her since the beginning of sixth year now, putting his arm around her and flirting with her (when her boyfriend, Frank, wasn't around of course). _

_"I'm serious!" he said._

_"I know who you are," she joked, and he gave a chuckle._

_Shaking his head, he said, "That joke never gets old."_

_"Not for you, of course." He placed a hand on her hip and pulled her closer. "I have a boyfriend, you know."_

_He placed his lips on her ear, and whispered, "Where is your boyfriend right now?" Her breathing became unsteady as his fingers traced circles on her hip, which was slightly exposed. "And why aren't you with him."_

_"Well, he's at his parents house and his mom can be very controlling and he thought it wouldn't be wise-"_

_He interrupted her by a kiss, placing his warm lips on hers and cradling her face in his hands. It was wrong, she knew that, but she kissed him back anyway. Every touch in the last few months, every pick up line made her heart race and her skin tingle. She couldn't fight it any longer. After a moment, she shoved him off of her._

_"Sirius, I can't cheat of Frank, I love him, you know that! Your friends with him," she protested, but he just pointed up. _

_"Mistletoe," he said. And there it was, hanging lazily over their head. Alice sighed a sigh of relief, knowing there was a reason. She wasn't cheating, she was only following holiday tradition. That relief was washed away when Sirius whispered again in her ear, "Not that I didn't want to. I've been waiting months to do that." _

_Alice looked into his blue eyes, ones that matched hers perfectly, and couldn't help it. She grabbed his loosley hanging tie, and yanked it down, connecting their lips once more._

_The next morning, after one of the most amazing nights of her life, she wanted to throw up. She had just cheated on the love of her life with someone who made her feel equally as amazing. Maybe even more. Skin against skin, lips against lips, she went farther with Sirius then she had ever gone with Frank. _

_When Sirius woke up that morning, he found himself with an empty bed and a broken heart._

"So... you shagged?" I ask, making sure I got the story straight. Alice looks up at me, her eyes wide with alarm.

"No, no. We just... we came close to it though," she explains, her cheeks flushed. I nod, understanding.

"Has he been bothering you? Have you two done anything else?" She flushes again, and nods, but I'm not sure at which. Before I have time to clarify, she does it for me.

"Ever since that night, he's been trying to get me to break up with Frank, to get with him. He says it's not just a joke, that he really wants to be with me, but who could believe that? He's such a player, and I don't like it about him. He can say he cares about me a million time, but how do I really know when he's snogging every other girl in a broom closet?

"We kissed a few times after that, most by him bombarding me. And Lily, I know it sounds crazy, but it was amazing. With him, there's this... this thing that's not there when I'm with Frank. I used to think Frank was the one but I just don't know anymore. I can't stand to be around him anymore because the guilt is eating away at me." The look of pure heartbreak fills her face, and I can't help but pull her into my arms.

"It's going to be okay," I whisper, but she just cries harder.

"But it's not. No matter what I do, no one wins. Whoever I choose, the other will get hurt, and god knows I will feel horrible about the decision," she mutters through her tears.

"Alice," I say, "This isn't like you. The crying, all the emotions, being with Sirius and Frank." She nods into my shoulder, before pulling back.

"It's going to sound crazy, but I think it's the fright causing all of this. Lily, I don't think I love Frank, no more then a brother. He's amazing, but I think I've been mistaking the want to have a boyfriend for a long time. With Sirius, things are different, they are amazing. They are what love should be. That's what scares me the most." By the end, her voice is wavering a bit, but sounds more confident then before.

"Thatta girl!" I say. "Does this mean what I think your saying? Are you going to end things with Frank?"

She bites her lip, contemplating it for a second, before nodding. "It's only fair for both of them to know how I feel. I'll see Frank in a few weekends, when he gets off from his training. I'll do it then."

"I'm proud of you, Ally," I say, using my annoying pet name for her, which she scowls at. "You're doing the right thing."

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><p><strong>Author's note: Okay! Sorry, pretty short chapter but hey. You got SOMETHING from us. Be happy :) As Robin would always say...REVIEWS MAKE US WRITE MORE! And stuff. Thank you guys! We loooooooooove you all!<strong>


	13. Kisses

_****_**A/N: SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN SO LONG. Exams are a bitch. So just thought I'd address a couple of issues before we get started. THIS STORY IS AN CANON AS POSSIBLE. Obviously, Lily and James are supposed to get together in seventh year, and they are obviously together here, even if it is a secret. Everything else will be as canon as possible, so all you Frank/Alice shippers need to calm down! Um.. hm.. what else did I need to talk about... RIGHT! Okay, so I'm sorry for never replying to reviews but I'm super busy and it's hard for me to get around to it. If you have any questions, you can send them to me on my Tumblr, which is ofcatsandthings (. tumblr . com) I reply to ALL asks so if you have any questions about the story, or when the next chapter will be posted, you can send them there. And to be honest, we have no idea how long this is going to be, but it'll be pretty long. It's going to go through the end of their seventh year, so.. yeah. GO ENJOY AND SORRY IF YOU HAD TO READ THIS AWFULLY LONG AUTHORS NOTE!**

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><p>It is damn near impossible to keep my hands off of Lily during my Quidditch lessons. She's advancing nicely, now that she's over her fear of heights, and every time she does something well I want to lead her away and snog for a few hours, but unfortunately that's not exactly an option. That, and I'd get fired and Lily would get kicked out. And not only would both of us be embarrassed, but Lily would have less of a chance of being an Auror. I am not going to risk that for her.<p>

During lunch a few days after she came to my house for dinner, we sneak away from our friends so that I can "help her with her steering technique." Really, we end up creeping to the supply shed a little ways away and...enjoy each other's company.

My tongue is in the middle of exploring her mouth and her hands are currently running up and down my back when she pulls away suddenly and starts...talking. "James," she says, "Do you think maybe..."

"We're taking things too fast?" I finish for her, and she nods. "Well...do you want to go slower?" She shakes her head and we laugh.

After a short, clean kiss, she resumes in speaking to me. "I don't know...maybe we should just try and get to know each other better before this goes any farther..." I nod this time and release Lily from my arms, gesturing to a few over-turned buckets.

"Take a seat. We're going to play Twenty Questions."

"You know that game?"

"You expect me not to?" She chuckles and waits for me to ask my first question. I think for a minute, wondering where I should start. I realize there are many things I don't know about Lily and start simple. "What's your favorite color?" I enquire, causing her to laugh at my easy question.

"Green." Like her eyes. "Yours?"

"The color of your eyes." She rolls the very thing I just spoke of, and I continue my interrogation. "Favorite subject at Hogwarts?"

"Hmm...Charms."

"Eh. I prefer Defense."

"That's just because you're too busy goofing off for Flitwick to like you as much as he does me."

"Guilty as charged. Favorite children's story?"

"Alice in Wonderland."

"Never heard of it...is it a Muggle story?" She nods, giving a look as if she's saying _duh._ "I like Babbity Rabbity and the Cackling Stump."

"What the hell is a Babbity Rabbity and why does a stump cackle?"

"Maybe I'll share the story with you sometime. Erm...biggest fear?" I say, suppressing a laugh at my question. Lily glares at me, and I hold up my hands defensively. "Joking! But you don't know _my_ biggest fear."

"Well, what is it then?" I think the answer over in my head, wondering if I should say it aloud, if it's too soon... "James...?" Aw, to hell with taking things too quickly.

"Seeing you get hurt..." I say very quietly, but loud enough for her to hear. My eyes are looking at the spare broomsticks, my hands, the dirt on the ground...anywhere but Lily. But then I feel her gentle hand on my shoulder, her hair brushing my face, and her lips on mine. We kiss slowly, gently...just kissing.

Then the door of the storage shed bursts open with a thud.

Lily and I jump apart, scared silly by the sudden interruption. The silhouette of a small person is illuminated in the doorway, and an equally small voice says, "What is the meaning of this? Lily...with him?" Wait just a bloody minute.

"Oliver...?" Lily squeaks tentatively.

"Yes, it's me. How do you explain yourselves now, huh?" Oliver walks into the shed, arms crossed over his chest and looking very proud of himself. Lily stands, too, and starts addressing Oliver with as much patience as she can muster (which, judging by her strained facial expression, must not be a lot).

"Oliver," she starts. "I'm asking you not to tell anyone-especially the camp heads-about me and James. I'm _begging_ you. This is really important to the-"

"And what's in it for me?" he says defiantly. "I outta get something for not telling."

Lily hesitates. I'm about to pull out my wand and _Obliviate_ the kid out of here, but then she replies. "What...what is it you would want?" Oliver glances from Lily, to me, back to Lily, back to me, then finally rests on her face, eyes squinted.

"You're going to have to kiss me. On the lips. At least five seconds." Forget wands and magic, I'm about to _punch_ this kid out of here, but I see Lily sigh as if this wasn't half as bad as she was anticipating.

"Well...okay, Oliver. Do you want it now, or-"

"No. I want it right when class starts again after lunch. Which should be in about-" he checks his watch and grins, "-three minutes. See you then, _Lily_." And with that, he walks out of the storage shed, slamming the door behind him. Lily turns, her face perfectly calm, and sits down on the bucket she sat on before. But I can see the storm brewing under her composed facade.

"...Lily-" I start to say, but I'm interrupted.

"The Sorting Hat misjudged that kid," she interjects, not looking at me. "It put him in Hufflepuff. He most definitely should have been a Slytherin." Silence for a moment, then both of us start laughing. She leans in to me and I wrap my arms around her, taking in her intoxicating scent.

"I was terrified for a moment there, though," I say, now serious. "I was certain he would tell on us. And when he wanted to kiss you...I wanted to tell him you refuse, but you handled it much better than I would've."

"Yeah, well," she states nonchalantly. "I think that definitely applies to more situations than just his." I kiss her quickly then stand, pulling her up with me.

"Come, my dearest. If I am not mistaken there is a twelve-year-old boy out there waiting for that magical moment when your lips meet his." Lily pretends to gag and we laugh, hurrying out of the shed hand in hand before he have to stop again.

Normally, I'm definitely not the jealous type. When girls at school would flirt with other blokes in front of me, it did absolutely nothing to my ego. But with Lily...things have definitely always been different. Whether she would be kissing her boyfriend at the time or a twelve-year-old she had no feelings for, I would be irrationally and furiously jealous. Although recent events provide evidence that maybe Lily gets jealous over me, too. I never thought I would ever say those words.

Oliver struts up to the field as our class begins, sticking his chest out as far as it can go. Lily and I share a look and both of us are struggling not to laugh. I start to direct the class towards the edge of the field, near the goal posts, and say, "...And Lily and Oliver will stand at the other end, to...erm...play Keepers there."

"No, we won't!" Oliver exclaims, putting his hand on his hips. "If this is going to happen, it's going to happen for the whole class to see!" Damn. He knows what I was trying to do. The kids share confused looks, but I keep my eyes on Lily, who shrugs.

"Alright, Oliver," she says, bending down. I see her lips move, muttering something that looks like, "let's get this over with," but Oliver doesn't notice. The next thing I know, their lips are touching, and I want to scream with rage and punch that kid in the face. It's not fair how they can kiss-and Lily doesn't even like him-when we can't display the slightest amount of affection for each other.

The kids gasp, giggle, and squeal (one of them even falls over). As soon as five seconds are up, Lily pulls apart, fixing Oliver with a stern look. He, however, looks positively over the moon. I probably looked the same way soon after Lily kissed me for the first time.

That's what scares me the most. Oliver and I just have way too much in common.

Later that night, sitting high in a tree far behind my house, Lily whispers, "You know, I didn't enjoy kissing Oliver half as much as I enjoy kissing you..." Who can guess what we did next?

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><p><strong>AN: Sorry for this being short but exams are over and I have a four day weekend so YAY updates! PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL US WHAT YOU LIKE AND WHAT YOU DON'T LIKE! REVIEWS MAKE ME UPDATE QUICKER!**

**Remember you can ask me stuff about the story at my Tumblr ofcatsandthings and I'll definitely reply! **


	14. Flowers

**A/N: Hey everyone! So, only a few things to discuss today. Now, these past few chapters have been mainly centered around the Sirius/Alice/Frank love triangle, and this is probably the last one in a while which solely ****focuses on that. There's going to be some Jily drama coming up, which I know is what you all want, haha. Now, it's the other writer of this story, Maddy, 's Birthday today, and I want all of you to go down to the reviews and wish her a Happy Birthday! You know what would be a good present? A hundred reviews on this story. Please, we're only nine away, so if you have time, please _please _review.**

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><p>"I'm going to do it, tonight," says Alice, walking up to me just as soon as camp is over for the day. A few weeks have passed since I found out about the situation with Sirius, and I was doing everything I could to raise her up.<p>

"Break up with Frank?" I whisper, so no one else can hear. She nods, and I smile grows on my face. Frank is a wonerful person, but I'm glad she's setting things right.

"He's taking me out to dinner, I'm going to do it there," she explains.

"Goodluck!" I tell her, as she runs off, catching Sirius behind the arm, and dragging him out of my sight, behind the dining hall. The last thing I see of him is his bewildered, yet starstruck expression.

"Lily!" calls James from behind me, catching up by jogging lightly. I turn around, and smile at him.

"Hey," I say, as soon as he is beside me. There is nothing more I want to do more then to grab his hand, and mark him as mine, showing all the other leering girls that he's taken. It kills me that I can't show him that kind of minimal affection in public, that I have to keep him a secret.

"You have plans tonight?" he asks casually, as if we aren't dating. I shake my head no. "Wanna do something?" I look up at him, into his gorgeous hazel eyes, my eyes roaming to the unruly hair and strong jaw bone, and wish I could say yes, let's go get something to eat. Or see a movie or... wait a minute! No one we know would be at a movie.

"Hey James, I have an idea..."

"So, here we are..." he trails off, as we walk up my porch. James loved the movie, sitting on the edge of his seat the entire time, claiming how amazing he thought the moving pictures were.

"Thanks for the date," I say, "It was nice to have a real one, you know?" He nods, and leans down, pecking me on the lips. When he pulls away, I stick out my tongue. "Come 'ere."

I wrap my arms around his neck, playing with the hair on his neck, and slowly start to stand on my tiptoes. I lean in, as if I'm going for a big kiss, but peck him instead, before unlatching my arms from his neck. I start to sprint away, but he catches me around the waist.

"Not so fast." With that, he pushes me up against the front of the house, the space right next to the door, and starts kissing my furiously. Laughing against his lips, I push harder, practically moaning as his hands come dangerously close to my bum. His lips travel down my neck now, but he jumps off as we hear a wrapping on the door. A second later, Petunia is opening it up, and motioning for me to come inside.

"Bye James," I grumble, before giving him one quick peck, waving, and walking inside. I scowl at Petunia as I journey in, and go straight to my room. But not before I hear her call up the stairs.

"You know Lily, my offer still stands anytime you want it." I don't reply to this, just slam my door loudly to know what I think of her 'offer'. I don't need her meddling in my love life.

When I wake up the next morning, I see Alice's owl patiently waiting at my window. I slide it open and let he owl, Franny, into the room. She flies over to Donovan's water bowl, and takes a few sips. I walk over, and remove the letter from it's talon, open it up, and read.

_Dear Lily,_

_I'm coming over at ten. I have a big announcement._

_Love,_

_Alice_

When I look at the clock, I see it's three quarters past nine, and take that fifteen minutes to eat a quick bowl of cereal, brush my teeth and hair, and throw on some clothes other then pajama's. At exactly ten o'clock, I hear a knocking at my door. Alice is standing there when I open it, seeming lost and dazed. I guide her in and up to my room, exchanging a few greetings before sitting down on my bed.

"So, whats this about?" I ask her, motioning for her to sit down. She doesn't.

"I'm engaged," she says simply, her voice monotone and her eyes unmoving.

"You're joking?" I say, not believing what she says. It's a joke, it has to be. She shakes her head no. "To.. to Frank?" I ask, and she nods. She seems very robotic, and not very excited. With one glance at her hand, I see a sparkling ring, and know it must be true.

"I... Lily, he proposed! What was I supposed to say?" she asks, her voice now filling with life again. My blood pumps through my veins fast and furiously, as a livid feeling builds in my stomach.

"No! You were supposed to say no! You told me yourself you didn't love him!" I higher my voice and jumped off my bed.

Alice opened her mouth to say something, before closing it again. She did the same thing a few more times, trying to find the voice to speak

"I've been with him for almost three years now Lily, I can't break up with him as he proposes," she protests, her voice timid and guilt filled. She knew she was doing the wrong thing, and I knew it too.

"This isn't just about you lying to Frank, about you building a marriage on lies, but Sirius too. What about him, the guy whose head over heels in love with you? What about you saying you were in love too?" This hits her hard, her face turning back into the monotone expression.

She breaks out in tears, and it breaks my heart to see her always in this same fragile state. "I didn't know what to do. I'm scared, I'm scared of the Death Eaters and Voldemort and everything. Lily, Frank is my safe option. This isn't the time to go out on a limb. Please, Lily, I don't want to hurt anyone, but Frank is stable. Frank is there, always, unlike Sirius. I can never have a real relationship with him."

I nod, understanding what she is saying, but not being able to agree with it. Then it hit me. How will Sirius react?

"Have you told him yet?" I ask, and she shakes her head, knowing exactly who I'm talking about.

"Alice, that's what you need to do. Right now," I command.

Her body is racking, still standing in the same place she was when she came in, and she says, "But Lily, what do I say? He will be.. furious and heartbroken. If I go, if I go and talk to him... I won't be able to go through with it. I'll snap. I can't do it, I can't tell him in person, alone. As soon as I talk to him, I'll choose him. I can't do that."

"I don't know what to tell you," i say, not quite mad at her, or happy for her, simply disappointed, as I said I would never be. But this was one promise I had to break.

"Tell him, or I will. Alice, he's gotta find out."

She leaves, the room, only speaking to words to me before she goes. "I can't."

When I see Sirius at camp on Monday, he's anxiously looking around. I walk up and ask to speak to him privately.

As we walk over to an empty field, he asks, "Have you seen Alice?" He looks quite nervous, bu giddy at the same time. She wasn't going to do it, so I would. Once we arrive at the empty field, I tell him.

"Sirius, she's engaged." He looks at me for a minute, before quirking his head to the side.

"Who is?" he asks.

"Alice." His face falls, and he doesn't look to good.

"Lily, I've got to go." His legs move, but I can tell he is working on autopilot. I know I shouldn't, that I shouldn't give him any hope, but I can't stop myself.

"She loves you, you know. Alice does. She doesn't love Frank," I say, but his face doesn't brighten up.

"Well, she has a sure funny way of showing it." With that, he's gone.

An hour later, I find a bouquet of dead roses in the trash can, as well as Sirius in a broom closet with one of the other coaches around our age. When I walk in on them, he shrugs her off and starts to storm out, saying on his way, "Make sure not to mention this to Alice."

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><p><strong>AN: So.. yeah. I know some of you saw that coming, but I hope all you Alice/Frank shippers are happy. Um so just a reminder, PLEASE REVIEW AND GET THIS TO A HUNDRED REVIEWS FOR MADDY'S BIRTHDAY! IF YOU ALL GET THERE TODAY, I'LL POST A SECOND CHAPTER AFTER GLEE TONIGHT! Whattt? Two chapter in one day? Oh, Robin, you are just too nice to us! Well, well dear readers, you are welcome.**

**If you need to get in contact with me, just send me a quick message at my tumblr which is ofcatsandthings** **! Okay, thanks so much. PLEASE REVIEW! THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED. I WILL GIVE YOU ALL DONUTS AND MILKSHAKES WHEN WE GET TO 100 REVIEWS!**


	15. Star Lit Evening

**A/N: Oh why hello there! Very little to say today, so let's keep this note short. First off, let me thank you all FOR GETTING US TO 100 REVIEWS! I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH RIGHT NOW YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. THANK EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED AND WHO FAVORITED AND ALERTED THIS IT MEANS THE WORLD. You all gets cookies *grabs platter of delicious ginger snaps*Oh, and thank you everyone who wished Maddy a Happy Birthday, she freaked out when she saw the reviews ;) One last thing, and that would be me saying sorry. I know I told you all the last chapter would be the last of the Frank/Sirius/Alice thing but... this one is too. Now now, calm down, because we still have some gorgeous Lily/James fluffy stuff in this one so you have that ;) Okay now, go enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW AND MAKE ME THE HAPPIEST PERSON ON EARTH. I update more often when I see the review count has gone up, because I feel like people are actually reading and enjoying it, rather then posting for no one. So.. yeah. Wow, this wasn't really a shirt author's note... okay whatever. Go read.  
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><p>A few weeks later, I noticed Lily seemed very distant and distracted, and I wondered what I could do to change that. So as I dismiss the class for lunch, I choose Lily to help me put the balls back in the Quidditch chests. "Are you okay?" I ask her, trying not to look too concerned should anyone be watching.<p>

"What do you mean?" she says, also not making eye contact. But this time it seems like she does it because she doesn't want to face me instead of any onlookers.

"Lily." She hears the sharpness in my voice and looks up instantly. I see, in her eyes, what must be confusion, sadness, and that emotion that can only be described by wanting to help in some way-and not being able to. "What's bothering you?"

She sighs and suddenly sits down on the grass, looking dejected. I glance around-no one in sight-and sit next to her. "I wish I could tell you, James," she murmurs. At her soft, sad tone I reach out and brush her face with my hand, which she grasps and holds in the place I touched her. "But it's not my secret to tell."

I give her a solemn smile and nod. "I understand. But if you do ever need anyone to talk to-"

"You'll be the first person I go to," she interrupts, causing my smile grow. We stand and walk to the dining hall hand-in-hand until the very last moment we'll be able to.

Sirius is even worse off than Lily, and I don't have the very slightest idea why. He's supposed to be my best friend, but there's nothing I can do. All he does is lie on his bed, staring at the ceiling, occasionally letting out a very large sigh. That is exactly what happens as I complete some summer work for school, before throwing my quill down on my desk and sauntering over to his bed.

"Talk," I say, sitting on the edge of it. "Now." He looks at me for a moment: not a glare, not a confused glance, not a sad stare, just a blank look. Then he sits up in bed and does what I told him to.

"You know Alice Prewitt, right?"

"Duh."

"Yeah. See, the thing is...I'm kind of in love with her." I fall off the bed in surprise.

"Okay, wait, wait wait," I start, regaining my original composure. "You, are _in love_, with Alice Prewitt. A girl you have never expressed interest in before, has a boyfriend of like three years? The bookish, quiet, opposite-of-you Alice? I mean, frankly, she isn't even that gorgeous. I mean, don't get me wrong, she's pretty, but compare her to, say, Lily Evans..."

"This isn't about your personal taste in girls, Prongs. I..." Sirius sighs. "I'll tell you the full story." I nod, sitting back down, to encourage him to continue. "During the Christmas holidays last year, you three were off doing Merlin-knows-what...And Alice and I..." He breaks off, heaving yet another sigh. "I had liked her for a really long time. Then we actually kissed and stuff...and damn it, Prongs, she was one hell of a kisser. It's not like we shagged that night, but we almost did.

"If I thought it would get her out of my head, it didn't. It only made her stay in longer. And now...I really do love her. Like you love Evans." He pauses, and I'm not sure if he's done talking or what.

"So that's why you're so torn up?" I clarify. "Because you love her but she's with Frank and stuff?"

"But that's just the damn thing, Prongs!" Sirius yells, standing and pacing with a sudden anger. "She said that last night, when she saw him for the first time in weeks, she was going to break up with him. But guess what she did instead? She _accepted_ his _proposal_ to bloody _marry_ him! They're engaged!" Holy shit.

"I...I...dear Merlin," is all I'm able to say, and even that doesn't sum up what I'm thinking.

"It's one thing to be with her when they're dating. And he's never really there. But to be _married_ to him...even engaged...I can't do it, James. That's not my place to interfere."

He sits back down on the bed and buries his face in his hands. I pat him on the back and say quietly, "That's the right thing to do, mate. If you truly love her...that's the right thing to do. I'm sure he'll make her happy."

"But that's it," says Sirius, his voice sounding very strained and small. "We've talked before, about...us. And she says...Frank was always safety. A constant in her life. But there was never any passion. Well, I'll tell you right now, the passion between us would rival that between you and Evans. And doesn't she know that I could _be_ that constant? I love her enough to...to change. To be there for her. I don't know, I guess I'm not strong enough for her..."

When he says this, I think of what would happen if Lily told me she would be able to be with me, then ended up marrying some other guy she didn't love. I think I would jump off the roof of the walkway of Tower Bridge. The way Sirius is handling it is pretty strong to me.

"Padfoot, this is really hard for you, I know. But...prove that you really love her."

"How?" he croaks.

"Let her go. And I suppose that's very hypocritical coming from me, when Merlin knows I could never get over Lily-"

"Exactly Prongs. You tried to get over her. You never tried letting her go. And I'm glad you didn't. If you did...you would never have gotten what you have now. But now I know. Alice and I could never have what you and Lily have. We realized our feelings for each other too late. We were already marked as these people, with these people, and there's no going back." He swallows. "That's why you're right. I...I should and will let her go. Acknowledge what has been, push aside what is, and ignore what could. Doing anything else wouldn't be fair to either of us."

I am absolutely dumbfounded by this nugget of absolute wisdom. I didn't know Sirius had it in him.

"Someday," I mutter quietly. "Someday you'll find the right girl."

"Frankly, I already have," he replies, sounding just as hopeless as he has this whole conversation. "And I've lost her." I don't know how to reply to this, but luckily Sirius senses that. "Oh, who am I to bore you with my problems," he says, returning to his usual (if only a bit more sad-sounding) way of speaking. "I'll let you do your schoolwork in peace now." He stands and leaves, but turns back around as he reaches the door. "And she is very beautiful, Prongs, if you really bother to look."

"Sirius is really torn up about what happened between him and Alice," I tell Lily the next night. We're lying in the middle of the Quidditch field where we practice, having stayed after closing time so that we could practice her flying. We had finished with that about an hour or two ago and moved on to other, more...stimulating activities. But even those have reached a pause as we rest, enjoying each other's company and the view of the stars above.

"Well, Alice is too, you know," she replies, a little harshly. But any tones of bitterness are ameliorated by the way she traces circles with her thumb on the back of my hand. "She really does love him. But she knows that she can't be with him. It's like-"

"They realized their feelings for each other too late," I say, quoting Sirius. Lily doesn't speak for a moment, but I can almost here her thinking.

"Exactly like that." There are many questions I want to ask, but I don't give her any of them. Instead, I gaze at her profile: the slope upwards of her nose, the full shape of her lips, the bareness of her chin and neck.

"Last night, Sirius said something about us. About me, really. He said I tried to get over you, but I never tried letting you go, and that's a good thing, because if I had, we never would've had what we do now. He said that was the difference between us and him and Alice-I could never let you go, but he knows he has to let her go." I don't know if I was expecting a reply to this, but Lily doesn't give me anything. And I'm fine with that.

At a much later time, so long I don't even know how much time has passed, I hear her whisper, "I'll never let _you_ go, James Potter."

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><p><strong>AN: HEHE I hope you liked it and I would love to know what you think... hmm... do you guys want to know what the next chapter is on? Well, I'll tell you, and hopefully it will motivate you to review. It's full moon time! Plus, we have a certain pair of parentals walking in on our favorite couple. Anyone who reviews saying "I want more!" can get a few hundred word sneak peek!** **PLEASE REVIEW EVERYONE! THANK YOU AGAIN FOR GETTING US TO 100 REVIEWS!**


	16. Full Moon Messes

**A/N: Hallo lovelies :) Um so this website is stupid and it doesn't upload things right and messes up and so if updates are really random or don't come for a few days that's why. Also... I have nothing else to say. Isn't that rare... Well, thanks to ALL of our reviewers, I love you to bits, and PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE don't favorite the story without reviewing once to tell us what you think. One last thing would be if you have any questions, please direct them to me at tumblr at ofcatsandthings**(.)**tumblr**(.)**com. Okay... cool**, **enjoy.**

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><p>"You don't need to be nervous," James tells me, giving me a kiss on the forehead. We're in his room, sitting on his bed, snuggled up together. I bury my head deeper, trying to lose myself in him. Maybe then I won't <em>actually <em>lose him.

"You're running around with a werewolf as an unregistered animigus. Now James, what should I not be so nervous about?" He strokes my hair softly, and runs his other hand along my midriff that isn't covered by my shirt.

"Lily, we've done it a million times. Don't worry about me, okay?" I shake my head against his chest.

"I can't not worry about you James, I care about you too much." I can feel him smile into my hair, and I lift my head up to peck him.

"I care about you, too," he whispers, before burying his face into the crook of my neck. I lean my head on his.

To be honest, I think I may love James. Now I know, we haven't been together for very long, but I've been pining away, something even I didn't fully know, for at least a year. But I'm not ready to say it, by any means. James has implied that he loves me before, with the flirting back in fifth year and the letters that he wrote last full moon. I'm sure he can sense I'm still uncomfortable with it though.

"Please, please be careful," I whisper, and he nods.

"I will." I stand up, seeing as the clock is about to strike nine.

I mumble, "I should probably leave, so you can... you know... do your thing." He shakes his head though, still being able to tell my discomfort.

"Stay here tonight. My folks are out of town, but you'll still have the house elves to keep you company. You can even invited Alic... I mean someone over. Maybe Marlene or Mary?" I hear the mistake he made, mentioning Alice. We aren't currently on good terms, what with my spilling the beans to Sirius and the disagreement on her engagement. We aren't in a fight... just in something I can't explain. Something I'm unsure we can fix.

"I'll... I'll owl my house, and say I'm staying over at a friends." He nods, a wide smile appearing on his face.

"I've gotta go," he whispers, combing my hair back from my face. I nod, and pull him into a kiss. This one is full of passion, fear, and maybe even love. I tangle my fingers in her hair, and pull him closer. We are interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Come on, Prongsie," he says, a faux happiness in his voice.

"Bye," he says to me, before giving me a quick hug, and leaving the room. I sit up on his bed, clutching my knee until I hear the door slam, knowing James left. Though its early, I curl up on his bed, and try not to think about James or Sirius or Remus or Peter getting hurt. I don't think about Alice or Frank or anything of that sort. I lay there, and try to think of nothing. Turns out, it's pretty goddamn hard to think of nothing.

At nine thirty, I decide that sleep is the only thing that will take my mind off things. However, I find it's quite uncomfortable wearing jeans to bed. Getting up, I pad around the room and over to James's dresser. After rummaging around, I find a pair of Quidditch shorts and an old jersey. I slip both articles of clothes on. The shorts fall past my knees, and the jersey is much to big, but I don't care. It's more comfortable then what I had on before.

I doze in an out through the night, twisting and turning in James's sheets. At one point, I remember Kimmy handing my a glass of water and some crackers, and the leaving. I don't dream, and it feels strange because of that. Most would think I would have nightmares, about James getting hurt or dying, but no. Complete silence, silence that is screaming in my ears.

When the door creaks open, I jolt awake. There stands James, his face and arms scratched up.

"James?" I whisper. "Shit, are you okay?" He starts to walk over, and I notice a limp. I jump out of bed, grab my wand, and run over, helping him into the bathroom.

"Remus was a little-ow!" he calls as I push a little to hard on his arm. I mouth sorry. "He was a little rough tonight." The bathroom isn't too messy, a few pieces of dirty clothes on the floor and their toothpaste spilled a bit on the sink, but cleaner then I'd expected. He sits on the lid of the toilet, and I take out my wand, knowing a few healing spells.

"Wash cloth?" I ask, and he points to a small closet. After taking one from it, and wetting it with warm water, I slowly dab at the wound on his face. "Where are the deepest gashes?"

As he talks, I clean his arm wound. "There's one on my chest that isn't to bad, and pretty deep one on my calf. That's why I'm limping." I pull my and out now, muttering a few spells up my breath, and waving it near his face in a small swish. I see the skin slowly start to mend back together, until there is only a red slash on his cheekbone, rather then a horrible cut. I do the same on his arm.

I strip his shirt off, almost gasping as I see whats underneath. The first thing I notice is a bleeding wound, and realize that it must of stained his shirt. I throw it int the laundry bin. The second thing I notice is James's muscular chest. No, not overloaded with muscles or a six-pack, but nice, firm abs. I blink, telling myself not to think about it now, before slowly fixing that cut too, and moving to his leg. This one is deeper, and will need time to heal, but not unfix-able.

"Is Sirius hurt?" I ask once I'm finished, and James shakes his head.

"Not more then we usually are. He doesn't need to be fixed up." I nod contently, and help him up from his seat, leading him to his bed. Once he's in, I turn to go, thinking he probably wants his space. He grabs my wrist though, and pull me next to him in bed.

"You're wearing my clothes," he states, pulling my against his warm chest.

"Oh shit James, I'm sorry," I start, "I didn't think you would mind and-" His lips interrupt me, as he places them on mine. I kiss him back gently.

"That's aways okay," he says. "You look better in them anyway." I giggle, before laying my head on the pillow and curling up next to him. His hand is on my hip and his face next to mine, facing me.

"I was worried," I say quietly, "But I'm so glad your okay."

"Thanks for fixing me up," he murmurs, pulling me a bit closer and burying his face in my hair. "Your like this... like this light, that leads me home no matter what. I tried to be safe, for your sake, so I could come back to you. Obviously, though, I didn't do a very good job of it." The way he says it, it's so sincere, like he means every word. With James, there isn't any faking or bullshit, he says whats on his mind.

As I drift off to sleep that night, one sentence echoes in my head. _I'm in love with James Potter. _

The next morning, I wake up to a dog licking my face. _could _smirk!

"Sirius, what are you doing to Lily?" James calls from downstairs. Sirius shoves his head into my hand, begging to be pet. I laugh and give in.

"He's just being himself," I say back, as he licks my hand. I hear footsteps on the stairs.

"Well, he was supposed to come wake you up and tell you it was time for breakfast," he explains, now outside the doorway. Though I'm still tired, I get up and walk with James to the kitchen, with Sirius following and wagging his tail behind us.

"What time is it?" I ask groggily, rubbing the crust from my eyes. He takes me hand and pushes open the kitchen door, while saying, "About nine thirty." I nod, but my jaw drops when I see all the food on the table. It is stacked with bacon, eggs, sausage, waffles, pancakes, and more.

Seeing me expression, James says, "Kimmu didn't know what you liked, so she kind of made… everything. She likes any excuse to cook, since my mum usually does it." The smell wafts toward me, and I practically jump with anticipation.

Once Sirius has turned human again, we all dig in, and by the end of the morning meal, I stuffed.

"Thank you so much Kimmy," I tell her as she takes the dishes back to the sink, "It was delicious. Do you need any help with that?" I offer, pointing towards the dirty plates.

"Thank you very much, Miss Lily," she squeaks. "And no, Kimmy has gots it." I nod, as she piles her tiny little arms with plates, still feeling slightly bad I couldn't help. Even though she didn't want me to, I still helped bring the plates over and wash them. I didn't know where Sirius or James were, but I knew they were probably having some guy time they didn't want me to interrupt on.

Once the kitchen was clean and the dishes were done, Kimmy pops away, claiming about cleaning something, though I can't imagine what could possibly be dirty in the pristine house. Before I can turn around to go find James, I feel arms wrap around my waist.

"Hi," I say, leaning back into him, tilting my head back, and kissing the underside of his chin. He flips me around, so I'm facing him, and backs my into the counters, practically bending me back as he leans forward. Finally, he captures my lips, running his hands along my hip bones. Shivers run down my spine, and I stand on my tippy-toes just to get closer.

He sees my struggle, and wraps his arms around my waist tighter, before lifting me into the air and placing me sitting on the counter. I tangle my fingers in his raven hair, and gently trail my fingers down his back. At this, he gives a slight moan, and places his hands in my mane.

His tongue is tracing the insides of my mouth and his lips moving against mine. Even now, I feel light headed, entranced by his lips, his voice, his small _his small what?_. If I didn't know any better, I'd say I am under the Imperius Curse. I am so entranced by James, though, that I don't see a certain someone walk in. A certain someone who is not Kimmy or Sirius or Alice.

It's someone else. Someone much worse.

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><p><strong>AN: OHH CLIFFY... well not really because you guys knows who walks in from my last author's note. **

**PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL US WHAT YOU THINK! REVIEWS MAKE ME UPDATE FASTER! REVIEWS MAKE ME UPDATE TWICE IN ONE DAY! (Superbowl present maybe?)**


	17. Meet the Parents

**A/N: I... I don't have anything else to say other then I'm sorry. I feel like a horrible person for not updating. I don't deserve any of your love.**

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><p>I could very easily get used to waking up with Lily Evans next to me. As the sun streams in through the window, setting her hair aflame, she smiles in her sleep and curls into my chest. Our breathing matches perfectly. She looks so delicate, so fragile-but I know she's anything but. Underneath that good-girl shell, a strong, independent woman resides, only revealing herself to a lucky few. I can't believe <em>I'm<em> that lucky.

Making sure not to disturb her, I slip out of my bed and through the house to the kitchens, hoping to surprise her with some breakfast. Sirius is passed out on the couch in the living room, snoring loudly, and I make a mental note to also have Kimmy make him enough breakfast, too-as a mean of thanks for not awkwardly being there with me and Lily. Because awkward would not even _begin_ to describe that scenario.

We all eat more than our fair share, and Sirius departs after breakfast to visit Remus and Peter (and by that I mean gossip about Lily spending the night at my house). Lily and I manage to find a good use of our time, of course, and in the middle of yet another abso-bloody-lutely brilliant kiss, Mum walks into the room. Just walks in, noticing our snogging forms. And Lily in my clothes.

Awkwardly, it hadn't been the first time my mother had walked in on me snogging a girl, and that's not including the time Lily had been in my room a while ago after dinner. Still, it's never exactly fun to have your mum ruin the moment, especially since I was about three inches away from second base. But that hadn't been the worst moment ever interrupted.

I remember when I dated Amanda Hartridge, she was over during the Christmas holidays for an afternoon. Her shirt had been off, mine was close to that point, and we were kissing each other as if we were about to die. While Amanda was not a very good person to engage in conversation with, as she was boring and not very funny, she was an excellent kisser. Well, I was too, as we had both gotten quite a bit of action with other people before we started dating.

Anyway, in the very midst of our heated lip-lock, my mum walks right in without knocking, calling, or acknowledging the fact that she was just outside my door.

Neither of my parents knew that Amanda was over, so Mum was quite surprised. She did very well at concealing her emotions, though, and even invited Amanda to stay for dinner. She declined and left as soon as her shirt was back on.

Anyway, it isn't until I hear Mum's voice do I snap out of the moment, jumping apart from Lily when she says, "So I take it you had an okay night without us?" Lily and I probably look like a deer caught in headlights, glancing from each other back to my mum. The latter of which glances into the hall behind her and says, "Your father is in the yard, James, and I suggest you wish your friend farewell before he comes inside."

"Right," I say, understanding what she means instantly. "Erm...come on, Lily. I think your stuff's in my room." We awkwardly shuffle past her and quickly walk through the house, luckily not being intercepted by my father. While my mom usually does not feel so bothered by my romantic relationships, my dad tends to go bonkers whenever I have a female in his house without his prior knowledge. He doesn't even like it if I give him a warning beforehand.

When we get to my room, Lily shuts the door and turns to me, confused. "My dad doesn't like me having girls in the house. My mum doesn't really mind too much, but you should still probably go to your own house as soon as possible. Mum can only delay him for a short amount of time."

"Oh. Well, okay. I can just Apparate to my house from your room. Do you want your clothes back, or...?" She motions to the garments that she's wearing and I think for a moment: Lily Evans. In my clothes. Holy shit.

"You can just keep them or give them back later, I wouldn't mind either way. I think yours are..."

"Over here," she says softly, walking over to the pile of definitely-feminine clothing on my floor. She picks it up and turns back to me, a half-smile playing on her face. "I'll talk to you later?" Lily asks.

"Yes. Definitely," I answer quickly. I stride over to her position and quickly kiss her on the lips, grasping her hand in mine. "I'll talk to you later."

Then, with a sudden _pop_, Lily is gone.

Later that day, my dad is busy at work in his study. And when he's in his study, there is not disturbing him. Not unless you want to be hexed into next week. I go into the living room, where Mum is sitting idly, probably considering redecorating options. I hesitate talking to her, but I know I'm not going to have an option in the end.

"Hi, Mum," I say awkwardly. She turns to me and smiles.

"Hello, James. Care to sit?" I do. We sit in uncomfortable silence for a moment before she breaks it. "So I'm going to assume that you and Lily aren't just friends anymore, right?" I sigh and nod. "But what about the student-teacher rule at the camp?" Another sigh.

"We just...couldn't help it. It all just...happened."

"I think I understand." I expect her to say more after that, but I'm kind of thankful when she doesn't. Just as I'm about to stand and leave, her voice stops me. "In no way do I really approve of what you two are doing, but I'd be lying if I said I disapprove. I just want you to be careful. Don't screw anything up for either of you." I nod, grateful for her semi-approval.

"You didn't tell Dad, did you?" She chuckles once.

"No, I didn't."

"Aw, thank you, Mu-"

"Because I'm going to let you do that instead." Not the answer I was expecting. I don't even respond, just sit dumbfounded at what she said. "How about you invite her over for dinner tonight? Introduce her to me-and your father-as your girlfriend. And maybe once you get a chance, tell Dad that technically you are not allowed to be dating. I'm sure he'll feel a little better knowing. And it's not like he would tell on you or anything."

I still don't speak.

"James, honey?"

"But Mum, I can't-"

"James." That shuts me up. When my mum takes that kind of tone with me (or anybody, really)...I think enough has been said.

I don't mean to sound like a total bastard or anything, but I kind of hate my dad. I've never been his biggest fan and always wondered how someone as down-to-earth and loving as my mum ended up with him. He's a jerk, is what he is. He's never around to care for his wife and son. When Sirius moved in last summer, it took him three weeks to notice. He's the only one who treats Kimmy even the slightest bit poorly, although technically he treats her how a normal pureblood wizard would treat his house elf. But the Potter family isn't very normal.

That, and what really irks me is the fact that no matter what I do, nothing is ever good enough for him. Quidditch captain? I have to coach a summer camp, too. Top marks? Then why am I not a prefect? These sort of conversations take place quite often in our household.

But I still have to confront him, tell him Lily-my girlfriend I should not be in a relationship with-is coming to dinner tonight. Can't bloody wait.

For some ultimately bizarre reason, my dad actually agrees to let my girlfriend come over for dinner. I don't really tell him about the fact that she's my student, but I guess I could tell him later. And by I guess I could, I mean I would much rather.

Now I have to somehow convince Lily to come to dinner. And meet my parents. Kill me now.

I reason with myself that there is only one way to properly do this: I Apparate to Lily's house quickly and climb up on her roof to her window. I look in to see if she's there, and sure enough, she sits on the floor...playing a guitar. I had no idea she played any musical instrument at all, and I thought I knew her so well. But she still finds these ways to surprise me.

I get closer to the glass, trying not to be seen, and listen very quietly. The music she plays and the song she sings is just loud enough for me to make it out.

"_Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly,"_ she sings. I am mesmerized by her voice, even though I've never heard the song before. Must be a Muggle song. "_All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise. Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these sunken eyes and learn to see. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free._" When she finishes that line, I forget rationality or listening to her sing anymore and open the window with a flick of my wand, causing her to scream.

'You're really quite good, love," I say casually, even though she fixes me with a terrified yet deadly glare. Her breathing is heavy and her eyes wide, but she doesn't say anything. "You never told me you play guitar. Or sing."

"You scared the shit out of me. Can you please give me a warning before you randomly crawl into my window?" Lily interrupts, obviously avoiding my previous comment.

"Just like the warning you gave me about your musical talent," I counter with a smirk.

"Yeah, well...it's kind of a secret..." She looks at her guitar solemnly, running her fingers over the smooth wood and the tight strings.

"Well...you don't have to keep any secrets from me..." I say quietly. She smiles.

"I know I don't. It's just always been something I've kept inside of me. I'm not used to telling people…even people who mean what you to do me." When she says this, I smile to myself…but I can't resist asking…

"Did you ever tell Timothy Brennigan about…you know?" She rolls her eyes, a gesture that I have come to love even though I used to hate it.

"No. I didn't. And to be perfectly honest, I didn't plan on telling you either, until you spontaneously burst into my bedroom unannounced. The reason for which I still don't know," she says, inviting for me to explain myself.

"I was wondering if you wanted to…to come to dinner. At my house tonight. With my family. And you would come as my girlfriend." She doesn't respond for a moment, but I understand the unspoken message in her silence. Meeting each other's parents as girlfriend and boyfriend would be a big step for the both of us, and it would be just another risk factor in our illicit relationship.

"Okay," she finally murmurs. "About what time should I come to your house?"

"Seven o'clock, maybe?" She nods, and we both awkwardly stand in the same places for a moment before I turn to leave out the window.

"James," she calls behind me. Just as I turn, she is right beside me, placing a kiss upon my cheek and trailing her fingers down my arm, thus sending jolts of electricity where she touched me. "See you later."

"See you later, love."

Dinner itself is…well, just plain awkward really. My dad is surprised to find out that she's in the class I teach, and I can tell by his strained expression that he knows about the student-teacher relationship rule but kindly does not say anything. The conversation at the dinner table mostly revolves around school, Lily's hopes of becoming an Auror, and her life before Hogwarts.

"So, tell me Lily," my dad says. "What blood status are you?" Lily pauses, glancing at me, before slowly saying, "I'm a Muggle-born, sir."

My dad looks perplexed for a moment before slowly nodding. "Interesting." He doesn't say anything else for a while, but my mom kindly starts talking to Lily about the new house decorations. The way my dad said, "interesting" though...like it was and wasn't actually interesting. Like he didn't like the amount of interestingness it possessed. Like he didn't approve.

I might've mentioned this before, or maybe one could've inferred it, but I frankly don't give a shit about what my father does or does not approve of.

The rest of the meal is uneventful-conversation is polite yet dull, the food is delicious yet unimaginative, my parents are calm yet awkward. I feel like this basically describes my life as a whole, which is pretty damn disappointing.

Then after dinner, my mom shows Lily the photo of her and dad's wedding. I was obsessed with looking through it as a kid, being fascinated by a time when my parents were young and I wasn't in their life. When they were as in love as I'd like to think me and Lily are-sure, they still love each other, but I feel as if the chemistry has faded. Now they're just two people living their lives together, not questioning what has already been said and done.

Before I know it, I'm escorting Lily out to my front porch, from which she'll Apparate home.

"I had a lovely evening, James," she says, and I snort.

"I'm sure you're just saying that to be polite. But I appreciate you saying that all the same." She smiles-a small one, but I'm instantly happier just at the sight of it.

I reach out and touch her cheek, and her smile becomes wider. I lean in and touch my lips to hers, deepening the kiss as we continue to embrace. Merlin, I could just stay like that forever. Unfortunately, forever is shortened when my dad opens the front door, causing Lily and I to jump apart. My hand flies to my hair instinctively, but I remember how much that irks both my father and my girlfriend.

"Thank you for dinner, James, Mr. Potter," Lily says courteously. "I'll see you tomorrow, James." She smiles at me and Apparates away, leaving me in the midst of an extremely awkward situation.

"Come inside, James," Dad says, nodding to the interior of the house. "There's something I'd like to talk with you about."

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><p><strong>AN: I'm not even going to ask you to review because I feel so awful for not updating in two weeks. _Two Weeks._ I'm sorry, I really am. Life gets in the way though. **


	18. Rain

**A/N: Oh hullo, how are you all? A few things to say, as always. 1) Please don't completely kill me after this chapter. I realize some of you saw this coming but.. yeah. This was like the original idea for the story, the one I based it on so.. yeah. Okay this is making no sense, but after you read the chapter it will. 2) So, I'm thinking about making a playlist for the story for you all, any opinions on that? Would you like to hear it? Okay leave your response in the reviews please, along with your reaction. I'll love you forever 3  
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><p>Flying camp is almost over. It's strange, thinking that. The beginning of the summer, I was adamant against even touching a broom, or James Potter for that matter. I didn't suspect a thing of Alice, and we were the best of friends. I hadn't thought Sirius has feelings, and even then, ones that could get hurt so horribly. At the beginning of the summer, I didn't think I would ever fall in love, not so quickly or so hard or with him.<p>

Quidditch camp is coming to an end, with just two more classes. After that, it's two weeks of stress and shopping and preparations for school, before I get on that Hogwarts Express, and go home. There, I will face everyone, Marly and Mary, Snape and the Slytherins, and everyone else.

No one could have known that over the summer I would change so much. No one would know that I could now fly fast and furious through the air on a broom, hundreds of feet above the ground. They would scoff if I said that James and I had anything other then a hostile relationship. Now, I know of Sirius being more then this goofy, girl-loving guy, and I know of the Marauders bravery and willingness to help a friend, no matter what extent they have to go to. After the two months had summer had flown by, I was in love. I was desperately and inexplicably in love and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

It is the evening, just after practice, as I walk hand and hand up my front lawn with James. His hand is shaking in mine, and I guess it is for the same reason I'm nervous. Today is the day, the day I will finally build up the nerve and tell him how I really feel. I am going to do it, I am going to tell him that I love him.

Just last night, I talked to my parents, and asked if James could come over Friday night to meet them officially. Though my Dad had been stubborn, the plans were set, as long as it worked for James.

"So... I have something to tell you..." says James uneasily as we reach the front porch. Biting my lip, I nod.

"I do to, but I get to go first," I tease, squeezing his hand and leading him over to the porch swing, where I sit down, and pat the seat next to me. Still in the strange state, he awkwardly sits down, and nods his head.

"James, these past few months have been... they've been like out of a fairytale. Princes and princesses, and fate and fairytales have always been just myths to me before, but being with you makes me forget all of that. James, I never thought I'd say this," I say, pausing for effect, "but, I love you." His face morphs into an expression I never expected: panic.

At first, I can't hear him mumbling and stumbling over the words. "James, I can't hear you," I say, on the edge of tears. Oh mother of fucking God, did I really misjudge our relationship _this _badly?

"Lily," he says, now calmer then before, and his voice smooth and put together, "This... thing we have between us isn't going to work out." I feel as though I still misheard him and respond quickly.

"Do you mean about the coach/student thing? Because James, we can just put it off, pretend like we got together at school! James, this doesn't have to effect out relat-"

He cuts me off and says, "No, Lily, that isn't it. It was amazing being with you, it really was. But," he pauses, takes a deep breath, and continues, "It was just a summer fling." My hands are shaking, and I'm blinking back tears.

"But James, after all those years and-and meeting your parents," I stutter, grabbing his hands and forcing him to look into my eyes.

"I'm sorry," he says, his eyes flickering back and forth. This crushing feeling grows inside me as he walks away, not saying another word. At first, I'm just numb. Things are spinning, and I think it must be a dream. What else could it be?

The clouds gather thick and dark over the small little house, and rain starts pounding down. Instead of running inside though, I walk out from under my cover. Spreading my arms, and tilting my head back, I let the rain wash it all away. I let it wash away the heartbreak and memories and the numb feeling. I let it wash away him entirely.

And when it's over, and it's done, and I walk back inside, I feel different. Better then before, but still empty. Still very, very empty. I want to scream and run and pound on his door. I want to tell him the huge mistake he made, how he won't get another chance. But don't I know what a lie that is. After spending all these time enforcing the barriers of my walls, I let him in. I didn't take precaution like I knew I should, and I crumbled down.

When I get inside, I don't dry myself off. I lay in my bed, and I think. I think about my relationship with James, and the way we got to it. Through all the bumps and the potholes, we made it to this relationship that seemed... it seemed rather perfect. No fights, no yelling or mistakes. The summer had wiped away all the worries I had, and I now realize what happened.

All this time, he thought I was some amazing person. Someone who was smart and funny and entertaining, but once he had spent more time around me, he knew I was a fraud. The pain hit me again, harder then it did outside. The rain had taken it away, but only for a short while.

Thought speed through my head, turning every which way. One stood out from the rest though, _I'm in love with James Potter... and he doesn't love me back._

The next day, I wake up later then usual, and realize I overslept. I hop out of bed, throw on a minimum amount of makeup, brush my teeth, pull my hair up, change, and run out the door with only a breakfast bar.

When I get to class, I'm only five minutes late, but still walk up with embarrassment. Seeing James standing up there talking to them pulled at my heartstrings, making me want to curl up into a ball. But I put on a brave face, and stride up there with as much dignity as I can muster.

"Look, Lily's here!" cries Oliver, pointing to me. I flash him a fake smile, and wave.

One of the second years whose name I forgot calls, "Oh, she's late! James! You said if anyone was late they'd have to do three laps around the field!" I give the hyper little squirt a glare as James runs a hand through his hair, unsure of what to do. He doesn't meet my eye, and he twiddles his thumbs

"That's okay, since she was only five minutes late," he concludes, brushing the girl off. I huff and cross my arms.

"I don't need special treatment," I snap, before taking off for a jog around the field. It's safe to say this would be a very long day.

Lunch passes with similar awkwardness, Alice and I sitting at one table, still a bit mad at each other, and Sirius and James sitting at another. The next day passes similarly, and it hits me suddenly... it was over. All this work, all these days, it was over. I can fly. James isn't my coach anymore, just another classmate, just another annoyance.

In a daze, I Apparate home and walk into my house, the sun slowly setting and the sky turning a brilliant pink. It reminds me of the time when we sat in his backyard and just laid there, watching the sun until suddenly the stars were out.

At this memory, my heart tugs painfully in my chest, and tears prickle in my eyes. _I will not cry _I promise my self, shaking it away. Whenever I have a spare moment, he pops into my mind, and it kills me a little bit more. The fact that no one knew, other then those close to us. The fact that I was in love with him, that I fell like I said I never would, and he broke me.

When I walk in the house, I see my father, and he gives me a light hug and kisses my head. The bridge of his glasses lightly brushes my hair and I'm hit suddenly by a wave. Not a wave, more like a tsunami.

"_Hey, James," I ask, "Why are you glasses taped with Spello-tape?" He smiles down at me, as we walk hand in hand off the field after everyone has left. Even in the dusk, I can see a tinge rise to his cheeks, and I watch as he shrugs his broad shoulders._

"_I like it that way," he mumbles, and I giggle, before pulling out my wand._

"_Hand em over," I say, putting out my hand, "I'll fix them for you."_

_With a vicious shake of the head, he responds, "I like them like this. It makes me look tough." I can't help but burst out laughing as adjusts them on his face._

"_You are about as tough as a teddy bear," I chuckle, and he gives me a quizzical look. "It's a Muggle stuffed animal." He gives me this look, one he always gives when he's about to something spontaneous._

"_Come one Lily, admit it, I'm tough." He grabs me around the waist and starts tickling me, and I throw my head back and bellow out laughs. They aren't giggles or chuckles, but full out belly laughs._

_After a minute, I can't take it any longer, and squeal, "Okay, okay, you're tough!" He lets me go now, and I clutch my sides. He pushes his hair from my eyes, and leans down._

"_Good to know," he whispers, before capturing my lips, and I melt into him._

"Lily? Lily darling are you okay?" He asks, and I'm jerked out of my fantasy.

"Yeah.. yeah just tired," I reply, trying to cover up for my zone out. I still haven't had the heart to tell my parents about the breakup. It's strange but I just don't want to seem weak to them, I want them to see my strong and not broken.

He nods, "Well, why don't you go take a rest? Have you gotten your summer work done yet?" I shake my head, and I see his eyes flicker with disappointment. It's hard, trying to be perfect all the time. I do it for him, I want to make him proud.

"Why don't you do that tonight, since your sport camp is over. Then you can just relax for the last two weeks." Only two weeks until I go back to Hogwarts. Two weeks, and I have to see him _everyday_.

I turn to walk upstairs when I hear my mother's voice calling, "Oh Lily, dear, is that you? Is Lily home?" She sounds excited, and I see her come bustling in, apron on, and flour spilled all over it. Her white tipped fingers are clutching something, and she smiles as she hands a torn envelope. "I'm sorry I opened it... I couldn't help myself. Oh Lily, read it!"

Some of the flour that got stuck on the paper rubbed off on my hand as I pulled the letter out. As I did, something heavy fell out of the envelope with it, clinging onto the floor.

With a flash, my eyes scanned over the letter in a blur, a real smile growing on my face as I saw two words, standing out from the rest. _Head Girl. _I, Lily Evans, would be Head Girl!

"Lily, oh Lily, I'm so proud of you!" she gasped as she saw my face light up. She pulls me into a hug, but I'm still too shocked to hug her back. Why would Dumbledore pick _me?_ There were so many other eligible and better candidates. "You and James will be great!"

"Huh?" I say, tilting my head to the side as I hear his name, trying to ignore the painful tug at my chest as I hear his name.

"Didn't you read the bottom? He's going to be a Head with you!"

And in that second, I feel as if she is suddenly far away. Her voice is distant, her figure blurry, and all I can see is just dizziness. The next year starts being mapped out, and I can see it all. Us being heads together, awkwardly moving around each other and trying not to clash heads. Every time I see him, it feels like a stab in the chest, all over again, my heart breaking. Because this year, it won't be James chasing after me. No, he caught me, finished the chase, and now is bored. No, the roles will be reversed, with me being the one pining away for someone so unattainable.

"That's... that's great," I'm finally able to spit out, before grabbing the letter. "Well I-I better st-start working on my... my... my homework," I stutter, not really able to concentrate at the moment. Before she has the time to answer, I'm bolting up to my room, just like I've done so many times this week.

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><p><strong>AN: What did you think? I'm really nervous about this! Okay please review and let us know, it would mean a ton! THANKS SO MUCH TO EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED THIS STORY I LOVE YOU MORE THEN ANYTHING! If you have any questions or just wanna talk, you can contact me on my tumblr, ofcatsandthings , which will ofcourse have the tumblr(.)com at the end. Thanks so much all of you! ****I might update again tomorrow, idk, but yeah..**


	19. Muggles for a Day

**A/N: Oh hey, look, here's me updating two days in a row. I'm so awesome. You know what I deserve for being this nice to you? A nice little review! And you want to know why I updated this quick? BECAUSE OF ALL TH BEAUTIFUL REVIEWERS WHO REVIEWED LAST CHAPTER *HUGS YOU VERY VERY TIGHT* I love you all more then anything! Okay... go ahead and read and review and make my day.**

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><p>The pain is unbearable every time I see her. There is so much I want to say that day she walks up to the Quidditch pitch a little bit late. I want to drop everything, run to her, and kiss her long and hard so that she knows that I never wanted to have to end things with her. But of course, that wouldn't go very well.<p>

All Sirius and I are able to do is sit around and feel sorry for ourselves for having lost the people we need with us. And that can't be.

"Do you have any Firewhiskey?" he asks, both of us lying on our backs in the room we share. I sigh.

"Not unless you really want to break into my dad's private storage and get some."

He pauses. While he does a very good job of covering it up, Sirius has confided to me that he's actually quite terrified of my dad. "Never mind then," he says, making the wisest decision. "Actually...fuck him. Fuck what he did. I'll be right back." He stands and leaves the room, and I know that eventually my dad will find out and ground us or something stupid. And I don't care.

That night is spent with me and Sirius quietly attempting to drown our sorrows with alcohol, but all it seems to do is remind me of every heart-racing moment our lips would touch, or my hand would find its way to the curve of her waist, or I would just stare into her eyes and lose myself in their endless green. All of that was so far away now. And I missed it desperately.

At some point in the two weeks in between Quidditch camp and September first, Sirius and I get our school letters. And for some insanely bizarre reason, I have been made Head Boy. Head Boy. _Me._ I had never really been known for my maturity or sense of responsibility, but I guess Dumbledore thought I would be the best choice. I did have some experience from coaching the camp...but still. At the very bottom of my letter, there was a post-script saying that Lily is to be the Head Girl. Well, isn't that just splendid.

I can tell that I'm going to be in for a rough seventh year. Honestly, I did a pretty great job of trying to avoid Lily last year, but so much has changed since then. Back then, it was just strong infatuation. Now, it's head-over-heels-in-love.

Whenever I have a spare second or two, my mind can't help but wander to a certain redhead, and mostly about how I hurt her so much. Because when I took her heart and so cruelly tore it into a million pieces, I actually did the same thing to myself. And now here I am, nothing but an empty shell. She gave me purpose, happiness, a certain enjoyment in life. And without her...there's nothing.

I never thought I would say that: James Potter, guy who could have any girl he ever wanted, would feel incomplete without just one girl. But she wasn't just one girl. She was _the_ one girl. And that was what made all the difference.

"We should get girlfriends," Sirius says to me three days after the Quidditch last class, interrupting our hard-core session of...moping. Even the consideration of dating someone so soon after being with Lily just stumps me. Why would I _want_ another girl when I have experienced a girl that no one could possibly beat?

"You're sure?" I ask, not sounding convinced.

"No."

"Thought so.'

"Well, we should at least do _something_, Prongs. Instead of just lying around feeling sorry for our sorry arses."

I sit up, giving him a sarcastic look. "And what," I say, "would _you_ possibly suggest?"

Sirius thinks deeply for a moment, which at least somewhat amuses me. "Actually, I was hoping you'd have some idea. You usually do."

"Yeah, well, I also usually don't go through gut-wrenching heartbreak, but look at me now."

He sighs. "I know the feeling."

"_James," Lily whispers, interrupting our heated snogging session. _

"_What is it, love?" I ask while trailing a line of kisses across her neck to her ear. I had dragged her to the storage closet during lunch break-the same one we had been caught by Oliver in a few days ago. She didn't mind, however, as displayed by our current state._

"_I'm aware that this probably isn't the best moment for this conversation," she starts, and I can't help but think, _please not the sex talk, please not the sex talk, please not the sex talk. _I really don't want to venture into that with Lily, at least not right now. I mean, talk about awkward. "But it's been bugging me for a while now..."_

"_...Go on, Lily," I say softly, kissing the top of her head after I do so. _

"_Well, I was just wondering, maybe, like, do you have any idea, cause I don't, what you think is going to happen, or maybe not happen, or something, like, when we start school?" I breathe a sigh of relief, being grateful that I know the answer to this question. _

"_Well, I could tell you what I had in mind," I murmur before leaning in to kiss her once again. My tongue traces across her bottom lip and I can feel her smile under mine before she lightly pushes me away, chuckling slightly. Her smile causes me to break into one of my own, and we stand there goofily grinning at each other before she finally says, "Well, say it!"_

"_Oh, right," I stammer, running the hand that's not supporting Lily's back through my hair. "Well, once we get to school, I will no longer be your coach, and there will be absolutely no rules saying that we can't be together. So I'm going to take you on dates during Hogsmeade weekends and hold your hand in the corridors and even snog you in the broom cupboards if you let me. I will let everyone there, whether they be a professor or first year or ghost, that you're absolutely mine, and that I'm absolutely yours, and that no one can change that or stand in the way of it."_

_I barely get the last word out of my mouth before Lily starts kissing me again. About four minutes later, we come up for air and she whispers, "I think I like that answer."_

So do I, Lily. If only it could still be possible for the two of us.

The next day, Sirius and I go into London posing as two Muggles to try and enjoy the day away from the memories of ex-girlfriends and wizarding wars and all the shit going on in our lives. Basically, it is just a well-need vacation for the both of us.

My mother had requested for us to go to Diagon Alley and get some school supplies, but neither of us want to. Again, we're just there to be Muggles. We enter a small pub overflowing with them watching a football game on a...a...damn it, I learned about this in Muggle studies. It's a...a lelevision?

The annoying part about being wizards in the Muggle world is that the legal age for Muggles is eighteen instead of seventeen. Why, I have no idea. It's just some stupid law they have. I mean, seventeen is so much more reasonable. But anyway, we're also not technically able to drink alcohol until we're eighteen, but Sirius and I also choose this pub because the bartender is a rather attractive female with black hair and lots of tattoos. She has a pretty tough attitude, but Sirius and I flirt until it is more than enough to make her forget asking us for our identification.

We sit in the corner of the table, slowly sipping at our beers (which, by the way, taste much worse than their more buttery counterparts) in silence. Sirius snaps me out of space by saying, "What do you think of that girl over there-the one with blond hair?" he gestures to a bird standing by the entrance talking to a few friends. She's pretty, sure, but not stunning. Merlin, I need to stop comparing girls to Lily Evans all the time.

"She's not bad," I reply. "But her redhead friend is better." Sirius gives me a look, and I shrug.

"Hey," I tell him. "Alice is blond." At that he grumbles something incoherent and takes downs the rest of his drink in one chug. For the hell of it, I do the same, but I'm pretty sure it makes neither of us feel any better.

"Let's leave," Sirius says, and I immediately agree. I slap a twenty-pound note on the table, hoping if that will be enough for a couple average-sized drinks, and file out of the door, not giving the redhead or her blond hair a glance.

We walk around London a bit more, and I can't help notice how Sirius always tends to steer away from the direction of the river, and no where even near Westminster or Tower Bridge. I can tell he's trying to be subtle, but when he says stuff like, "Wait! I do _not_ feel like going anywhere near water today. Let's go check out the West End," it takes much of my effort not to roll my eyes.

We do indeed check out the West End, a tourist-filled area advertising musical plays everywhere. Muggles have such interesting ways of entertaining themselves. I wonder if Lily likes musicals.

No, you don't, James. You're done wondering and worrying and caring about her. You're mind is going to stop wandering to her in a spare moment. All that will end.

What a load of bullshit that is.

Since both Sirius and I are, admittedly, at least a little tipsy, we get a _plethora_ of odd looks from passersby watching us jump in the rain puddles and run around on the sidewalks. It's a good distraction, really. This day is a good distraction.

Chuckling, Sirius throws his right arm around my shoulders and I return the gesture. "Prongs, my brother," he says, slightly out of breath. His cheeks are pink and his hair falls in his face, but it still manages to look quite good. I've always been jealous of his attractively messy hair, hence my bad habit of messing up my own hair. Lily used to hate that.

Oh, fuck.

"Prongs," Sirius says again. "It's good to know that even when the loves of our lives get engaged to other guys, or when we had to break up with them due to bull-shitty parentals, that we'll still have each other. I'll have one hell of a mate my whole life."

"Gosh, Sirius, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were in love with me," I reply, giving him a grin. We laugh, knowing how untrue that is. I'm laughing so hard that I lean forward, supporting myself on my knees, and right as I do a red bolt of light shoots bye just where my head was.

Wait just a minute...that cannot be good.

"Padfoot!" I exclaim, shoving him out of the way of a green light. We pull out our wands and look around for any attacker, but there's no one in sight instead of a crowd of random Muggles.

"Prongs, we have to lead them away from the Muggles. Who could be attacking us?"

"Maybe some Slytherins from school who also happen to be wandering London in a slightly drunk state?" I say while casting a Shield Charm to defend us from another spell. I just can't tell where they're coming from, which greatly annoys me.

"Good point. Anyway, we need a back road or something...Ah, fuck, we're in the middle of the West End! There are no bloody back roads..." I interrupt Sirius by grabbing his arm.

"Ever tried Apparating before, mate?" I ask.

"Oh, right, there's that too." Both of us close our eyes and concentrate hard, but I don't feel the familiar tug-at-the-navel that comes with Apparating. Well, this just gets better and better. "They put a bloody Anti-Apparating Charm on the place. Fan-fucking-tastic," says Sirius.

"For us, yes. For you...not so much," says an unfamiliar voice. Sirius and I glance at each other and I let go of his arm, holding my wand out in front of me. About twenty feet in front of me, a hooded and masked figure dressed in all black stands there, not doing anything. But the sense I get from this guy...it's not a good one.

"We have no intention of hurting you, James Potter and Sirius Black. We simply want to take you along with us to a place, to meet a...friend of ours. I'm sure you'll find what he has to say quite interesting."

"Oh, yeah? Well, excuse me for having my doubts. What happens to be this 'friend's' name?" Sirius asks, maintaining a cool facade. While he speaks, I notice two other men like the first one walking toward us from the right and the left. Well, isn't this just spectacular. Every nerve in my body is sending messages to my brain saying, _Get out of there now._ If only it were that easy.

"Oh, I'm sure you've heard of him. He's quite famous, really. His name is so well-known in the wizarding world that most don't dare say it. Soon it will be that way outside just wizards, so that even lowly Muggles will tremble with fear at the slightest mention of it..." The scary man trailed off, his voice thick with anticipation. Sirius and I share a glance, now being more certain as to who this man is.

"Look, I get what you're saying," I start. "But we have no interest of joining you. Sorry to put a damper on things, but, erm...better luck next time...?" More men have joined the fray and we're outnumbered about three to one. There's no way we're going to be able to get out of this unscathed.

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure to say so, Potter," the man chuckles. "The Dark Lord has powers and connections you couldn't even dream of. Join his side, and you'll have anything and everything at your fingertips." Had this happened only a few months sooner, I might have actually considered this. But now the only thing I want is this one girl, and there is no way she'll ever take me back after what I've done.

"Look, we're not looking for a fight here-" Sirius begins, but he is cut off.

"Oh, neither are we," sneers the man, who I can safely say is definitely a Death Eater, along with the other black-robed wizards. "We have our ways of making you come...peacefully. You do so, Potter, Black, and no one gets hurt. Not you, not your friends, not your families, not anyone...else." The Death Eater turns his head towards me, and for a moment I swear he knows everything about me and Lily...but how? That's utterly impossible.

"See, here's the thing, I don't intend on coming with you or anything, but I'm most certainly not getting hurt," I drawl slowly, trying to inconspicuously poke Sirius in the leg with the tip of my wand. "So you can tell your boss that I'd rather-"

"SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA!" Sirius bellows, thankfully having picked up on my hint. His random outburst distracts the Death Eaters for us to Stun two of them for the both of us before beginning to duel with the other ones. 'Siberian Orchestra' is a plan developed by all four Marauders typically used when hexing Slytherins or getting into fights, but the same thing technically applied here.

"I don't know if we can take them!" I yell to him as we dodge, deflect, and shoot spells. "We need to get out of here!"

"Gee, thanks Prongs! Never would have guessed," he replies, ducking behind a telephone booth. "Do you happen to have any more brilliant ideas in that genius mind of yours?" I roll my eyes at his sarcasm, but then something does come to mind.

"What if we tried-" I'm cut off suddenly as I notice more spells flying past me towards the Death Eaters, and I think maybe more of them have come and are attacking us from behind. But as I turn around, I see a few friendly faces: Alastor Moody, Hestia Jones, some other strangers, and...oh fuck. Frank Longbottom heroically runs up with the rest of the Aurors and starts also firing spells. I turn to look at Sirius, whose face has adopted a look of pure loathing at the sight of Alice's fiancé.

"Don't just stand there, Potter, Black, get under some cover!" Moody growls at us. I've met him through my dad before, and thus am used to his rough way of handling things, so I do as he says without hesitation. Sirius takes a bit more effort, looking like he's about to hex Frank into next week, but I grab his wrist and drag him away.

"Don't do it, mate," I tell him, desperate to get his attention away from Frank. "She would kill you if you did anything to him."

"What about what he did to me, eh? What...what she did, too?" I freeze at what he says, caught off guard by his actual logic, but quickly regain my composure.

"It's still not worth it," I say quietly. Sirius pants heavily, chest moving up and down, and I can almost see his mind turning. Before he has a chance to say or do anything he might regret, I grab his wrist again and Apparate away to the safety of my front yard, where a soft rain is falling.

Sirius doesn't say anything, but instead turns and walks inside silently.

I follow him.

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><p><strong>AN: Now, I know you all are pissed they aren't back together, so go tell me that in the reviews. I'll probably be updating around Wednesday next time, but if we get a good number of reviews I'll update maybe Monday or Tuesday. WHO KNOWS! SO GO REVIEW JUST IN CASE! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and remember you can find my on tumblr at ofcatsandthings(.)tumblr(.)com  
><strong>


	20. Back To School

**A/N: So i know you guys want for them to just get back together and I know you want an explanation and you will get both but with time. You _weren't_ supposed to completely know why James broke up with her and when Lily gets an explanation, so will you! It's going to be a few more chapters before they even start really talking again, so please be patient. Thank you _so _much for all your reviews, I decided to surprise you all early with this update, I hope you like it. It's kinda unedited soo... yeah sorry for all the mistakes!**

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><p>When I arrive at the platform, I can't help but glance around nervously.<p>

"What if I see him before he sees me and I can't stop staring? What is he sees me before I see him and I'm not prepared? Or worse, what if we both look at each other at the same time and have to make eye contact? God Alice, I can't do this. I can't do it, I'm going home, no more magic for me. I think I'll just deal with my beast of a sister instead, maybe become a fast food worker, I don't know." I ramble on and on as we walk across the platform, my heart beating irregularly in my chest and my blinking being unnaturally too often.

Before I can go any further, she interrupts, saying, "Oi! Lily, calm down. Take a deep breath." I do what she says, yanking my luggage behind me as I'm doing so. "Now you are going to get on that train, and go into the prefects compartment. You are going to stand up there, and give the best bloody Head Girl speech ever, and blow them all away. And you are going to turn your back to James and make him wish his sorry arse had never been bonkers enough to break up with you. Do ya here me?"

Biting my lip, and contemplating for only a moment, I sigh and nod my head, accompanied with a confident, "Yeah!" We board the train, packing away our suitcases into a compartment in the back, that we reserved for the seventh year Gryffindor girls.

"Wow, this is really our last train ride here..." ponders Alice, and I cock my head at her.

"Yeah... yeah I guess you're right. Well, we'll just have to make the most of it," I say, and open the compartment door to make my way to the Heads Compartment. "Come on, Alice, the meeting is soon."

Shaking her head, she explains, "You're meeting starts at eleven in the heads compartment, when the train leaves. The prefects meeting starts at eleven fifteen." I widen my eyes at her as a lump forms in my throat and I can't help my feel the dizziness I felt before again.

"But you... you'll come with me early right?" I clarify, giving her my meanest, Lily-est look.

"Sorry, I can't. but I'll try to come early, claiming I though it was eleven ten," she plots, putting on her lying face.

Shrugging, knowing it's the best I will be able to get out of her, I reply, "Okay." I then set off by myself, my nerves building up with every footstep I take. Two weeks I haven't seen him, and I don't know my body's reaction when I finally see him. Though I try to pretend I am already over him, anyone with a brain can see I'm not. All those people who thought I hate him will be surprised when I can't even form coherent sentences around him, that bloody bastard.

So, the most probable thing to do in the situation would be to try to calm myself down, to think about good ways to handle it. But no, I'm Lily Evans which means I just _have _to think about all the horrible things that go wrong. By the time I'm sliding the Head's Compartment door open, I find that I have imagined at least five scenarios where I've either been eaten by snakes or had my head hexed off.

I sigh in relief, seeing as it is empty, and slide into the corner, pulling out a notebook and pen from my knapsack and doodling as I wait. It's actually only ten fifty five now, so I don't expect him to show up for another few minutes.

Dazing off, my hand and pen take a mind of their own, and when I'm snapped out of it by the sound of footsteps and an opening door, and when I glance down at my paper, am filled with nausea. Sitting there are stick figure versions of me and James, holding hands and smiling at each other. It's quite poorly drawn, seeing as I'm a quite awful artist, but never the less, you can tell it's us.

Shutting it quickly, and looking up to make sure he didn't see, I am greeted by his giant hazel eyes and half smile. Glasses are sitting crookedly as ever, and he's dressed in a pair of Muggle jeans, which I don't get to see often and the jersey that he bought when he was with me. Nostalgia fills me to the brim, but I shove it to the back of my mind, worried I will start crying in front of him. It's all so new for me, being so emotional, because usually I would be the last person in the world to cry over something so simple. It just goes to show how much people can be changed by others, for better or worse.

My face turns bright red as I realize I have just given him the 'once over' and quickly look down at my notebook, making my face look even brighter. He looks around nervously also, like he doesn't know what to do. James Potter being in an awkward situation- no scratch that, _being the cause _of an awkward situation would be funny, if it wasn't with me.

"Congratulations," he finally says after a few minutes of the silence, and I gulp, trying to swallow the butterflies.

"For what?" I reply, before wanting to smack myself over the head.

"Head Girl...?" he trails off, treating my like I'm some sort of idiot.

Turning my head to the side, I retort, "Right, whatever." He walks over, taking a seat only a few inches away, and I'm blasted by the smell of him. It's not that he is wearing an overwhelming amount of deodorant or cologne, but rather that I was so used to the smell before that it was familiar, that he smelled like home. I scoot away from him just an inch or two, trying to separate myself from the intoxicating scent.

"So should we plan something our or...?" He trails off again, and I sigh, wishing he would just finish a goddamn sentence.

"Look, I'll go over the prefect schedules, which I have already mapped out, and you go over the rules. It's simple, even you can't screw it up," I spit, yet feel bad when his face grows to a look of hurt. My mood changes though, once his expression hardens again.

"Are you really going to make this that difficult, Lily? Are we going to pretend nothing has happened between us? Is it going back to us hating each other?" The cold, hard words cut me like knives, and I can't even believe what he was saying.

"_In case you don't remember, James, you are the one who broke up with me. Don't put this on me, it is all you. What do you expect me to do, when I find out you are Head Boy? Jump for joy? Throw you a fucking party? Or did you expect us to become friends or something? I may be a bitch sometimes, but that doesn't mean I don't have a heart. One which is, by the way, breaking all over again now that I see you. So am I going to pretend like nothing happened, and that I'm not hurt, and that I hate you, because it's easier then pining away for you, for being hurt again and again."_

And I want to say that, I want to say all of it, but it's just to goddamn hard. Biting the inside of my cheek, my hands wring themselves as I figure out what to say.

In the end, I shake my head, saying, "I don't know what you're talking about."

He opens his mouth, ready to say something else, when luckily, Alice walks in. She glances at her watch, smilingly sweetly and saying, "Oh hey Lily, I'm not early am I?"

"Well," I respond, grinning back at her, "The meeting doesn't start for another five minutes, but you can hang out here."

By the time the meeting is over, I'm so relieved it's not even funny. If I had to sit for even one more minute in the most horrible situation of my life, I think I would have just Avada Kadavra-ed myself right there. Once Alice and I arrive back at our compartment, we greet Mary and Marlene with big smiles and hugs.

"Marly! Mary!" I cry, astonished I hadn't even seen them once over the summer. I had corresponded a bit, but not too thoroughly. Enveloping them both, along with Alice, into a four-way hug, we totter to the side, before all falling back onto the benches, me sitting by Mary and across from Alice.

"So, girls, how was Quidditch camp?" asks Mary excitedly. The thought of it makes me sick, but I swallow the bile building in my throat, and force a shaky grin.

"It was great," I say truthfully, because most of it really was. "I learned how to fly."

Clasping her hand over her mouth, Marlene bounces in her seat, giddily replying, "Oh Lily, that's wonderful." For the trip, we discuss our summers, going around and describing what had happened. Alice and I made a silent pact between the two of us to keep our relationships with the Marauders secret, simply stating they coached their too, but nothing more.

Finally, just as the train was pulling to a halt, Alice reached into her pocket, closing her eyes and taking a gulp, before pulling out the shiny ring. Widening my eyes at her, I try to warn her not to do it. She just shakes her head, and slides it onto her ring finger.

"Aliceeee," sing-songs Mary, "What is _that?"_

"Is that what I think it is?"

Nodding her head, she squeals, "I'm engaged!" I have to cover my ears because of the high pitched screams that come from my two dormmates. From there on out, all the way from the train to the feast and to our dorms is hand clapping and wedding plans. I can't help but notice though, how insincere Alice seems, like she's faking the whole thing. Most people wouldn't notice, but I see the ways her eyes shift to the floor, and the nervous wringing of her hands.

Everything that happened over the summer is starting to become a distant memory, and it's already the first day back. But I can't forget one thing, and that is the heartbroken look on Sirius's face when I told him the news. She broke his heart, just as James broke mine. And who could forget something like that?

Being back at Hogwarts is indescribable. It's more bittersweet then anything really. Part of it feels like home, like I'm back where I really belong. Seeing everyone again is just amazing, but also knowing it's the very last year, that after this, we are all venturing into the real world, terrifies me.

The feast is nothing special, and I sit as far away from the Marauders as possible. It' not too hard, seeing as James and Sirius are avoiding us too. Part way through, I make eye contact with Remus, and give a small wave. He smiles, and waves back. James's head snaps up at Remus, and follows his eyes to me, before he looks down again. A blush hotter than the sun races to my face, and I look away.

Finally, it's over, and I'm ready to collapse into bed, but then I remember what I have after the feast. In my Head's letter, it discussed a meeting after dinner in the headmaster's office. Sighing heavily, I explain to the girls what i have to do, and make my way to his office.

When I approach the door, I see James is already waiting outside, actually talking to Professor Dumbledore.

"Good-evening, Lily," greets Dumbledore, flashing me a smile as his eyes light up under his half-moon shaped lenses.

"Good-evening, Professor, how was your holiday?" I ask, genuinely wondering what he does over break.

"Quite fascinating, actually," he explains, before ushering us along down the hall.

"If I may ask, Professor, where are we going?" wonders James as we tag along beside his quick pace.

He chuckles, before replying, "Always very curious, aren't you James? You have a knack for mischief, correct?" With a grin, James nods happily, and I can't help but scowl at him. Here I have worked so hard for Head Girl spot, with top grades and behavior, and he just sweeps in and grabs the other place, with no work to be done. "Well, Mr. Potter, why don't you take a guess."

James ponders for a moment, before saying, "We're going to the Head's office."

"Very good," he compliments, "Why don't you lead the way?"

A strange sense of jealousy boils up in me as I see the friendly relationship they have. With adults, I always try to keep it straight forward and mature, while James openly admitted to breaking the rules.

"What is the Head's office?" I question the headmaster.

"It's a room for the Head's-more specifically Mr. Potter and yourself-to not only work on Head's work, like prefect scheduling and Hogsmeade trips, but also to relax and take off the stress of the day," he explains. I nod in understanding.

"Here we are," says James, as we reach a wooden door, a round door nob with a keyhole set on it. Professor Dumblefore reaches into his robes, searching for something. He let's out a triumphant grunt as he pulls out two small, brass keys, handing one to me and the other to James.

"Go on," Professor Dumbledore nudges, wanting me to unlock it. I slide the key in, fitting it to the right place, turning, and popping the lock. It's strange, really, using a Muggle method for unlocking the door, when most people could just use Alohamora. Honestly, I don't understand the point.

James sees my confusion, and pipes up, "The door is spell proof and the only way to get through are the keys."

I send daggers at him with my eyes, accompanying it with the biting remark, "Thanks Potter." We walk in the room, and I immediately fall in love with it. It's small, not much bigger then my bedroom at home, but it's cozy. It has a bookshelf pushed against one wall, with all the seventh years books stacked on it's shelves. In the far corner are two reclining chairs, with a table toward the side. Along the wall opposite to the bookshelf is a long, red sofa, with gold pillows, and I few armchairs off the the sides. Finally, there are too grand desks, which look to be stocked to the brim with supplies, such as parchment and quills.

"Please, please, come in and make yourselves at home, I only have a few things to say before you can both go back to your common rooms," Professor Dumbledore says. I meander around for a moment, before taking a seat on the edge of the couch. James takes a seat on the other side of it, as far away from me as possible. My heart breaks, just a bit more, before I shove it away, trying to remind myself I don't have feelings for him anymore. I'm back to _hating _him now.

It doesn't help though, that just the sight of him before made my heart pound and my cheeks flush. It doesn't help that right now, I get butterflies in my stomach from just being on the same piece of furniture as him. My head throbs from the confusion stampeding in my brain right now, and I take a moment to rub my temples at Dumbledore pulls out a chair to sit out in front of us.

Ten minutes passes as Dumbledore explains us our duties, telling us about the rounds we must make them every other night and the trips we must plan. Once he finished, he claps his hands together.

"Well, that seems to be it. Please remember that I picked you two for a reason and don't let anyone tell you that you are less worthy of the position." At that, I blush a but, now feeling embarrassed and guilty about my thoughts earlier about James being a Head.

"If that's all..." I trail off, giving him a questioning glance.

"Yes, yes," he replies, "Have a goodnight you two. Oh, and welcome back to Hogwarts."

The journey back to the Gryffindor tower is awkward, the silence hanging heavy in the air. Everything I knew about acting around him before has disappeared, leaving me completely devoid of my social skills with him. Once we reach the portrait hole to the Common Room, he stops me.

"Uh... Lily?" He asks, and I give him a sharp nod, telling him I'm listening. "Uh..."

And as he trails off, an idea grows in my head. It's crazy and insane, but I think what would happen if he apologized. If he apologized and explained what happened and said he loved me back. What if he said it was all some misunderstanding, something he didn't want to do. I'm filled with this thought of everything that I want it to be, and my hopes get the best of me.

"Nevermind," he finally says dejectedly.

"No, what?" I stop him, grabbing his arm. His warm skin on my calloused palms burns so hot I feel like it left a mark. Zaps shoot through me and a lump forms in my throat.

"Just... I'm sorry. For the way things happened, how they turned out." I look at him, prompting for more, when I realize that's it. That's all he has to say.

"I don't want to hear your bullshit," I spit, my temper growing, "I fell for enough of that this summer." With that, I snap out the password and storm through the portrait hole, and up to my dorm.

It's safe to say I didn't get much sleep that night.

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><p><strong>AN: REVIEWS MAKE LILY AND JAMES GET BACK TOGETHER QUICKER AND MAKES ME UPDATE FASTER! Be expecting the next update sometime this weekend (so Friday-Sunday). Again, updates will come faster and sooner when there are more reviews, because it motivates us! Thank you to every single review though, I love you _all!_**


	21. Regrets and Memories

**AN: HEY it's Maddy! Sorry for the UBER long wait for this chapter! I had major writer's block while writing this, so that has to do with the fact that this is pretty short. But it's better than nothing. And I think I may add the next chapter right after this one. Cause I lurve you guys. Anyway, a few things I'd like to share: 1. I wrote and posted a new Jily oneshot called Worth It, and I would LOVE it if you guys checked that one out and reviewed it too. 2. On the subject of oneshots, I will tell you that Robin is working on this long Jily oneshot as well. It's not finished, but so far...oh man. SO GOOD. 3. It's really funny reading your reviews, but I do want to address that the reasons James broke up with Lily will be revealed soon. How soon, I don't know. We'll just let you sit in agony for a little while longer. :D Okay, now I'll let you read. REVIEW!**

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><p>The first day of classes are...okay, I suppose. We have a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, like we have every year since I got here, who seems a little clueless to be honest. He talks a lot about mastering the theory of DADA before moving onto the actual practice of it. When he said this, Sirius and I shared a look along the lines of, What bullshit, before going back to listening. The Marauders actually paying attention in class is something that actually happens kind of rarely, but none of us really have the energy to goof off.<p>

What has become of us recently?

But the worst part of my day is easily when Lily and I have to patrol together, walking through the hallways in an unbearable silence.

"So...what do you think of the new Defense teacher?" I ask her just as we start, trying to analyze her facial expression, which, I'm not going to lie, looks like she's in actual pain just walking next to me. I fucking hate it.

She sighs heavily, which also sends a stab of pain through my gut. "He seems alright, I guess. Better than Professor Armadill in second year, but also seems a little like he's too Ministry-friendly. I wonder why Dumbledore chose him for the job." As she talks, her voice is strained but polite, and I can see she's making an effort to have the conversation with me. After spending almost my whole summer with her, I've picked up on her small habits and quirks. The little things I still can't help but love about her.

"Maybe he didn't. Maybe someone else chose the guy for him, like they're interfering at Hogwarts..." I trail off.

"Like they purposely chose someone who wouldn't make everyone worried about what's going on outside of school," Lily says quietly, mimicking my exact thoughts. I turn to look at her and see her already gazing at me. The hazel eyes lock with the green and I quietly whisper, "My thoughts exactly." Even in the dark, I see a small blush creep up her face and she looks away quickly. I hold back a sigh as we start walking again.

"So, um...you're Quidditch captain again?" she asks awkwardly. Normally when someone would bring this up I'd get really excited, wanting to talk about it for ages and brag about my natural Quidditch skill. But this is Lily, and lately Quidditch hasn't made me as happy as it normally does. Not after I've had a taste of what makes the most happy.

"Yeah, I am. And Sirius and Alice are probably going to be on the team, also, but don't tell anyone I said that. I'm not allowed to play favorites." We both share a small grin before she replies.

"I understand. How's...how is Sirius? Is he okay?" she asks, looking at me with sincere concern in her expression. I shrug.

"He's alright, I guess. Still pretty upset about everything, but I think he'll move on eventually. It's just hard for him now, seeing her everyday and whatnot. Like a constant reminder that he can't have her and all..." I trail off, thinking to myself: am I talking about Sirius here, or just myself?

Lily freezes in her place and stares daggers at me. "Are you fucking kidding me, James Potter? 'A constant reminder that he can't have her?' Is this some sort of joke, some sort of...way you want to...to rub it in my face or something?" she exclaims loudly. I'm extremely taken aback by her statement, but I can't say it really surprises me. I want to cut in and say something, but I can tell she's not finished. So I do what I never do and stay quiet until I know she's finished. "I don't know if you really remember, but I told you that I loved you the night you bleeding broke up with me. That's not something a girl gets over quickly! I just...ugh, I can't believe you!

"Here's a bit of advice for you: next time you choose to go after a girl, make sure it's one that-"

"I'm sorry," I interrupt quietly. She stops ranting and looks me square in the eye, her chest heaving up and down as if she just ran a long distance.

"After everything you put me through," she murmurs. "After everything that I felt, and that I thought you felt...you're sorry?" I nod, sighing as I did so. Lily glares at me for a few seconds, but it looks more like she's trying to make up her mind. "Well, I regret to inform you that sorry just doesn't cut it." And with that, she turns on her heal and walks the rest of the way back to Gryffindor Tower. I have no choice but to follow her, hoping she doesn't turn around to see how much pain I'm really in.

"PRONGS! WAKE UP, PRONGS! THE SUN IS SHINING, THE BIRDS ARE SINGING-" I throw my pillow at Sirius as hard as I can in the hopes of shutting him up, and thankfully his yells are muffled for a moment before he chucks the pillow back, just as hard. "Uh oh, boys. Someone's in a sour mood this morning!" he sings, only irking me even more.

"Shut up, Padfoot," I grumble. "I don't understand how you can be so damn cheerful at...what time is it, anyway?"

"Too early," Peter groans, flipping over in his bed onto his stomach.

"Eight-oh-three, to be exact," states Remus, heaving himself out of his bed with a stretch. "Breakfast started half an hour ago."

"Precisely why we need to get up!" Sirius exclaims. "If we don't hurry, all the crispy bacon will be gone and I'll be forced to eat the disgusting chewy kind. And you know how much I don't like chewy bacon." Unfortunately, he is right. Sirius always starts his day with about ten pieces of crispy bacon, never chewy. One time in fourth year we overslept and got to breakfast fifteen minutes before it ended. Sirius was forced to stick with chewy bacon and was in an extremely grumpy mood for the rest of the day. And that is not something I particularly want to relive.

I sigh. "Fine, I'm getting up." I throw my feet over the side of the bed to the cold floor, standing as I do so. "But I call first dibs on the shower." My three roommates immediately start arguing with me, but before they can do anything I sprint to the bathroom, filled with a sudden need to take a shower before the rest of them.

As I stand under the hot, relaxing water just minutes later, a random image crowds my brain for a moment: Lily, lying on her back on my bed, red hair streaming behind her, laughing at something I said or did. It's gone as soon as it came, but the effects of it take a while longer to wear off. I freeze in the act of shampooing my hair and take a shaky breath, telling myself It's in the past It's in the past It's in the past. And I'm right. That particular memory is in the past. Only problem is, my feelings aren't. There the exact same as they were.

We finally make our way down to breakfast half an hour later, and Sirius thankfully gets his ten pieces of crispy bacon (along with much other food). But when we walk in, my eyes immediately go to where Lily sits with her roommates laughing happily. She doesn't need you to be happy, I think to myself, fighting the urge to stroll up to her and beg forgiveness. She's better off without you.

She leaves with Alice soon after we sit down, and my eyes follow her out of the Great Hall-but I can't help notice that Sirius's eyes travel in the same direction, most definitely watching Alice with the same longing that I watch Lily. Nice to know I'm not alone in my misery.

Suddenly, I hear footsteps behind me and a coy voice say, "James Potter. Back at Hogwarts and just as good-looking as ever." I turn around and see none other than the blond, bold, and beautiful Amanda Hartridge. My ex-girlfriend.

"Isn't the Ravenclaw table over there, Hartridge?" Sirius asks, pointing to the table at the other end of the Great Hall. "And shouldn't you be sitting at it and...not here?"

Sirius, Remus, and Peter never really liked Amanda, each for their own reasons. For example, Sirius: "Sure, she's hot, but...that's about it." Or Remus: "I've never met anyone as superficial, shallow, and unoriginal as her." And Peter: "Everyone knows she's slept with half the guys at this school. And she's kind of intimidating in a weird way."

As for me, well...I thought I liked her. Maybe I even did. But any feelings I had for her were nothing compared to those I've felt for a certain redhead Gryffindor seventh year.

Amanda laughs loudly at Sirius's comment-a loud, obnoxious, and empty laugh. "Oh Sirius, you're funny!" she exclaims, twirling her hair around her finger. "I just came over here to say hi to James. And to tell him that I missed him over the summer." She trails her fingers across my shoulder and leans in close, her breath tickling my ear. "And I would love to get to...catch up, sometime."

She grins flirtatiously at me and turns away, swaying her hips noticeably as she saunters to her own house table.

"I liked Evans better," Sirius says to Remus, not bothering with the fact that I can hear him fine. "At least she knew how to give a great comeback." I liked Evans better, too, but not just for that reason.

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><p><strong>AN: REVIEW! WE LOVE YOU! IT WILL GET BETTER BETWEEN THE LOVELY COUPLE...well, not next chapter. But soon. Come on, we all know that they end up together eventually. And if you want them together sooner than eventually? Submit a review and we might take your wishes into consideration. Farewell, lovely readers.<strong>


	22. The First Match

**A/N: Hey babes, sorry, I was gonna upload this last night but my mom decided to come downstairs and catch me on the computer at like 1 o'clock when I should have been sleeping so.. haha. Um.. yeah, this is the next chapter. It's torture, I know, I know. Lily and James are... they are both very stubborn. But, never fear, Jily _is _endgame. **

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><p>After the awkwardness that was patrol the night before, I decide that is it. I'm <em>done<em>. No more of the fighting and the awkwardness or any of it. I was going to get over him, once and for all, by simply ignoring him.

So, the next day in one of our classes, I find myself staring at the back of his head, daydreaming about us being a happy couple again, and I stop myself. If I'm going to do this, I've got to do it properly. That means no staring at the back of his head, no daydreaming, no talking to him, unless it is for Head business. And that's exactly what I do.

When I see him in the corridors, I avoid eye contact. When he comes into the Head's room, I make a quick excuse to leave. We walk in silence during rounds, me deflecting any sort of conversation he tries to make. And, surprisingly, it works. For a few weeks there, I feel like I might actually be getting over him. That is, if you don't count the butterflies in my stomach during rounds or his invading form into my dreams at night.

It all comes crashing down after once October hits and with that comes Quidditch. It's a chilly Saturday morning and I see people gathering in the Great Halls, great scarves wrapped around their necks and banners in their hands. Great, there's a match today. As I approach the table, I see Alice jittering nervously, her Quidditch robes adorning her body.

"Who are you playing today?" I ask once I sit down next to her. She is pickign at the food on her plate, yet not actually eating any.

"Hufflepuff. They shouldn't be too hard to beat, but it's still the first game," she replies, running her fingers through her shoulder length hair.

"I'm sure you'll do fine. I can't wait to hear about it," I gush, though knots tie in my stomach as I think about James out there on his broom, the wind rushing through his hair, focused on winning. I wipe my mind of him, trying to concentrate on here and now, rather then a daydream.

"Well, you won't have to hear about it, silly, you can just come and see now that you're not afraid anymore!" Suddenly, the small amount of breakfast I have eaten sits in my stomach funny and I don't feel too good.

"Just... Alice, I'm sorry, I can't.. James and everything... I mean- he's captain..." I try to explain, stumbling over my words and blushing at the thought of him. Damn you, James Potter, for making me into such a bumbling idiot.

"Lily, please," she pleads, laying her hand on top of mine. "I know it's hard for you to be there... but I really would like some support from my best friend. I have to go through seeing Sirius at every practice... please do this for me." She doesn't say it in a rude way, but I can see in her eyes how much she wants me to come.

"Of course," I finally say after a minute of debating with myself, "Of course I'll come."

"Thank you!" Alice cries, jumping up to hug me. After a moment, I pull away and smile at her, before continuing breakfast, the butterflies in my stomach raging now.

To make matters worse, I then hear a farmiliar voice behind me, smooth and masculine, say, "Hey, Alice, I need you to head on down to the pitch so we can warm up." I look over my shoulder and see him standing behind me, and we lock eyes. It's the first time I've properly looked at him in about a month, and I see his hazel eyes flicker in confusion.

It's like the entire world stopped, only for a moment, but the second are dragging on. Everything in that one moment reminds me of the summer, the soft kisses and the warm breeze.

It only lasts for those few seconds, before he glances down and the connection is broken. Flustered, I stand up in a dash, knocking my orange juice in the process, and wave a hand to Alice.

"I gotta go," I mumble, before rushing out, not a word toward James.

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><p>As soon as I start to climb the steps of the stands, I realize something it wrong. My head starts spinning and my stomach churning and I can't seem to think straight. A few more steps, and I feel even worse. People around me are rushing up, shoving me to the side seeing I'm frozen.<p>

"Lily!" calls a distant voice, one I assume to be either Mary or Marlene. I don't wait around to find out, because I tear out of the stairwell, now feeling claustrophobic and sick. I didn't realize it at first, but now it all comes rushing back. This is exactly how I felt before, when I had my fear of heights. It didn't seem to be completely gone, I guess.

Tears form in my eyes, angry tears because this is all _his _fault. If he hadn't broken my heart, if he hadn't used me, played my out like one of his stupid birds, maybe this wouldn't have happened. But as it looked here, my fear had returned.

I push through the crowd, making my way up to the castle, before I hear another voice, one much different then the calling one before. This one is talking slow and deep and it's not talking to me.

"Amanda," sighs James, his hand perched on her cheekbone, brushing the hair from her eyes and leaning forward. They are situated behind a few trees along the path, probably thinking no one would want to watch their private encounter.

"Please," she replies, as she leans forward too. I close my eyes, before their lips meet, and let out a sob, before tearing away from path, and up toward the castle again. Twigs crack under my feet, while the October air stings my tear streaked cheeks, and I realize how heartbroken I really am. The picture of James, in his bright Quidditch robes and messy hair is burned onto the back of my eyelids, along with Amanda and her puckered lips.

"Lily! Lily! _Evans!"_ he calls from behind, obviously noticing that I had seen the entire scene, laid out like some cheesy movie on the television. I don't stop though, knowing I won't be able to face him and his smirking grin and his pitiful eyes. _He doesn't love you. He never loved you. He will never love you._ I repeat them over and over again, trying to accept the fact.

I pass the Head's office before I find the common room, and decide to hide out there until the game is over. Fumbling with the key, I finally let myself in, before throwing myself down face first on the couch. _He doesn't love you. And you will learn not to love him._

_"I don't love James Potter_," I whisper to myself, _"I don't love James Potter. I don't love James Potter._" Again and again, I repeat it to myself, curled up into a ball, back pressed to the couch, until finally, I almost start to believe it.

Almost.

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><p>I don't know what time it is when I am shaken awake, a large hand gripping my shoulder and slight moving it back and forth. Groggily, I sit up, unaware where I am or why there are dried tears sticking to my cheeks. It comes back when I see the culprit of the shaker, his messy black hair bringing back the memories of Amanda and James and my fear returning. I wish I could just go right back to sleep now.<p>

"Lily, what are you doing here?" asks James tentatively, an almost fearful expression inhabiting his face. Looking around, I realize I'm in the Head's Office and slowly sink down further into the couch with embarrassment. How could I fall asleep _here?_ In the one place he can find me?

"I.. I uh... just fell asleep," I stutter, my face flushing and burning red, as I slowly curse my ginger genes! "What are you doing here?" I bite back, glaring at him. "What if I wanted to continue sleeping without you interrupting?"

He hangs his head and mumbles, "Well... Gryffindor won and even if you don't usually come to the games I know you like the after parties. Also, I saw you running away earlier and just wanted to uh.. make sure you were okay." Suddenly I feel guilty, before pushing it to the back of my mind as I hear his last statement.

"Why do you give a shit, James? It's not like you care about me, why would you care if my whole world is crumbling around me?" I say it in a way filled with doubt and regret, one where the hurt shines through in my voice.

"Lily," he says softly, before grabbing my hand, "No matter what happened during the summer, I still care about you. I always will."

Ripping my hands from his, I scoff, "Well you sure have a funny way of showing it." My mind flashes back to the scene with Amanda and I feel the bile rising in my throat.

He catches on quick, replying steadily, "Are you... are you talking about that thing with Amanda?"

"Oh, so it's a thing now? Are you back together?" Jealousy seeps through my pores and into the room, hanging heavily in the air. It's awkward and embarrassing but I can't stop it.

"Lily, I want to be friends, please just listen, just for a moment-"

I cut him off, raising my hand into the air to stop him, and saying, "No, James, _you_ are going to listen. You hurt me. You led me on, you made me fall in love with you, and then you dumped me. You broke every promise you ever made. James... I trusted you. You were my best friend... I met your family! And then you have the nerve to come back here, to try to be my friend and make me listen to you? No, James, I don't want this. I'm sick of looking at you everyday and having my heart break all over again. I can't... I can't be friends with you because I'll die every day inside. I saw you and Amanda, yes, and if you two get back together I don't know if I can take it. Please, just leave me alone. Don't talk to me, don't look at me... stop making me love you. Please, James, just go."

"But Lily-"

I slam my hand down on the arm rest and cry, "James, do you not know how hard this is for me? Please, I don't want an explanation, I just want to be alone."

Finally, with a sigh, he just stands up and walks to the door.

"Lily... you don't know the whole story." And with that, he leaves, more confusing then ever. I don't cry, no, I just curl up again, falling back asleep. Because I don't feel pain in my sleep, when I'm sleeping I can't remember James. And that's just the way I like it.

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><p><strong>AN: So next chapter James and Lily are gonna talk a bit more and resolve some of the issues that they are having! We'll try to get the chapter written as soon as possible, so hopefully up within the next few days. As always, reviews motivate us greatly so we'd LOVE it SO much if you'd do that! has actually been really slow on Firefox on my computer, but I recently got Chrome so hopefully i can start replying to all your reviews! REVIEWS MAKE LILY AND JAMES FORGIVE EACH OTHER AND MAKE LOVELY BABIES THAT DESTROY EVIL DARK WIZARDS!**


	23. Awkward Acquaintances

**Author's Note: Hey guys! Robin and I are really sorry for dropping this on you guys so suddenly, but... *deep breath* this is it. This is the LAST CHAPTER of Teach Me How to Fly. It's really sudden, I know, but Robin and I are finished with this story. It has been such a joy having readers and reviewers as lovely as you guys, and we couldn't have asked for a better group of Jily lovers. We loved every minute of writing this, even through the tragic breakups and love triangles and plot twists. We're thinking we MIGHT post a short epilogue that wraps up the Sirius/Alice/Frank love triangle, but this is the last chapter with any Jily love in it. Sorry it's all so soon. Now ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I present you...the final chapter of Teach Me How to Fly. Thanks for everything, guys.**

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><p><span>Chapter Twenty-Three<span>

Generally, I really like after parties. We usually win, thanks to my excellent chasing skills, so every one's happy and excited and dancing. And getting wasted. Being the Marauders, my three close friends and I are always the ones to provide the drinks, thus making it something of a tradition to get fairly drunk during these parties.

Plus, it's not like we're the only ones.

But this time, I sort of hate the after party. In the past, I've always used them as an excuse to go up and try and get Lily to dance with me or snog or something, using my state of drunkness as an excuse for my behavior. Only this time, she's not here. Which oddly enough makes the whole affair a lot less fun. I'm so used to looking over to the corner and seeing her with her slightly-tipsy roommates, laughing about something or playing Exploding Snap or dancing together. But this time there's only three of them, and they look slightly concerned. Now that I think about it, they might not have seen Lily since the Quidditch game...

I groan inside every time I think of that disastrous event. Why? Why did Amanda have to show up then, why did Lily have to leave just at that moment, why did I stop thinking clearly?

I didn't mean to kiss her. Amanda, I mean. There I was, just walking down to the Quidditch pitch, ready to have yet another victory after the match against Hufflepuff. Then Amanda comes out of nowhere and practically begs me to just give her one chance, one kiss, to show me that I'm made for her or some bullshit. And I thought...why not?

A bit contradictory there, I know. But here's what I was thinking: there was no way I was going to get over Lily soon, only I had to. She didn't want me, or maybe she did, I don't know. But here was this girl I already knew who definitely wanted me. One who I hadn't messed up every aspect of my relationship with. I thought maybe she would help me get over my feelings for her. So I did kiss her. But then Lily popped up. And it all went downhill from there.

And now here I am, sitting on the back of one of the sofas in the Gryffindor common room, trying to get rid of this aching in my chest by drinking questionable amounts of Firewhiskey. Unlike the time Sirius and I purposefully got drunk this summer, after which we were too drunk to do anything, the alcohol makes me bolder and makes me want to do more. Only Gryffindors are in the common room, but I'm kind of thankful for that. The last thing I want to do right now is face Amanda right after I ran away from our kiss. Eek.

I dance with too many girls, I down too many shots, and I try to forget my problems just a little too much. All night, I feel like I'm on some sort of cloud nine: even though the Firewhiskey makes my problems a lot less noticeable in the moment, I know I'm going to be feeling them nice and strong come morning.

And Merlin, do I ever.

I open my eyes-gah, why are the lights so bright?-to find that I feel asleep on the couch. At least I had it better than some people. Unconcious party-ers are sleeping on the floor, partially on armchairs, on tables, or on each other. Sirius and Peter look like they had been competing for the armchair near me, since both have half of it and are leaning up against each other. Remus, being the smart one, probably went up to the dorm before he got too drunk to do so.

My headache is a really bad one-as in, really bad, and the bright lights don't help much-and I start to think that maybe drinking so much wasn't a very well thought-out idea.

I hear footsteps on the stairs and turn to see Remus coming down them, freshly showered and looking if anything a little tired. "Morning," he says plainly, surveying the damage brought upon by the after party.

"Mooney, I feel like shit."

"Gee, that's a surprise."

"Shut up, Mooney," I hear coming from Sirius as he starts to stir, Peter still softly snoring beside him. "It's much too early for your sarcasm."

"You know, there might possibly be a simple solution to your current state of being," says Remus (sarcastically). "Maybe if you actually didn't drink so much as you did..." More sarcasm. "Then you wouldn't be this hungover! Shocker, I know." And some more. Sirius glares at him, shooting him an expression that would be almost comical if my head didn't hurt so much.

"I'm going to kill you," he mutters. Remus smirks.

"Not if you can't catch me!" And with that, Remus jogs out of the common room at a leisurely pace, but it still looks like one I would never be able to match given my hangover.

"I should go catch him," Sirius says, slowly standing and stretching his arms. "Besides, if I don't get down to the Great Hall soon, all the crispy bacon would be gone!" And we all know what a tragedy that would be.

"I'm going to take a shower. A really, really cold shower," I reply, rubbing the space in between my eyes were my glasses left a mark.

"Have fun," he says as he very slowly strolls out of the common room, not looking like he means it at all. With the same amount of enthusiasm I respond, "You too." I glance at Peter, who now has the armchair to himself, and decide to leave him be, knowing my own hungover body is more than enough for me to handle right now.

The shower does help a little bit, and I stroll down to the common room-clean and actually dressed-feeling better. Well, better than before at least.

I make my way down to breakfast alone, not in a hurry as I stroll through the empty corridors. Everyone must be done at breakfast or still sleeping, but I'm glad to have those moments to myself. At least for a little while, until a voice calls out to me from behind.

"Potter!" I hear, closely followed by the sound of footsteps jogging to catch up with me. I turn around and am very surprised to see that the footsteps are Lily's. Partially because I didn't think she'd want to talk to me, and partially because I never expected her to go back to using my last name. Even though things ended on a bad note this summer, I thought we were mature enough and close enough to use our first names.

"Um, can I help you, Li-Evans?" I correct myself, figuring that two can play at that game. Whatever that game is.

She takes a deep breath, bites her bottom lip, and glances away, seeming to gaze around at anything but me. She's nervous, I can tell. But why? "Look, I...I just want to apologize for overreacting last night. It was out of place, I was emotional, and I'm sorry if I...uh...oh bugger, I'm such shit at this!" she exclaims, covering her face with her hands and taking a step back from me. I can't help but chuckle.

"Calm down, it's all fine. I didn't handle things last night very well either, and I think we should both just put it behind us." She nods slowly.

"Um, yeah...that's kind of why I came to talk to you, actually. Besides apologizing, I mean."

She still looks nervous and I still don't know why. But then she says, "Well, since we're working together this year, being the two Heads and all, and you know...so we don't go arguing all the time like we did in previous years, or something...well, I was hoping we could be...uh, awkward acquaintances." I raise my eyebrows, my hazel eyes locking with her green.

"Awkward acquaintances?" I repeat. She nods.

"You know, not quite...friends, I'd say, but not enemies either. And not ignoring each other, since we kind of can't do that. With Head duties, and all..." she adds on quickly, once again looking away. I think for a moment. Hey, some interaction with Lily was better than none at all, right?

"On one condition," I finally say, causing her to gaze at me curiously. "We call each other by our first names." She smiles.

"I think that's doable, James."

"Well, alright then, Lily."

"So awkward acquaintances it is, James?"

"Awkward acquaintances indeed, Lily." We shake on it, both of us trying to suppress our mutual grins. "May I accompany you to the Great Hall, good madam?" I hold out my arm for her to take, and she rolls her eyes before placing her hand on the crook of my elbow. Even after all the heartbreak and confusion and anger that our relationship has had over the past few months, I still feel the electricity that I felt this summer when she touches me.

"I'd be delighted, good sir," she jokes back, and together we stroll to the Great Hall for breakfast. Sure, it's awkward, but I love every minute of it. Sure we're off to a shaky start. Sure neither of us knows where we're going with this thing. But as I stroll with Lily through the hallways of Hogwarts, I feel something deep inside. And with that small glimmer of hope I feel, I think to myself, maybe we'll be alright after all.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: haha jk this isn't even close to being finished. we've got a loooooooong ways to go. we'd NEVER leave you with such an unsatisfying end between lily and james! we're not THAT mean! sooo yeah expect the next chapter tomorrow. in the mean time, feel free to leave a review about how much you hate us for "ending" it :P BYEEEE GUYS! (we seriously do love you though, we just have a funny way of showing it.)<strong>


	24. Late Night Rounds and Truth Telling

**A/N: OH MY LORDIE GUYS I WAS CRYING SO HARD FROM READING YOUR REVIEWS SERIOUSLY WHAT IS AIR. I'm sorry but your all's reactions were HILARIOUS. In all honesty, it could have been worse. Our original (evil) plan was to actually mark the story as complete and not let you in on the joke until next week, when we would continue the story. So, yeah, good for you we didn't do that haha. Erm... so today is Kurt and Blaine (Glee Couple)'s anniversary so this chapter goes out to the two of them. *covers ears while readers try to tell me they are fictional* HAPPY ONE YEAR YOU LOVELY BOYS! Welp... go ahead, and read while I cry over all their beautiful songs together and re-watch the episode "Original Songs" for the 5th time today.**

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><p>Things between James and I are... awkward to say in the least. Unless we are whispering words of love or cursing each other to hell... we don't really know what to do with the tender friendship. The fact of the matter is that he is a lovely person, very changed from the ignorant prick from fifth year and before. It was too hard to hate him, too hard to ignore him, so being stuck in the friend-zone is the best I can do. I won't deny it, my heart breaks when I see him look over at Amanda, when she gives him those flirty winks. But I'm trying, and that's the best I can do.<p>

It's Wednesday night, just a few days after we became awkward acquaintances, and it's our night for patrol. James grabs me from the Common Room where I'm furiously scribbling down my conclusion paragraph for my Charms essay, and taps his watch, signaling it's time for rounds. With a sigh, I hop up and we make our way from the portrait hole and start to survey the halls. We make light conversation, before we run out of words to say and homework to ask about and house rivalries to discuss.

It hangs there, out in the open, how much we both have changed since the summer. Before, we could never get enough words in. Now, we don't have enough to say.

"Let's play truth!" he finally proposes, cracking the silence as the hush now shatters on the ground.

"Truth or dare?" I question, looking at him skeptically and trying to figure out what he means. God, he looks good right now. The torches are illuminating part of his face, his hazel eyes completely lit up. Now that I think about it, that shirt really looks good on him...

I practically smack myself across the face at the thoughts, repeating to myself in my head, _we're just friends_. I hadn't realized how hard this was going to be.

"No, truth!" he explains, throwing his hands up in the air as we continue to walk, almost outraged that I don't know what it my head to the side, I show him I still have no idea what he is talking about. He huffs and says, "You're a Muggle, you are _supposed _to know this game. The rules are simple, I ask you a question and then you ask me one and we both have to be completely and utterly honest or you lose. And you can't refuse to answer or you lose to."

Giggling (yes, I, Lily Evans, is once again _giggling _in James Potter's presence), I retort, "That sounds idiotic! I don't want to answer all your incriminating questions!"

"Oh, but I know you want answers from me, that's a plus. Also, you are just scared I'm gonna win."

"I am not! James Potter, you are _so_ going down!" And suddenly, it wasn't James and Lily, broken up couple or Potter and Evans, the two bickering enemies, but rather two friends, joking around during rounds, the awkwardness and clumsiness they were once feeling wiped away.

"Since I pity you so much and your lacking of knowledge that I will win, I will let you go first."

I think about it for a second, before asking, "What's your favorite candy from Honeydukes?" It is an easy one, I know, but starting off with something more personal would feel weird.

"Easy, sugar quills. What's your sister's middle name?"

I give him a look and ask, "Why do you want to know _that?_"

Rolling his eyes, he responds, "Tut, tut, Ms. Evans, giving up already?"

"Oh no, just wondering why that was such an important first question for me. And it's Gertrude." At the name, we both burst out laughing, gasping for air once it falls from my lips.

And so it begins.

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><p>Rounds are every other day, meaning we play the game that often. Sometimes it's silly questions, like shoe size, but other times, though very rarely, we dive into deeper topics. It's the only real time we spend together, since at mealtimes he sits at his end and me at mine, Alice and Sirius still quite strange around each other, as well as the fact that Amanda feels the need to come over and talk to James at every meal. Other then a passing wave or smile in the corridors, we don't interact much outside of rounds and head duties.<p>

Two weeks pass, of playing Truth and shy smiles as we slowly rediscover the friendship we built over the summer. I avoid the topic of our previous relationship like the plague as does James and when the War comes up in our game, we both go quiet and don't speak for a for moments. It always picks back up again, with one of James's lame jokes or another question.

It's November now, the cold winds picking up and the clouds producing a light flurry occasionally. I've just gotten out of Defense when I feel an arm grab by elbow and have myself yanked into an empty classroom. Pulling out my wand, I am surprised to find that it is only Sirius in front of me, his mouth upturned into a smirk as he sees my wand.

"Whatcha gonna do, Evans? Hex me?" He jokes and I send him a playful glare before putting it away.

"What do you want, Sirius? I'd really rather get to lunch, I hear they're serving those delicious pumpkin pastries they have in November today and I want to get one before they are all gone."

"Bloody hell, Evans, you're worse then me!"

"You can call me Lily, you know," I reply, almost hurt that he can't call me by my first name.

"Huh?"

"Lily, my first name. Remember, you started calling me that over the summer..." I trail off and look at the ground, a red blush rising to my cheeks.

"Well, things have changed since the summer. That's what I want to talk to you about." His tone is scathing and I look up, narrowing my eyes, before nodding for him to go on. "Stay away from James. You already broke his heart too many times to count, and I'm too good of a friend to wait around for it to happen again."

I widen my eyes, waiting for the punch line, before replying when I don't get one, "Sirius, do you really think _I _broke James's heart? _He_ broke up with _me!_"

"Oh get off your high horse, Evans, we both know you were going to do it at the end of the summer anyway. You wouldn't dare let your ego take a blow by it being known that you finally said yes to James, you don't have the heart to be with him. All you girls are the same, and I can't watch him get his hopes up now for you just to let them come crashing down again." My mouth opens wide, ready to say something, before I snap it shut again, knowing I need to think about what I say before I scream it out at him.

"I loved him," I whisper, "I loved him and he broke up with me, he was the one who said it was a fling. I was ready, I was ready to show the world and he ended it. And you really think I like this? You think I like being just friends with him? Do you really think I'm not dying in side _every_ day?"

He shakes his head and replies, "How the hell would I know what's going on inside your head? You are just like Alice." The way he says her name, the way the icy word falls from his lips, it's chilling.

"Look, I'm not going to defend my best friends actions. Yes, what she did was awful, it was heartbreaking for me to watch and I can't even imagine what you are feeling. But what you don't seem to be grasping is the fact that you are looking at James and I's relationship backwards. He broke my heart, he left me, like Alice left you. I'm not trying to downplay what you went through, but at least Alice left you for someone else." His eyes singe with rage and I place a hand up, ready to explain myself. "In some other lifetime, in one where Frank wasn't around or the war wasn't here, she would be with you, I have no doubts in my mind. She would choose you if there wasn't any outside factors. James? Well, James got bored. James just plain old didn't want me. He chose being alone over being with me." I can't help my notice how sad my tone it, how pathetic the words sound. I really have turned into one of those girls, starstruck over some boy I will never have.

"You know, Evans, you don't know everything, and you shouldn't just assume you know the full story," he bites out, before turning on his heel and marching from the room. Once he's gone, my legs crumble out from beneath me and I sit there for a few moments, pondering over the conversation we just had.

What was the full story? What did everyone know that I didn't? But, more importantly, one question flutters through my mind, circling around until I can't take it anymore, _were there anymore of those bloody delicious pastries left in the Great Hall?_

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><p><strong>AN: THANKS FOR READING AND THANKS FOR REVIEWING, I WOULD LOVE IF YOU WOULD TELL US HOW YOU LIKED THIS CHAPTER. Also, if you want an immediate response or just wanna talk and be friends, you can visit my tumblr ofcatsandthings (. tumblr . com ) THANKS SO MUCH(: REVIEWS HELP LILY FIND OUT THE FULL STORY QUICKER AND MAKES JILY GET TOGETHER QUICKER! hehe**


	25. Jealousy

**Author's note: I have to agree with Robin. Your reactions to that were hilarious. I do want to apologize for doing it though, be cause it was pretty evil. I don't know what came over us. I guess we just knew it would be really funny. Anywho, I've got some good news and some bad news. Good news is, James and Lily WILL be getting back together! HOORAY! I mean we all knew it was happening, this is definitely a canon thing guys. Bad news is, it's not for another few chapters or so. AWWW MAN. I know, I know. We're doing the best we can. But you can't rush these things. In other news, any Hunger Games fans out there? What did you think of the movie? I LOVED IT SO AMAZING I DIED OF AMAZINGNESS OVERLOAD. Sorry. I also figured out that Peeta Mallark is my second favorite male fictional character. Behind James Potter of course, that guy is a sexy beast.**

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><p>Lily and I continue our routine: small, brief, insignificant interactions in the hallways or during meals or classes, but whenever we have rounds together every other night we play our games of Truth. If I thought I knew her before, well, that's nothing compared to how well we know each other now. I would go so far as to consider her one of my best friends, even, as there are some things I've told her that I've never told anyone before. Although I'll admit, our relationship is still far from perfect. Because though I have told her many things, I know I can't tell her everything.<p>

One day, however, I am in my dorm getting ready to go out on patrol with her-which is really just trading in my uniform for Muggle clothes and grabbing my Invisibility Cloak-when Sirius pipes up, "Uh, James, I feel like there's something I have to say." I turn and give him a look before saying, "...Go on."

He clears his throat, sitting up on his bed but not making eye contact, and says to me, "So, the other day, I might've talked to Evans about some stuff..."

I freeze, wondering what on earth he might have conversed with Lily about. "...And?"

"Well, all I said was entirely true, so I can't be blamed for that! Even though she kept denying it..." he trails off, keeping his eyes locked on the floor.

"Padfoot," I say, interrupting his train of thought. "What did you say to her?"

"Erm...well...You see, and I think I can speak for the both of us when I say this...but I think we both know how your relationship with Evans would've ended over the summer if...well, if things hadn't changed them from happening." Okay, what the bloody hell is he talking about? I think he notices my confused facial expression, for he quickly continues to elaborate. "She would've totally broken your heart, mate. After all those years of pursuit she wouldn't be able to stand finally saying yes. Honestly, it's a good thing you got out while you could..."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I exclaimed, a little louder than intended. "Is that all the wisdom you cared to shower upon her, or is there more?"

"I just said that she should stay away from you, because then she couldn't end up hurting you. I was just looking out for you, Prongs. The last thing I would've wanted is for you to get hurt, by anyone. Who knows what-"

"I repeat, are you fucking kidding me?" I glare at him. "I'm sorry to break it to you, Sirius, but you knew nothing-and still know nothing-about our relationship. Hell, I'm still trying to figure it out. And frankly, I don't need you to try and figure it out for me!"

"I wasn't trying to figure out anything!" he shouts back. "I'm just sick and tired of hearing, 'Evans this, Evans that' when we don't know how it's going to play out between the two of you! I'm sorry to break it to you, Prongs, but you just have to step up and get over your little infatuation and just admit that you two will never be together!"

"Just because that's the case with you and Alice doesn't mean it's the case with Lily and me!" I yell, furious that he would let his own relationship try and dominate mine. "I know what we've got, okay? There's something between us, even if it's not going on right now, while all there was between you and Alice was just some...some fling!"

"Don't say that!" Sirius bellows, clearly having been thrown over the edge of anger and now barreling towards full-on outrage. "You say I don't know what you and Lily had? You can't be a bloody hypocrite when you know nothing about me and Alice! You call our relationship a fling?" He scoffs, reducing his volume to a kind of controlled rage. "You and Lily didn't even last two months together. If that doesn't prove you two were never meant to be, then I don't know what does." And with that final blow to my pride, he shoots me a withering glare and storms out of the dorm, not even bothering to slam the door behind him. I kick my trunk in frustration and collapse on my bed, holding my head in between my knees.

That little person inside of me, the one that somehow always squashes those dreadful feelings of doubt, keeps saying, What he said, was all lies. He's just jealous. That I'm still on speaking terms with Lily while him and Alice aren't even awkward acquaintances. I smile as the phrase comes to mind, despite my frightening argument with Sirius, as it reminds me of Lily, as she used that term to describe the in-between phase we had not too long ago. In between what? Trying to ignore everything that happened and being able to forgive and forget it, for the most part, seeing as that's where we are now.

A thought pops into my head, not too far from where my mind was a minute ago, and suddenly I know the first question I'm going to ask her in our game of Truth tonight.

"If I don't recall, you were supposed to meet me here about ten minutes ago," Lily says, eying me as if she actually cares that I was late. I can still see the hint of a smile play on her lips, and that's what causes me to grin larger.

"Well, sorry to be so rude, Ms. Evans, but I got held up. See, uh..." I pause, considering whether or not to talk with her about Sirius's confrontation. "Erm, Sirius told me he...talked to you, I guess." I can see the color drain from her face, but she maintains an emotionless expression, inviting me to go on without saying anything, betraying anything, doing anything. "I just want to apologize for what he said. None of it was really true, to be honest. I think he's still just really torn up about Alice, and just took it out on you. You really didn't deserve it, trust me."

She gazes at me with the same blank face for a moment, then takes a shaky breath and gives me a very small, hesitant smile. "It's fine, James. I'm over it, really. What Sirius said, I mean. I know he didn't mean it. I'm just more concerned that you know he didn't mean it." I swear, her gaze can see right through me. I nod. Her smile widens. "Good. Now, let's patrol, shall we?"

We start walking slowly and I nonchalantly say, "So, I'm pretty sure it's my turn to ask you a question, right?" She shoots me a look and replies, "No, you definitely asked me a question last time. It's my turn."

I shake my head, trying to brush me off. "No, that was three nights ago. It's definitely my turn." But she keeps persisiting.

"No, it's my turn! I'm positive!"

"Fine, then you ask me a question! I give up, you win," I say, chuckling and running my hands through my hair. She grins, then thinks for a moment. The question she asks completely catches me off guard.

"So, you and Amanda Hartridge, huh? Are you guys together, now?" Of all things, why did it have to be that?

I'm sure it would appear to a lot of people that Amanda and I are in fact together, when we're really not. Sure, we do a lot of casual snogging in broom cupboards or secret passageways and empty classrooms, but it's never even gone beyond second base. And that was one time. And I'll admit, we do a lot of flirting, but then again, I kind of flirted with everyone before there was a me-and-Lily. Even now, there kind of is, but not in the way I want it. And until I do get the kind I want, I'm stuck trying to make do with Amanda Hartridge, who can no way compare with Lily. Guess I'm just trying to fill the void that's come back ever since I broke up with her.

But I'd never ask her to get together again. I think she's kind of expecting me to, and while I do feel bad for leading her on...I just can't.

"No," I say quietly, not making eye contact with her. "We're not together. Don't think we will be anytime soon." She nods slowly, as if trying to figure something out with too little information, but then she brushes it off and asks brightly, "So? What were you so desperate to ask me?"

I hesitate, inhale, then exhale, but then that little voice says to me, Oh, just say it! "Why did you suddenly decide to become awkward acquaintances with me? After you told me you wanted nothing to do with me?" If my question makes her uncomfortable, she doesn't show it.

"I don't know. I guess I just realized talking to you a little bit would be a lot better than not talking to you at all."

"And...were you right?" I blurt out. She gives me a confused look. "Is talking to me a little bit better than none at all?" She smiles.

"I'd hardly say we only talk a little bit." I return her grin, still waiting for her to answer. "But yeah. It really is. I mean I can't say that I'm completely satisfied with-hey, wait a minute! You asked two questions! Now I have to ask two!" Oh, bugger. I'm extremely curious as to what she was going to say, but for now I guess I'll just have to wonder and hope she'll tell it one day. I could just ask her, I know, since we're playing this game of Truth, but something tells me she's glad she never finished her sentence.

And if I'm going to take away that little bit of satisfaction, no matter how insignificant it is, who am I to really be in love with her?

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><p><strong>Author's Note: JAMES IS IN LOVE WITH LILY WHAAAT AS IF WE DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW THAT? Also, the reason they broke up will be revealed around the same time they get back together. I think it's like...five chapters maybe? I don't know. We'll try to update much more often. Sorry for the irregular schedule. You can notify both Robin or me at our Tumblrs: Robin's is .com and mine is .com OR just leave us a lovely review right down there! Tell us what you thought of the chapter, and...what the heck, Team Peeta or Gale? (Both of us are Team Peeta BTW) LOVE YOU ALL BYE!<strong>


	26. Rejection

**A/N: First and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMES POTTER :D SEX RIOT TIME WHAT. Okay, so... yeah. I don't have much to say other then Maddy is a smarty pants and didn't realize when she wrote the author's note last chapter that you can't copy and past links :/ nice job... my tumblr is ().com GOT IT? OKay cool. I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY BUT ENJOY AND also I'll be publishing a few other things tonight just for the lovely James's birthday.**

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><p>"What's wrong?" I gasp on an early December morning, the light just barley peaking through the curtains, the clock reading nine. It's a Saturday morning, one I planned to sleep into until <em>at least<em> eleven, but the sound of a slamming door and sobbing Alice woke me up. I'm sitting up in my bed, blankets pooled around my waist and hair sticking up every which way as I try to figure out what has gotten Alice in such a state of distress.

"I don't want to talk about it!" she cries, before running into the bathroom and slamming the door. Luckily, Mary and Marly are already up and at breakfast, so the ruckus she was making didn't disturb anyone but me. Well, lucky for them and not me.

Sighing, I hop out of bed, almost tripping over my tangled sheets, and make my way to the door, where I knock and plead, "Alice, please open the door." I hear more sobs, before she slowly cracks the door. I see a tear streaked cheeks and a splotchy complexion, as well as her Quidditch robes adorning her shaking frame.

"Sirius-he came and talked... yelled was more like it-after prac-practice," Alice stutters, before scrubbing her eyelids with the back of her hands. I slowly back away from the door and grab her hands, before leading her over to the beds and sitting down next to her.

"Okay, just calm down and tell me what happened," I request in a soothing voice, slowly rubbing circles into her shoulder. After a few minutes, her sobs die down and she starts talking.

"Well, it was right after practice..."

_Alice was just about dead, sweat dripping down her forehead and cheeks flushed from the cold wind whipping against them. The crazy practice schedule James had sent out at the beginning of the month was killing her, what, with seven o'clock practices on Saturdays, but they had a big game against Slytherin coming up after the Christmas hols so she could understand it. _

_After a cold shower, she slipped back on her robes, cursing herself she had forgotten her regular clothes, before stepping out of the girl's locker room in pursuit of the Great Hall for some of that delicious crispy bacon. She was stopped on her way though, for Sirius was waiting outside the door of the changing rooms, a hard expression on his face._

_"Sirius," she said, nodding at him, before making a move toward the castle. He halted her by grabbing her arm, and spinning her around to face him._

_"We need to talk."_

_"I have nothing to say to you," she replied harshly, "Now I'm off to the Great Hall for some breakfast."_

_He let her walk a few steps before saying, "You know, we're going to have to talk about this sometime. Best to get it out of the way now, right?"_

_She whipped around and stared at him with blazing eyes before shouting, "What are you going to do? Are you going to yell at my for staying with Frank or for leading you on? Are you going to yell at me, make me feel worse for lying to everyone I love?"_

_Sirius shook his head, biting back, "Oh no you don't. Don't stand there and act like you are the victim here. You are the one who lied, who broke my heart. You are the one who said you were going to break up with him and then got engaged to him. You didn't even have the guts to say it to my face."_

_"I couldn't, Sirius! I couldn't tell you!"_

_"And why not? Why couldn't you just give me a chance to convince you?"_

_"Because Sirius, because you are reckless and stupid and insane. But you are _everything_ I want in someone. Sirius, if it were any other situation, I would choose you over him. But it's not, we are in a war, and I can't leave Frank. He is safe, you are a risk. It would be selfish of me, to leave him. I knew if I told you... I would crumble. Just like before, I would crumble and you would be there to pick up the pieces and I couldn't do that to you again."_

_He shook his head and said, "You aren't the person I thought you were. I thought you were someone brave, someone who would follow their heart. Don't you see it's selfish to stay with Frank, to stay with him when you don't even really love him? It's okay _not_ to be okay sometimes. I thought you were someone who I could trust. But you aren't. You're just some cold bitch who led me on and broke my heart. Have a good life, Alice Longbottom."_

_And with that, he walked away, up toward the castle as Alice collapsed to the ground and broke into sobs._

"And then, after I collected myself a bit more, I ran up here, but I guess I just kept thinking about what he said... he was right, Lily. God, I can't take this. How do I make this right?"

I shake my head, her story still spinning around in it, and say, "Alice, I don't think there's anything you can do. Let him cool down... just give it time. Time is the only thing that can heal the wounds, if anything can."

She nods, sniffling her nose, and replies, "You're right. But, if there's hope for you and James to be friends, maybe there is for us." The word friends catches my ear and I feel like breaking down into sobs, because being friends with James kills me, but I can't tell her that.

"Maybe."

She decides to carry on, saying, "You and James had time apart and look how good you two are together! I mean, you don't talk much outside of rounds, but it's progress! And there are no messy feelings or anything like that, it's so simple!" I want to correct her, I do. I want to tell her there _are _messy feelings, on my part at least. There's the fact that I'm pining away for him while he goes off and flirts with that skank Amanda, there's the fact that he doesn't think of me as anything more then an acquaintance.

I don't know what to say, so i just nod weakly.

It's the Friday before the Christmas Hogsmeade and I'm idly chewing on a piece of toast, debating what scarf to wear on the trip when something down the table catches my attention. As always, Amanda skips over to the Marauder group, flipping and twirling her hair as she goes. I suppress a growl, not wanting to alert Alice of any suspicious, non platonic behavior.

The thing that is so strange about it, though, is that fact that James isn't flirting back. I can't quite make out the conversation, because of the loud chattering in the Hall, but I can tell from his body language that he isn't responding to her advances. He actually looks kind of sick, like he's extremely uncomfortable. I try not to squeal in pleasure at the new development. James _always_ responds to her flirting, but I guess today isn't her day.

There's one thing that I _can_ hear and that's her loudly asking, "So James, will you go to Hogsmeade with me?" Alice seems to hear it too, for she whips her head around to watch the situation unfold. All four Marauders turn to look at each other, and it may be my imagination, but I swear Sirius glances my way.

James runs his hand through his hair nervously and murmurs something quietly to her, his lips moving to form words I can't understand. I can guess his answer though, from the way her face screw together and twists into a scowl, before she flees the Great Hall, a few of her friends jumping up to follow her. There is a quiet chuckle that runs through the Gryffindor table, and Sirius holds up his hands to high five James. To that, James shakes his head, before grabbing his belongings with slumped shoulders and leaving the Hall.

"Wonder what that was about," I nonchalantly sigh, before happily taking a bite of my eggs. I know I shouldn't be happy about Amanda getting rejected, but I am.

"I know, it's so surprising he didn't say yes," Alice replies, "The way they've been going at it for weeks, I was sure he would say yes. I mean, with the flirting and making out, everyone thought they were together!"  
>And suddenly a pit grows in my stomach, as soon as the words leave her mouth. Because just a few months ago<em> that was me. <em>That was me, flirting with James and making out with him secretly, though we never made it official to the public, I was just like Amanda, completely pathetic. I hate what he turned me into, I always despised those girls who chased after him, hoping for a quick hook up, and that's exactly what I was.

"Oh," I murmur quietly, "I guess I didn't realize they were that close. I've...uh.. got to go." With that, with no explanation to Alice or myself, I hop up and leave the Great Hall, a huge lump in my throat growing.

At that moment, I feel alone, more than I ever have. My family is no use, what, with my sister hating me and my parents so oblivious. Alice doesn't know the full story, and probably never will, because I know I can't burden her with my problems when she has to many of her own. Of course there are the Marauders, with Remus who could never really choose a side and Peter whose always been a bit dim witted, not someone who I could really confide in. Sirius seems to think _I'm _the one who caused the break up, and well, then there's James.

To be honest, he's the only person I want to talk to. I think of our long conversation over the summer, all the things I told him about my sister, about my problems. I think of how we whispered out secrets under the moonlight, how we didn't have a care in the world. But the memories are tinted with this dark filter, one that tells me it was all such a lie. What I thought it was and what I was feeling was so very different from what he was. And I've gone over it in my head so many times but this time it feels different.

I'm kind of storming down the mainly empty halls, head pointed down, and I don't really know where I'm headed when I hit a hard object, reflected onto the floor with my books in a heap. When I glance up, I see James, looking confused with his belonging also splattered around in the corridor. We both let out a giggle, before rushing around to pick our things up.

I grab my History of Magic book and shove it into my backpack, before reaching for my Potion's notebook at the same time James does. My hand hits his and suddenly I freeze, as does he. It's just like back in October, when he came to get Alice for the match, like the whole world stopped around us. Our eyes meet and this time, the pause is longer, where we just kind of look at each other. It's weird and strangely awkward.

A scurrying first year ruins the moment when he dashes through the hallway, glancing down at us as he heads for breakfast, obviously having overslept. We both jump back, mumbling apologies, and finish grabbing our stuff.

"Um... can I walk you to Potions?" he asks once we are both up righted. I nod, biting the inside of my lip to stop from smiling at the gesture.

"So," I start as we meander to the classroom, "That was quite a scene."

He laughs nervously, running a hand through his unruly hair and responds, "Yeah, she uh… I don't think she really got that I wasn't looking for anything serious."

"You never are, are you?" I bite back severely, regretting it as soon as it drips off my tongue. "Sorry," I apologize, "Still I bit bitter, as you can see."

James shakes his head and says, "You have every right to be. I… I just wish I could explain it to you, all of it."

Anger fills me again and I retort, "What is with you, you and Sirius telling me I don't know the full story, but then not telling me the full story? What is so dangerous that you have to keep from me, but so important that I know?" It's driving me crazy, the fact that I know he's hiding it from me.

A heavy sigh escapes his mouth and he buries him head in his hands, saying, "Shit, Lily, I wish you knew. It would… I just wish you knew."

"Knew what?" I cry, now completely pissed off, "Know what, James? Standing here saying you wish I knew something doesn't change anything unless you tell me."

"I'm sorry," he whispers, almost to himself, "I'm doing it for you."

"You're doing what for me?" I practically yell, grunting in annoyance, before storming off into the classroom. I had a feeling today would not be my day.

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><p><strong>AN: Please Review, tell us what you liked! Sorry they aren't back together yet :/ ALSO IF SOMEONE FAVORITE THIS STORY WHOSE USERNAME STARTS WITH E, PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW WE HAVE SOMEONE LOOKING FOR YOU.**


	27. Important Questions

**A/N: So I'm just going to let you read. no long author's note today.**

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><p>Tonight's game of Truth is...different. Way more personal than all the others. Tomorrow both of us would go to our own homes for the Christmas holidays, three weeks of not seeing each other. Three weeks with no games of Truth. So it felt as if tonight we were packing in every intimate question we could possibly have. Well, by intimate I mean...oh, forget it.<p>

"Your first kiss?" Lily asks me, giving me a suggestive look before laughing. I smirk.

"Cameron Hawthorne. I was a second-year."

"Didn't she graduate a year before us?"

"Yeah. I've always had a thing for older women. I mean look at you, you have like three months on me!" We both laugh before I counter with, "So? Who was yours, then?"

"Oh, god, I don't even know if I remember..." she says, trailing off and focusing her eyes on a suit of armor ahead of us, as if concentrating on that would give her the correct answer. "Jeffery Bridges. At Madame Puddifoot's."

"He took _you_ to Madame Puddifoot's? And then tried to kiss you?"

She snickers. "My thoughts exactly. I hated the publicity of it. I like to keep my private affairs private, unlike someone I could mention with a habit of snogging some girl in the Entrance Hall for the whole school to see." She gives me a sharp look, but underneath the glare I can see the laughter still shining in her eyes.

"What? I wasn't as bad as Sirius."

"True, true. I'll give you that. Anyway, it's my turn to ask you a question."

"Alright, then. Go ahead." I still chuckle to myself and shake my head at the thought of her kissing all those guys before me...then again, she was an excellent snogger. You don't get that kind of skill just by kissing a few blokes...

"Are you a virgin?" Holy shit. Did not see that one coming.

I choke out a few syllables that she'll definitely not be able to understand ("Wah...ee...buh...ach...") before inhaling quickly and just saying, "No. I'm not." She shrugs casually.

"Figured as much. I suppose there must be some truth behind that reputation." Wait, reputation?

"It was only one girl, though," I say in a rush. "I've only ever slept with one girl."

Lily looks at me blankly, her face displaying nothing. But her eyes-her eyes gave away the curiosity that was no doubt eating at her. "And did you love her? The girl you have slept with?"

I give her a half grin. "Trust me, Lily, I've only ever really loved one girl. And I've never slept with her." She nods awkwardly and looks away, no doubt unsure what to make of my statement. "Now, you totally did just ask two questions there, but I'll be nice this time around and let you get away with it."

"Thanks, I guess. Now what are you asking me? Surely something as uncomfortable as my last question?" She says, rolling her eyes and continuing with her strolling, not noticing that I had stopped walking.

And since I happen to be the biggest moron to ever walk the planet, I-of course-say the worst possible thing that I can. The first thing that comes to my mind. The last thing she wants to answer. "Did you love me?" She stops in her tracks as soon as it's out of my mouth and glances back at me, not fully raising her eyes to mine. She then closes them and sighs, as if she's suddenly exhausted.

"Yeah," she says so quietly I can barely hear. "I told you I did. And I did. I mean what I say."

"Yeah, I know," I interject, lowering my voice to her volume and shoving my hands in her pockets, refusing to meet her gaze.

She very cautiously walks over to where I stand frozen, unable to move my feet. "Did you love me?" she asks in the same quiet voice. My mind doesn't know what to think. I could deflect the question, giving a vague answer, saying, _I liked you, but not loved._ But then I think: lying would get me nowhere. This is a game of Truth, after all. The whole point is to answer _truth_fully.

"Yeah," I breathe out, giving a slight nod of my head. I expect her to get angry at this, to call me out and demand to know why I broke up with her if I did "love" her. But when I finally look up, I see her face is one of...well, I'm not quite sure. I'd say she looks almost relieved that I said I did.

She looks at me, and I realize she's waiting for me to ask a question. I should ask something completely unrelated, I know that, but instead of asking about her most embarrassing moment like I planned, the words that come out of my mouth are: "Do you still love me?"

Even in the dark, I can see her pupils dilate, her eyes grow wider, her breath coming quicker. After a long silence, during which neither of our eyes stray from each other's, she says, "Pass."

That catches me off guard for about the millionth time tonight. "Pass?" I ask, incredulous.

"Pass. I know, it means I lose and you win, blah blah blah, but-"

"Hold on. I don't think either of us are necessarily ready for you to lose. It's so soon! So...maybe if I changed the question..."

"Are you sure that's allowed?" she asks, lightly poking me in the chance. I grab her finger and envelope her hand in mine, leaning in to whisper, "I'm sure we could alter the rules if we see fit."

She grins. "That sounds doable, then. So what's your new question?"

Maybe it's the fact that she looks so the way the moonlight(lolwut they are outside?) hits her. Maybe it's the fact that I can feel her breath tickle my face. Maybe it's the fact that our faces are so close already. Maybe it's the fact that her warm hand is inside of mine. Maybe it's the fact that it all comes rushing back-all the kisses, touches, smiles, promises that happened between us that summer-in those two seconds that make me ask, "Do you want to kiss me right now?"

She holds my gaze steadily, not moving away nor towards me. Once again, I can't read her facial expression. But then I hear it. So quiet that if I hadn't been silent in anticipation of her answer I might have missed it. "_Yes_."

And the next thing I know, her lips are on mine. The kiss is slow, soft, gentle, hesitant, so much like our very first kiss. And then it's over. She pulls back and her eyes flutter open, meeting mine. And then, goddamn it, I can't take it anymore. My hand still clasped in hers, I pull her towards me and kiss her again, this time a little more passionately. She responds after only a second's hesitation: removing her hand from mine to wrap her arms around my neck, opening her mouth so that I can deepen the kiss, pulling me towards her until our bodies are together. Then she's backed up into a wall, and we're just kissing, kissing like we did all those months ago. It's just like I remember. And so nice, too.

It feels so right, but then...then it just feels so wrong. What am I doing? Kissing her like this when I can't have any hopes of being in a relationship with her. Reluctantly, I pull away, murmuring her name against her lips, but as I do she captures my bottom lip in her teeth, and _shit_, that almost does me in, but I know I can't hurt her more than I already have.

I lean my forehead against hers, both of us lacking in the oxygen department, and I murmur, "Lily Evans, you're going to be the death of me." She gives me a look, but with it a small smile, and in that moment I feel as if I've never been more in love with her than I am now. That's why it kills me to do this.

"Lily...I care about you. So, so much. Which is why I...I just can't do this." Her smile slowly fades, but she doesn't say anything, doesn't move from my arms. "I...god, it's killing me, Lily. That I can't tell you, that we can't...we can't be...can't be..."

"James," she murmurs, causing me to stop my blabbering and focus on her again. "Calm down, please don't do this. I don't know why you're doing this-"

"Hell, I don't know why I'm doing this..." She smiles.

"But I'm just hoping one day you'll come around. It's so...god, it's so stupid of me to think so, but...I don't know. I can't believe I fell for this again... Look, I should...I should get back to my dorm..." She pushes herself gently from my arms and walks a few steps away, crossing her own arms across her middle and glancing at me once again. "Have a nice holiday, James."

And then she runs away, her cheeks tinged red and my heart breaking at the sight, leaving me to wonder why the hell I just did that.

Five minutes later, when I'm still standing in that same position, I come to the conclusion that the next time I see her in person-when the three week-long break is over, I'm going to tell her once and for all why I had to end our relationship. And I'm going to fix things. Well, as much as I can fix them without hurting her.

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><p><strong>AN: So yeah. Erm... Happy Spring Break if yours is this week! Mine is and I'm super excited. I'll try to update next week one or two times, sorry this is so late! PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL US WHAT WE THINK, REVIEWS MAKE JAMES TELL LILY THE FULL STORY. REVIEWS MAKE ME UPDATE FASTER (:**


	28. Belated Christmas Miracle

**A/N: Happy belated Easter everyone, here's a nice piece of candy for your basket *places a Reeses cup in your basket because honestly, I got like 50 fucking pieces of them in my basket and if i even look at another one i think i might puke* My present for you, other then the candy, is this wonderful chapter. Actually, I'm not quite satisfied with the way it turned out, but I don't want to re-write it so here you go. Also, I just want to apologize for the little slip up in the last chapter. At one part it said something along the lines of "under the moonlight" and in parenthesis after that was "lol wut why are they outside" and it's due to the fact that that was Maddy's chaper, and I hate to proofread chapters before I put them on here so when I was commenting on Google-docs, I just didn't delete it. But, of course, I found out afterward that it was there and for some reason, found it so hilarious that I didn't want to take it off. So, yeah, I forgot there is an actual chapter under this monster of an author's note that you probably want to read. Hehe whoops. Sorry, go on and read, hope you like it!**

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><p>I hate Christmas time. I hate the colors, the disgusting red and green, and the freshly baked cookies and the stockings hung and <em>everything <em>about it. Well, actually, that's a lie. Usually, I love the smell that hangs in the air during December, the scent of the trees and crackling fireplace, yet have grown to hate one aspect of it: mistletoe. I hate mistletoe. I hate how it just hangs there, mocking me with in promiscuous ways. I mean, who even came up with the idea? Probably some skanky girl like Amanda who just wanted another reason to cozy up with a bunch of guys during the most wonderful time of the year.

Travelling home for the holiday, after the events that has occurred at school, it is filled with me mostly hiding in my room, debating what to do once I get back to school. Partially, I am angry and upset, but more of my feelings are directly correlated with _embarrassment_. I mean, had I really gotten myself tangled up in the mess again, only to find out that he still didn't want to be with me like that? Even now it makes me tinge red, blood flooding to my normally pale cheeks.

I remember the way my blood raced when he said yes, _he had loved me. _Maybe he still loves me, maybe we still have a chance, I had thought. He wanted to kiss me, I know that, why else would he have asked that question and initiated the meant-to-be-peck? I, however, was the one who had amped it up, turning the peck into a full out snog, which is turn showed him rejecting me, again, saying he 'just couldn't'.

God he was perfect. That's what killed me, how polite he had turned me down. The thought of his lips on mine and his body beneath my hands got my blood racing, made me light headed. And now I realized, when he said yes, that he did love me, that sure, he meant it. But he meant _exactly _it. As in, he had loved me, the idea of me, before he had me. But once he did, he knew he wasn't the kind to be tied down, especially to a girl like me. That's why he let me go, he stopped loving me in the first place.

None of my family seemed to notice, all too giddy with excitement for the holiday, as well as my sister hogging up all the attention with talk of her new, _perfect_ boyfriend, Vernon Dursley. The word boyfriend makes me nauseous, and whenever the talk changes to my love life, I deflect away from it immediately.

A few days after Christmas, I sit on my bed, playing with one of the trinkets left under the tree, when I hear a tapping at my window. Jumping up, with the thought that _maybe _it's a letter from James, I run over to the glass immediately, pulling it open and letting the bird in, which I recognize to be his. Practically shaking as I take it, I turn the letter over in my hand, seeing my name on the front. There's something wrong, though, because it's not his handwriting.

_Dear Lily,_

_I do hope you are having a good holiday and enjoyed Christmas. This might sound a bit strange, seeing as we aren't all that close, but would you like to meet for maybe some lunch and a late tea on tomorrow somewhere in Diagon Alley? There are a few things that I would enjoy catching you up on and I think you would gain a lot from it._

_Your friend, _

_Remus Lupin_

_P.S. Sorry, I had to use James's owl, for mine has come down with some kind of flu. Hope it didn't confuse you too much!_

Smiling a slightly confused smile, I quickly write a reply, saying how I would _love _to spend the afternoon with him, before sending it off with James's owl. Laying back on my bed and closing my eyes, I fall asleep wondering what the next day will bring.

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><p>"Remus!" I cry happily when I see him awkwardly shifting from one foot to another in front of our chosen location, pulling him in for a hug. He smiles and pats my back, before pulling away. When I get a good look at him, I see he has huge bags under his eyes and a few cuts and bruises and I realize a few nights ago must have been the full moon.<p>

"Hullo Lily, how are you?" he asks as we meander into the small shop, a simple coffee shop with the best pastries I've ever tasted in my life.

"I'm... Well, you know, I could lie to you Remus, but we both know I'm a shit liar, as well as I'm sure that James has told you everything that happened the night before we left for the hols. Frankly, I'm not doing so well."

He nods, as we make our way up to the counter, ordering our drinks and sandwiches, before picking a corner table and taking our seats. I nibble on my lunch, taking a sip from my mug, before piping up and saying, "So, why did you bring me hear?"

"Lily..." He starts, practically burying his face in his hands before sighing, and stating, "You love James."

I start to reply, "I don't-" but he doesn't let me finish.

"I know you do. Shit liar, remember?"

I chuckle, "Okay. Yes, I do. Go on, then."

"Fight for him, Lily. Fight for him."

I shake my head, "Remus, I'm all strung out, I've tried and I can't anymore."

"No, I mean, _really fight for him_." He rubs his temples like he can't decide what to say. "Tell him everything you feel, every little bit. You let him go so easily, just... Just fight for him, Lily, I don't know what more to tell you."

"What should I say?" I plead, "How do I fight?"

"He's gotta be the one to tell you," Remus mutters, almost to himself.

"Tell me what?" I ask calmy, hoping not to blow up like I did the last time.

Silence ensures, before finally, with almost a remorseful tone, he speaks up and says, "Lily, he didn't want to break up with you."

"What does that _mean?" _I blurt out, completely aggravated. "I get it, he's not a relationship guy, I don't really think I can change that."

_"Just fight for him, goddammit!"_ I don't think I've ever seen Remus so utterly exasperated. "Just... he has a reason, for not being with you. Tell him, tell him you don't care. Or better yet, ask for the full story, tell him you will decide afterward, that might make him tell you a bit easier. But if you lay it down on the line, if you tell him _exactly _how you feel, you've got nothing to worry about."

"And why is that?"

"Because he feels exactly the same."

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><p>When I board the train, I don't see him. When I enter the school, Alice by my side as well as a racing heart inside my chest, I still don't see him. Finally, I spot him when we enter the Great Hall, but I can't really just confess my love for him in front of all these people. Strategically, I wait until I after dinner, when he usually visits the Head's Office, and slip in, telling Alice I need to spend some time in the library.<p>

Just as I predicted, he is sitting there, intently staring at some sort of essay he must have procrastinated doing over break. He doesn't even seem to notice I'm there until I take a seat next to him, making him whip his head to the side and clutch his heart.

"Shit Lily, you nearly gave me a heart attack!" Even then, I feel as if my heart is racing faster then his seeing how nervous I am.

"We need to talk," I reply, completely disregarding his statement.

James looks at me nervously, and says, "Well, I've got this paper to write so maybe some other time..."

"I love you." I throw it out there, sick of holding it to myself, sick of not telling him. I'm doing what Remus told me, _I'm fighting for him_. He looks taken aback, for I'm sure he definitely didn't expect that.

"Wh-what?"

"I said that I love you. I didn't just love you back in the summer, I didn't just love you when school started. I love you, right here and right now, and I want to be with you." He sits there, essay now fallen to the floor, with his mouth gaping open at me.

"Lily, I don't think you really know what you are asking for," he mumbles, running a hand through his hair.

"Goddamit James, I don't care," I yell, standing up and throwing my hands out, "I love you, I love every little piece of you, every imperfection and flaw you may have doesn't stop my heart from racing everytime you walk into a room or my breath hitching when your hand brushes mine. I love everything that you are and everything you've come to be over the years."

Sitting with his elbows on his knees, he props his head in his hands and just combs his fingers through his raven hair, gulping loudly a few times.

"I want to tell you," he finally whispers into his hands, "I just don't know if it's the right thing."

Taking Remus's advice again, I say, "Just tell me James, tell me and I will decide then if I want to be with you. I will take everything you say into consideration."

Nodding, he pats the seat next to him and I take it again, and so he starts, "It was the night that you came over to my house for dinner, to meet my parents. God, you charmed my mum, she was so... so pleased that I had finally gotten a steady girlfriend, even more pleased that it was you, because as you can imagine, I talked about you a lot." At this, I blush and turn my eyes toward the ground, not so secretly pleased that his mum had taken a liking to me.

"My dad... well, let's just say he had a different view on the situation. He didn't see it as me finally being happy, he didn't see how in love I was or the fact that I had finally roped you in. No, he saw it as...as some sort of political statement I was making to the world, even if we weren't out as a couple. Things get around pretty easy at the Ministry, like who's dating who, and though it shouldn't, blood status always enters the picture.

"He called me into his office that night, he told me he thought you were a sweet girl but... But that I couldn't date you any longer. He said it would ruin his reputation, not to mention if we ever... you know... if it got more serious and we were to tie the knot, the child wouldn't be one of pureblood status."

He pauses, and I take the opportunity to interject, saying, "I get it, James, your father's respect meant that much to you. I understand why-"

"God, Lily, you really are bonkers, aren't you? Do you really think that my father's disapproval really meant _that _much to me? No, Lily, he told me that if I continued dating you that he would have you blacklisted, he said he would make sure you never got a job at the Ministry, including Auror. He's a very powerful man, Lily, he could do it in a heartbeat. He said if I didn't break it off with you, he would kick me out. I would take that risk, I would, but it would also mean Sirius would be out too, and I can't do that to him, I can't make him go back to his family.

"Lily, if I thought there was anyway I could still be with you, without hurting you, I would do it. But there are too many risks, there are too many things that could go wrong or people that could catch us if we kept it a secret. And there was you, and you were telling me how hard it was for you and I wish I could have told you, everything, but the reason you came to the camp in the first place was to learn how to fly to become an Auror and I couldn't take that away from you."

"And Amanda?" I ask, not really wanting to hear the answer but knowing I have to ask sometime.

"She... well she was a distraction. I tried to fill the gaping hole in my heart with something, and there she was. I feel bad, for leading her on, but... But Lily, she wasn't you. _She isn't you_."

"I think it's my turn to ask the question," I say after a moment, looking up into his eyes and smiling slightly.

"I don't..."

"Do you love me?" I ask, my hands shaking and my heart racing and my head spinning. "Please."

He doesn't hesitate to breathe out a, "Yes."

"Then nothing else matters."

And suddenly I'm throwing myself at him, hands on his chest and mouth on his, _so much better than before_. Now, it's so much more real, as I'm allowed to kiss him with all the love I have for him. I shove him down, so I'm laying ontop of him, on the couch, and I can't get enough of simply tasting him.

I move my hands to his hair, as he greedily pushes his mouth against mine, nipping at my lower lip before sweeping his tongue across it. I move my mouth to his ear, slowly kissing the lobe before moving down to mouth kisses across his neck and down him collarbone, lightly nipping at the raised skin. I feel him slowly growing hard beneath me, but don't feel like stopping like all the times before in the summer. His hands move to my waist, and just as they are travelling to the hem of my shirt, as if to lift it up, he pushes me slightly away.

"Lily," he breaths, making me pout at the lack of contact, "We need to stop."

"Why?" I whisper in his hair, slowly kissing behind it and running my finger just along the top of the waistband to his slacks.

"Because we need to figure this out!" he cries, "Lily, you don't realize the risks...I shouldn't be doing this. And you, you shouldn't be risking your future for me"

"I love you, you love me, and even if we can show it to everyone, I want to be with you. Can't it just be that simple, for _now?"_

"Lily, no one can know, not Alice or the Marauders or your family. Do you realize what I'm saying?"

I sigh, "James, I know what I'm getting into. Please. Can't it be simple? Just you and me, in love, for now, just that simple."

"Okay," he gives in. And then I'm kissing him and finally everything seems okay again.

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><p><strong>AN: YAY THEY ARE BACK TOGETHER LET'S GET IN FOR A GROUP HUG HERE *squeezes you all tight* IT'S AN EASTER MIRACLE! Also, I just want to apologize for not responding to reviews lately. I got behind and have been pretty busy, so when I get the chance to come on here, I know you all probably want a new chapter over a reply to your reviews. But I promise to answer all new reviews for this chapter. THANKS AGAIN TO EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED SO FAR, I FREAKING LOVE YOU.**


	29. Back to the Way Things Were

**A/N: Hey guys! SOOOO SORRY IT'S BEEN SOO LONG but in our defense we were on spring break and i was out of the country and couldn't really write over there. since i had no computer. anyway. remember all that long time ago when if you reviewed we'd put you as an OC in our story? well, that starts to happen in this chapter! it continues in the next one, but sorry you had to wait so long for that...our bad. Anyway, now our beloved OTP is back together again! YAY! I'll let you get on with reading so you can rejoice in the beautifulness that is Jily. Okay baiz.**

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><p>Lily and I walk down to breakfast together the next morning, and what should be a ten minute-trip takes triple that amount. It may or may not have to do with the fact that we stop in a secluded area or empty classroom or secret passageway to snog every opportunity we get. God, I've never been this head-over-heels for a girl before. Sure, I did a lot of snogging with some, but I've never been this...content before. Content without having sex, content seeing them smile, content with just the brush of our fingers together as we walk down the hallway. Not even holding hands. Just the occasional light touch. Neither of us want anybody to catch us. That would be awkward, at best.<p>

Just to not be suspicious, Lily and I sit a few seats away with our respectable groups of friends, but I can't help shooting a quick glance over at her every few seconds. Sirius, Remus, and Peter all seem to notice my good mood and pester me about it, but whenever they do I just shrug and change the subject.

"Hey, James," I hear a female voice say behind me, and for a second I hope it's Lily. But it's much too...sultry and flirty-definitely not the tone she'd take with me now in public. I spin around and see Amanda there, and all I can think is just shit.

I completely forgot about her. Call me crazy, but I totally had other things on my mind.

"Um, hey. I was actually just about to look for you," I lie. "There's something I need to talk to you about."

"Great," she says, looking much too pleased at that. "Shall we go somewhere more private?" Ugh. Not that I'm sure why, but just the thought of being somewhere "private" with Amanda makes me want to puke.

"Yeah," I stammer. "Private sounds...not...bad..." So awkward. I look at my friends-all of them looking at me with partially confused, partially incredulous facial expressions-before grabbing my bag and following Amanda out of the Great Hall. Just as I reach the door I turn back to look at Lily, who's watching me. I give her a facial expression that I hope she reads as "God, please help me," and I figure she does, given the small chuckle I see that follows it. I turn back around and walk out, stopping with Amanda by a tapestry a ways down the corridor.

I stop in front of her and she grabs my shirt, pulling me down to kiss her. Before our lips make contact, however, I lightly push her away and start to speak. "Amanda, I really am sorry, but I don't know how to put this less than simply. I just don't really...like you. I'm sorry to have led you on, but I'm not feeling anything."

She looks extremely confused, and while I do feel bad for doing this to her, I know it's either her or Lily. And gee, what a hard decision that is.

"But...I thought what we had was...special..." she stammers, and I can see her eyes start to get watery. Oh shit, please don't start crying. I'm not very good when it comes to crying girls at all.

"Hey, calm down, now. It...it was special. But that's the thing. For me, it just...isn't anymore," I lie. Special? Hell no. Maybe it was a while ago, but it definitely lost its "specialness" this past year. But what was I supposed to say?

"Well," she says, giving me a very half-hearted smile. "Thanks for telling me now instead of later. And it wasn't if I could tell that you didn't really like me." Wait, what? That catches me by surprise.

"What do you mean by that?" I ask.

"James, I've known this whole time that you never really liked me. Not as much as someone else. And I get that. I'm not saying I'm fine with it, but...I get it. Bye, James. Maybe I'll see you around." She turns and strolls away, walking down the hall at a casual but quick pace.

Well. That went much better than expected.

Right after that interesting exchange, I just decide to walk back to the Heads common room, where I can expect to see Lily soon. Seriously, that thing is amazing. Only the two of us can get in it and we already have a great excuse to be in there. So basically, it's the perfect place to just snog all we want.

Sure enough, a few minutes after I sit down on the couch she walks in, pausing by the door. "So, uh..." she says. "So what did Amanda want?"

I grin. "To the point, much?" She scowls at me and comes to my seat. I want to her to crawl under my arm, to that one place she seems to fit perfectly, as if we were made to fit together. But she chooses to sit on the direct other side of the couch, kicking up her feet and putting them in my lap.

"Sorry for being curious about what other girls wanted with my boyfriend," she mumbles, and my heart skips a beat when she calls me her boyfriend, but I'm snapped out of my temporary state of wonder when she says, "That is what we are now? Boyfriend and girlfriend again?" I smile.

"Lily, love, I couldn't think of anything I would want more. Except maybe for you to actually get over here," I say, motioning for her to come closer to me. She grins widely and obliges, cuddling up next to me. And that's just another example of why I'm so content with this relationship as supposed to past ones: I actually enjoy cuddling. I crave it. What a girl this girl has turned me into. Wait, what?

I look down at her and say, "Just so you know, Amanda wasn't exactly looking for conversation, if you know what I mean. But I didn't let her lips get anywhere near six inches of mine, I promise. I also carefully mentioned that I wasn't interested in continuing our...well, you can't exactly call it a relationship, can you..."

"So you dumped her?" Lily clarifies.

"Erm...to put it bluntly, yeah. I guess I did dump her."

"Okay. I guess I can live with that." I grin down at her as she steals my glasses off my face, making everything incredibly foggy and hard to see. Everything except her beautiful face right in front of mine, the hard lines when it's all a blur. Both literally and figuratively.

"Would you have preferred if I not had dumped her?"

"No, I'm fine with the dumping of Amanda. It would definitely had made things in this relationship a little awkward."

"Well you know what I think?"

"What?"

"We're talking too much."

"And how do you suspect we change that?"

"I think you know what I'm thinking."

"Really? Because I think you're going to need to show me what you were thinking."

"Oh trust me, I can definitely do that."

And after that, we stop talking for quite some time.

It's all I can do not to stare at Lily during our classes-in my defense, the ponytail she has her hair in just shows of her bare neck. A place that I would very much like to be kissing right now. But no. Instead I'm stuck staring at it slightly creepily while she talks to Melisa Habibovic, her Transfiguration partner. Don't get me wrong, I've never had anything against the laidback and pretty Hufflepuff girl, but right now I hate her.

How come she gets to talk to Lily? She's not even her boyfriend! I know I'm being unreasonable, but this whole secrecy thing is kind of slowly killing me. What I would give to just hold her hand in public...

But I know I just can't risk that. Letting anyone know of our relationship would make it somehow get back to my dad, I just know it. And my dad would be pissed if he knew I was back with Lily. That sounds so ridiculous to me. Why should my dad have such hold over my relationship? Unfortunately, he doesn't just have hold over my relationship. He could possibly have hold over Lily's future career. That's just a risk I'm not going to take.

Him finding out, I mean. So long as there's no chance of that happening, no one in hell could stand in the way of me being with Lily again.

We have a prefect's meeting that night, so Lily and I head to our office early to prepare what we're going to say. Well, we start off by doing that, but somehow we start having a passionate debate about whether there's something going on between McGonagall and Dumbledore. By the time the first prefects walk in, the two of us are laughing so hard, Emily Canteony and Kiki Cunningham just give us really weird looks, obviously baffled by the way we're acting around each other.

In fact, I feel a little bad for the prefects, seeing as the whole relationship between me and Lily must have been really confusing for them. First, we were slightly bitter towards each other. Then, we ignored each other completely. After that, we slowly started warming up to one another, and now here we are, laughing and talking like old mates. It really must be extremely confusing.

The rest of the meeting goes without a glitch, although Kiki does manage to somehow knock over a potted plant in the middle of my speech about tallying house points. Kiki's great, but she's a total clutz. It's kind of funny in an awkward way.

After that, we go on rounds together, continuing our game of Truth as if that whole oh-yeah-now-we're-together thing never happened. Well, it would have been like that, except for all the kissing...

We walk along a moonlit corridor, one side of the wall flanked with high windows and the other covered in portraits of famous witches and wizards, snoozing in their frames. Lily stops as she comes to an alcove looking out over the lake, and I stroll over to stand beside her, alternating my gaze between the view out the window and her gorgeous face.

"Do you ever kind of stop and think...about how being here is going to end soon?" she says quietly, not ripping her gaze from the window. "Soon we'll graduate from Hogwarts and be out in the real world. Fighting our own battles by ourselves. Living on our own. We won't have school to feed us, or house us, or let us try again when we mess up. It'll be just us against the world. Alone."

My hand slowly travels to my hair-a habit I have for whenever I'm nervous. And right now, I am nervous. Because then I say: "Well...it doesn't have to be like that. You don't have to fight your battles by yourself. You don't have to live on your own. And you definitely don't to take on the world all by yourself. I mean, unless you wouldn't want..." I trail off, focusing my gaze on the ground in front of my feet.

"What do you mean? Unless I wouldn't want what?" Lily asks, now looking at me.

"Well, you see...I always planned on getting my own place after I graduate. Like a flat in London, or something. And I mean, unless you would rather live on your own, or something, maybe you could, like...maybeyoucouldlivewithme," I finish rather quickly, so much so that I don't even know if she understood me.

She doesn't reply for the longest time, but after what feels like decades of silence, she says, "Are you asking me to live with you?"

"Well, I mean...erm, it could...I...I guess...yeah. Yeah, that's basically what I'm asking." I finally bring my eyes to meet hers, and they have a certain fire to them. One I've definitely seen before, no doubt, but this one is...different.

"Do you really mean that?"

"Er...yeah! Yeah, of course I do!"

"You want me to move in with you? In your own place?"

"Why? Would you want to?" I ask quickly, suddenly afraid that she'd find the idea of living with me so ridiculously insane she'd never consider it. "I mean, I know we're both so young, and don't know what we're doing, but I do know that I love-"

"James," she says suddenly with a soft chuckle, and I instantly shut up. "I get where you're coming from. And I...I do want to move in with you. But I don't know if that's what I'm going to want in the future, or if it's truly the right choice. So for now...I'm going to have to think about it. I hope you'll understand."

"Of course I understand, Lily! I...It was ridiculous of me to ask, I know, but everything is so uncertain right now. And you're just...certain. A thing I'm certain about."

"It wasn't ridiculous, James. Just...just early."

"Just early." She nods with a soft smile.

"All I know about me and you is the right now," she says. "And I'd prefer if we keep it that way." I smile back at her.

"I can live with the right now," I reply, starting to continue on down the corridor.

"Oh, can you?" she asks playfully. I nod enthusiastically.

"Definitely. Especially if the right now involves snogging." She laughs and playfully shrugs me, but I catch her hand and say, "Actually, I'm being serious." All she does is wink and run down the corridor with a giggle, leaving me to grin, shake my head, and chase down after her.

Chasing down Lily Evans seems to be a common habit in my life. But now I know that catching her seems to be one also.

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><p><strong>AN: Awwww cute stuff yeeeah. Next chapter will be up in two to three days (lolz our updating schedule is so irregular). But until then, keep in mind that we respond to all reviews, so go ahead and click that little button down there...you know you want to...LOVE YOU GUYS 3 XOXO Maddy**


	30. Perfection Never Lasts

**A/N: Sorry for the delay but I wanted this chapter to be perfect. Enjoy!**

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><p>And suddenly, as soon as I'm happy, life seems to take a turn for the worst. Teachers seem to start loading up the homework to prepare us for NEWTs which are scarily approaching faster and faster, even though it's still January. Head Duties seem to have increased tenfold, Dumbledore asking for dates for Hogsmeade trips and prefect's schedules twisting and turning as Quidditch Captains start requiring practices more often. And of course there's the fact that me and James can't be seen together in public, unless it's for a quick chat or friendly question about rounds.<p>

Alice doesn't seem to be too suspicious, seeing as I've started taking time from my studying to spend with him, most of the time curled up next to him in the Head's Office, just talking or rediscovering each other, making up for all the time we lost. God, it feels good, just to be able to skim my fingertips across his cheek or hook my ankle around his and kiss his forehead. Every moment with him feels like heaven and I can't believe I didn't give in sooner.

"I love you," I mutter into his chest one evening, as we are just lying on the couch in the office in silence, his fingers tracing patterns up and down my arm. We are completely content with not saying anything, just enjoying the other's presence.

"You too," he smiles back at me, and I can't help but feel giddy nerves race through me, just hearing him say it.

"During the summer, when I said it first to you, did you love me then?" I ask, shifting over so I'm facing him, yet still lying on the couch, my back facing the edge of the cushions.

James reaches up to tuck my hair behind my hair, saying, "Yes. I know I said I loved you back in fourth and fifth year... but I think I really only loved the _idea_ of you. But it was the summer when I really fell hard, you have no idea how much I wanted to say it back."

I then grab his wrist that's on my ear and look up, into his eyes and feebly ask, "Do you think we're forever?"

He sighs and replies, "I don't know... But I love you, here and now, and that's all I care about."

"Good," I giggle, "I like that answer." It's like this absolutely perfect silence, where we are just basking in the glow of our happiness, where we can finally just be the two crazy teenagers, completely head over heels with each other.

We are snapped out of it, however, by the chiming of the clock and the realization that if we are both gone much longer, people would start to grow suspicious.

"You've gotta go," he states, looking down sadly at me.

"I could stay..." I trail off, honestly just wanting to stay with him.

He shakes his head, "No, no, you should probably go and hang out with Alice, and I should get some homework done."

"Hey did you make up with Sirius?" I ask as I pull my satchel over my shoulder and grab my jacket.

"Yeah... things are still a bit weird but we pull through, we always do." He runs a hand through his hair and looks slightly dejected so I walk over and give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Goodbye, love," I murmur into his cheekbone, before I'm off, flitting back to the dormitory after only being gone for less then a hour. It may not be a lot of time, but it was worth it. Everything is worth it just to be with James.

"Hey, can you hang out for a bit before rounds tonight?" I ask James one afternoon, as we walk to class together. Usually, we stray away from walking together, but since we are meant to be friends, we decided it would be okay a few times per week.

"Sorry," he apologizes, "I wish I could but I scheduled extra practices all this week and next before rounds to prepare us for our upcoming match against Ravenclaw. They've gotten pretty good and I don't want to lose the Quidditch Cup to them like we did last year by only ten points."

"Hey, no problem," I say, though I feel slightly disappointed, for I was going to try to surprise him by having the house elves bring up some of his favorite desserts. I noticed that lately he seemed quite stressed and thought it would be a good way to relax him.

"Maybe another time?" he suggests half-heartedly, before we reach the classroom and take our assigned seats across the room from each other. I have a feeling he will be changing plans a lot.

It actually happens a few times more before it starts getting to me, mostly because I try to convince myself it means nothing. A lot of times it seems like he's leaving the office just as I'm arriving, or he has scheduled yet _another _practice to try and beat Ravenclaw. It's not as if my life is centered around him and his schedule, but when you've had approximately one hour of alone time with your boyfriend in the past three weeks, it starts to get you down.

Rounds are no use, because it seems like every time the halls start to die down and there's no trouble, another snogging couple pops up or a first year out of bed. After the few weeks of the honeymoon phase wore off, we realized how careful we really have to be, how many situations we can get caught in.

I try to stay busy, with Alice and Marly and Mary, I try to focus on my studies and not the diminishing amount of time that I'm spending with James, but every time my thoughts grow silent it seems to crop back up.

I'm sitting in the library one evening, idly chatting with my younger friend, a fifth year from Ravenclaw, Isabella (Izzy for short) as I tutor her for her upcoming astronomy exam. She grunts with annoyance, as she see's the number of pages we have yet to go through.

"This is hopeless," she sighs, "I'm awful at astronomy. Every other subject I can grasp, I don't know why this one is giving me so much trouble."

I bite my lip and offer, "Why don't we try tomorrow night?"

She shakes her head, her shoulder length black hair cascading around her, and says, "No, I can't give up now. I _need_ to get good marks on this assessment." Nodding, I go back to flipping through the pages with her, knowing she is as ambitious as I am, and when we want something, we won't stop until it's in our grasps.

After about ten more minutes, I hear a soft thud, and upon looking up, I see James has plopped himself down in the chair next to me, looking slightly winded but also with a small smirk on his face.

Isabella glances up, giving a nod in James's direction, before saying, "I think I'd better go." She stands up and gives a wink in my direction and I roll my eyes, trying to pretend that there was nothing between me and James. She must have picked up on it before, being the smart girl she was, but it lent itself to worry, knowing she had an idea of what was going on.

Once she's out of earshot, I giggle, "What did you do?"

He waits a moment, catching his breath, before saying, "Just a bit of messing with Filch, me and Sirius haven't pulled a prank in forever. And I know the last place he'll look for me is in _here._" My heart drops slightly, knowing he didn't come in here to see me, rather as a cover.

"Oh," I reply simply, before looking back at my book, slightly frustrated with him.

"So, since I've run into you, want to go hang out in the office for a bit?" He offers and I let out a huff, before looking up at him.

I shake my head, saying, "Well, as you can see, I'm trying to do work right now."

"Come on," he urges, "Those aren't due for another two days, just come relax." He pokes me in the side and flashes me a bright smile, not getting that I'm _not _in the mood.

"James, I'm serious, I need to work." The fact is, I don't really need to do them, in fact, my free time has actually led to me getting most of my work done days, sometimes even weeks, ahead in my homework, but I just want him to see how it feels. It's petty and stupid but I can't help it.

He groans, "We've barely talked in days, almost a week, what's going on?"

Rolling my eyes and clenching my fists, I bite back as quiet as I can, "And whose fault is that? Get your head out of your fucking arse and realize that I'm not going to wait around here forever for you to go pull pranks and schedule even _more _Quidditch practices, without paying a speck of attention to me unless it's convenient. Don't treat me like I'm some sort of burden!"

"Lily-" he starts, but is interrupted by the sound of my sliding my books and paper into my bags.

"I've gotta go get this work done. Why don't you find me when you figure out when you can pen me in, you know," I say, now in a low whisper, "your _girlfriend."_

With that, I rush out, not wanting to turn around, knowing I will only see his crushed face. And I just can't believe it, that after only a few weeks, this is what is happening. Our relationship, already crumbling around us. I'm mad and upset and the fact is I feel so unwanted, so unloved by him.

"Lily?" calls a voice from behind me, and I whip around to find Mallory Seeder, a seventh year Slytherin approaching me in the empty corridor, a look of concern on her face. "Are you alright?"

Apart from more conniving and judgmental Slytherin, she has always been kind to me, as she is a prefect and is someone I have been able to count on this year to never miss rounds. Part of me wants to spill out my story, to let it come bursting from my mouth, but I shove it back down into my lungs.

"I'm fine," I mumble, willing my timid voice not to give me away.

"Cut the crap," she says dryly, "I know when there's something up." She throws one of her gangly arms around me, leading me over to one of the windowsills on the side of the hallway, and sits down with me there. Running a hand through her short, pixie cut, she asks, "What's really up?"

"There's this guy..." I start, trailing off once I see her raise her eyebrows and amend my statement so she doesn't figure out who I'm talking about. "He's... I mean-He lives kind of far away, we write letters. We are dating, we just got back together over break but he seems... he seems to be writing less often than he used too and ignoring some of my letters. I just don't know how to handle it, because I love him, but I need him to be here for me too, ya know? I know he's busy and that's why they aren't coming all that usually but sometimes I want to be put as first priority sometimes."

Mallory looks at me and gets quiet for a minute, and I have a feeling she's gone through something quite the same, before replying, "Tell him, before it's too late. Communication is key, you can't keep this to yourself, you can't risk your relationship over something that silly." I nod in thanks to her, before waving goodbye. I don't know if I can talk to him now though, for I am too worked up, so I make my way back to the dorms.

I refuse to let myself cry, choosing the next best option, throwing my bag down and climbing into the hot shower, letting the scalding water pour over my face, barely moving an inch. After a few minutes standing under the heat, I slowly massage shampoo and conditioner through my hair, before stepping out of the shower, slipping a towel on, and drying myself off.

Once I'm in my pajamas and comfy in my bed, simply reading an old book, I hear Alice come in. I nod once to her, as she points to the bathroom, signaling she's about to shower.

"Oh Alice, I hope you don't mind, but I borrowed some of your shampoo, mine was all out." She hums in agreement, not really saying much, before shutting the door rather loudly. I shrug to myself, not really knowing her deal, before I hear a tapping on my window.

When I open it up, there sits James's owl and the first thought that comes to my mind is to slam the window. But of course, I don't because I can't resist the temptation of opening the letter. The owl flies in, drops the letter on my bed, and then flits over to my owl's cage, taking a sip from his water.

I hold the note in my hand, James' handwriting on the front reading _Lily_. Shit, if it says something sweet and apologetic, I'm not sure I can stay mad but if it says something about wanting to break up, I'm not sure I can take it. Ugh, stupid pie has to ruin _everything_.

Finally, I break down and open it, but rather then finding a long winded letter, it only has one sentence on it. _Be in the common room at twelve._

Looking at the clock, I see it's only ten. Either he's giving himself time to cool down or he's giving me that time. Either way, I still have two hours to wait before I meet him there. Now, I have only one thing to do.

I wait.

I'm early, getting down there. It's eleven fifty-five and I'm sitting in the common room, waiting for James. But exactly at twelve, it isn't James who descends the stairs, but an annoyed looking Remus, who seems to still be in a sleep ridden state.

"Here," he says once he's standing beside the couch I'm sitting at, thrusting a black cloak at me, "Go to the head's office"

"Wait what is-"

"Put on the cloak, go the office, and tell James to leave me out of his apologies if it means I lose sleep. Have a nice night, Lily," he grumbles, before throwing the cloak into my arms and stumbling back up the stairs.

Quirking one eye up, I throw the cloak around myself, not really sure why I'm putting it on. The mystery disappears along with my boyd.

"An invisibility cloak," I murmur in shock to an empty common room, amazed at the piece of cloth surrounding my body.

I set off to my destination, wondering as I go where James got this amazing piece of magic and what I will find in the office when I arrive. I don't wonder for long, however, because the journey is short and I am there in no time. When I step into the office, I can't believe my eyes.

It's not overdone and though it's a bit cheesy, it's still sweet. The couches are pushed to the sides of the walls and in the middle sits a table with a few candles lit and platters of candy and sweets surrounding it.

"Lily," James says, who's sitting on one of the chairs, playing with the flame with his wand, "Is that you?" I realize at that point that he can't see me and whip off the cloak, a slight smile adorning my face.

"James," I giggled, "You did this all?"

Running a hand through his hair, he says, "I know it's not much and it's really cliche but... I'm sorry. I've been ignoring you lately because I have so many duties, with being head boy and quidditch captain. And I don't want the Marauders to get suspicious, well, albeit Remus who had already figured it out and confronted me when I looked so sad this evening. Guess we haven't been as sneaky as we've thought."

"Well... erm... Remus was the one who told me... to er... confront you and what not, before we got back together. I think it was inevitable for him to find out."

"Either way, I'm sorry Lily. I'm scared, of the future and my parents and everything I feel for you and I'm just not very good with romance. Forgive me, please?" I can't help the smile that spreads across my face and I nod happily.

"I overreacted," I say when he pulls me into his arms. "I just... I want to be the top priority in your life and I know that was wrong of me. I can't always come first.

"No," he says, shaking he his head, "You _should_ come first. I've lost you once and it isn't happening again. I love you."

"And I love you," I whisper, standing on my tip toes to peck him on the lips. He deepens the kiss, for only a moment, before pulling back.

"As much as I would love to continue, I believe we have some midnight snacks to eat," he says, gesturing towards the table full of food.

"That we do," I chuckle, before taking his hand and leading him over to the table.

Maybe we are in hiding and maybe it's not perfect but it's enough. And it seems like if it's enough for now, it might be enough for forever.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Not completely satisfied but I just needed to finish it. What do you think? Please review! Thanks so much to everyone who has, I love you more then you will ever know! MWAHAAHHAHA what am i saying i don't even know just ignore me. We haven't even started on the next two chapters so I have _no _idea when those will be up. Hopefully sometime this week, though, if we have chance to work on them today. **


	31. Letting Go

**A/N: This is it guys. This isn't a joke, not like before. Sorry it took so long to get out, it took a lot of effort. So.. just read and enjoy and I'll see you on the other side.**

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><p><em>Lily<em>

Time passed in the same way. We fought, we made up. The snow that so violently fell to the ground before it melted and turned into slush, moving out of the way for the budding spring flowers. At times, the distance between us grew to much. Not physical so much as emotional, the way we couldn't show more than platonic attraction outside of the little office or when we got time alone in the dorms (which was very rare indeed).

Remus watched us with a knowing smile, knowing that the pats on the arm and lingering stares for just one second too long meant a lot more than friendship. Sirius and Alice stayed oblivious, caught up in their own problems, not that I could blame either of them. The war grew quickly, expanding and blowing up like a powder keg and suddenly my life filled with prejudice more each day, whether it was just a nasty glare from a Slytherin or the spiteful spitting of the word _mudblood_ to me as I passed a Ravenclaw in the hallway.

My sister wrote just as rarely and my parents seemed quite ignorant to the danger they were in, no matter how many times I warned them what was happening in the wizarding world. James was there always, though, at the end of a bad day. His arms waited open for me to fall into as we would share our worries and hopes for the future, mine always ending in how I would help, how I would change the world when I became an Auror.

That dreamed changed, though, when in early May, I met with Dumbledore, being offered a position in the Order of the Phoenix. The offer was hard to refuse, when he looked at me over his half moon spectacles, using words like _revolutionary_ and _monumental_. Even then, I bit my lip and told him I would have the think about it, though never mentioned a word to James about accepting the offer, even when he told me of the own THE OWN WHAT...? he had gotten, immediately saying he would join.

I sit on my bed now, my things packed away as once again, I am ready to leave. This time, it's not just for the summer, for a Quidditch Camp I can't afford, but rather for the real world, never to return to Hogwarts again. I sit with an envelope in my hands, one that holds the answer to my future. _Either I got accepted or I didn't_, I think to myself, unsure of how to process everything going on. It's coming to an end, and I haven't even determined a second of my future. Not my job, nor my living space.

"Just open it," I whisper into the empty air around me, completely alone. Suddenly, the urge grows to be too much and I rip open the envelope, my hands shaking with tremors as I clutch the folded sheet of parchment.

After a moment of heart racing, body shaking, I unfold it and let my eyes scan the top sentence.

_Dear Ms. Evans, we would like to congratulate you on your acceptance in the Ministry of Magic's prestigious Auror Training program for the 1978-1979 school year..._

It goes on, but I can't read it any longer through my blurred vision, as well as it slipping from my slick-with-sweat hands. I crawl up onto my bed, pressing my back against the wooden backboard and taking a deep breath. I made it, I got everything I wanted in life.

_Why don't I feel different_?

It is a question that hits me from all angles, crushing down on me like the walls were closing in. Just at that moment, I hear the whoosh of a broom and a knocking on the door.

"Lily?" a voice calls tentatively, one I immediately recognize as James.

"Yes, come in. I'm alone."

He swings the door open and sees me here, shell shocked expression, and rushes to my side.

"You okay? You look like you've seen a Chimaera?"

"I got in," I whisper, almost inaudibly.

His facial expression grows, from shock to pure joy. He grabs my hand and pulls me into him for a bone crushing hug.

"I knew you could do it, I knew it. You are just so damn smart. Honestly, I never doubted you for a second."

I shake my head, stopping him in his tracks, before blurting out, "I'm not accepting it."

James pulls back and looks at me as if I've gone insane (which I might have) and says, "Are you joking? Lily, this is an _amazing_ opportunity, why wouldn't you take it?"

"The Ministry is corrupt," I point out, "And I doubt the training center is any different. James, I can't help the Muggles and Muggle-borns when I'm stuck in some bloody training center for a year. I want to go, _now_, I want to fight him. I want to join the Order with you."

And right at that moment, he looks at me with this look, this look that fills him to the brim and shimmers behind his hazel eyes. It's one for a love, of affection, but most of all? Pride.

"You are the most courageous person I know," he mutters into my neck, leaning down to give it a kiss.

"I want to move in with you," I continue, "If I can still take you up on your previous offer?" Nodding energetically, he opens his mouth to say something but I continue. "We need to tell your dad. I can't keep hiding this. I want to show _everyone_ how much I love you."

James stands there and I relish in the intermingling glow we are both radiating with. I wrap my arms around his neck, with his on my waist and slowly sway to the beat of a bright future.

"How did I end up with someone like you?" he asks, his lips hovering only a millimeter from mine.

"I have really, _really _low standards," I giggle, before he crashes his lips into mine and I pull him closer, licking my tongue across the back of his teeth and moaning into him.

He groans, "I want all of you, every little piece."

I hesitate for a moment, trying to figure out if he is saying what I think he is. "Everything? All the way?" I verify. He nods, obviously nervous from the way he runs one hand through his hair and adjusts his round glasses.

"Okay."

* * *

><p><em>James<em>

I know that I have no other option except admitting to my dad what's going on with me and Lily, especially the whole joining-the-Order thing. Who knows how he would take that. Don't get me wrong, it's not as if my dad is _against_ fighting against You-Know-Who and his followers, but I'm sure he would prefer something much more "practical" and less "dangerous." But I was firm on my decision. I know that what I really want-no, need-to do was fight alongside Lily. And if my dad was going to put up a fight about it, well then so was I.

Still, this thought doesn't make me any less nervous as I return home with Sirius at the end of the school year. Since I was well aware of how my dad would be finding out about my relationship with Lily later that night, our farewell at Platform 9 ¾ was...daring, to say the least. But I still think back on it and can't help but smile, feeling the familiar lightheadedness I get whenever Lily is involved.

I told Sirius that I'd meet him at the Apparation point and stood by Lily and her trunk, smiling down at her.

"We'll see each other soon," she said, and my hand instantly jumped to my hair as a kind of reaction.

"I know," I mumbled. "Although whether or not you'll see me in one piece, I'm don't know." She rolled her eyes as if to tell me _You'll be fine_, but I didn't give her a chance to speak. "Could I see you tomorrow?" I asked.

"Careful there. You don't want to look _too_ desperate."

"Right, that's why I said tomorrow. I _want_ to see you later tonight, but I'm willing to wait _all of tonight_ and _much of tomorrow_. See what I did there?" Now she laughed, although it didn't go without an eyeroll.

"You're ridiculous, James Potter."

"I know. But you love me anyway." And before she could utter another word, I swept her off her feet, dipped her down low, and kissed her passionately without giving a second thought to the people around us. Who, by the way, I could hear giving audible gasps along with practically _feeling_ their stares on the two Head Students. _Those two crazy teenagers,_ they were probably thinking. _Can't they learn to keep their hormones in check while in a public place? With young _children_ in the vicinity, no less?_

But frankly, who cared what they thought? All I was concerned about was the taste of Lily's lips and the feel of her hands in my hair and the sound of the orchestra playing-er, well, that bit might've been in my head, but the rest wasn't.

When we finally pulled apart and I set her back upright on her feet, all she said was, "So tomorrow will definitely work."

"Looking forward to it."

"As am I."

"Until tomorrow, then."

"Right. Tomorrow."

And without another word, the two of us turned on our heels and walked away. I could feel the stares of my fellow classmates, friends, Quidditch players, everyone, probably thinking, _Since when would Lily Evans actually let James Potter get away with kissing her?_ Really, their facial expressions were quite hilarious. But none as much so as Sirius's, who just looked at me and said, "Did I miss something?"

I shrugged and replied, "A lot. But I'll fill you in later." And on that note, I grabbed my trunk and his wrist and Apparated home, suddenly filled with the extremely nostalgic feeling of knowing that this would be the last time I came home after another school year at Hogwarts.

And now here I am, sitting with my parents at our kitchen table, trying to find the right words to say what I need to. My mother and father look at me expectantly, but my mum's facial expression is so much more softer. Hopefully _she'll_ understand the words I'm about to say.

"I'm back together with Lily," I say quickly, but not too much so that they can't understand.

"You are?" both of them exclaim, although with much different meanings behind them.

"Oh, that's so exciting, James! I know how upset you were when the two of you broke up, and I'm assuming that you're much happier now, right?" But I don't answer her, instead keeping my gaze locked on my dad's as he takes a _very_ deep breath and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"James, I thought we discussed this..."

"Discussed what?" my mother asks, looking confused and slightly suspicious. Both Dad and I avoid eye contact with anyone, suddenly finding extreme interest in the floor, the soup stain on the table, the pots hanging over the stove. Dad sighs and begins to speak.

"After Lily came over for dinner last summer, I spoke with James in my office. Don't misunderstand me, I did like Lily, but I was afraid that her being a Muggle-born wouldn't do my or my family's reputation any good. I was also just trying to look out for my son's safety. Given this whole war going on, who you associate yourself with is extremely important today. And James being associated with someone of her blood status...I didn't want to take that risk. I didn't want there being any chance of my son getting hurt."

Even though it reminds me of how furious I was when I first heard it, my heart softens at my dad's closing words. I guess he was just looking out for me...in his own awful, twisted way. I glance over at Mum, whose facial expression conveys shock and...well, and utter _rage._

"I guess now would be a bad time to mention that I'm joining the Order of the Phoenix..." I say casually, leaning back into my chair and ready to watch this thing unfold.

Dad's head snaps to me, but before he can say anything, Mum bursts out, "You try to keep him from this _one thing_ that makes him happy like nothing else either of us have ever seen, all because you're concerned about our _reputation_? I can't believe you, Richard! James is allowed to date whoever he wants to, _regardless_ of their blood status, and for you to suggest otherwise simply appals me. And James, if joining the Order of the Phoenix is what you really want to do...well, as long as you know what you're getting yourself into..."

"I do, Mum. Trust me. I _need_ to do this. I can't really explain it..."

"I understand, dearie," she says sweetly, lightly placing her hand on my arm and giving me a kind look. That, however, soon turns into a glare as it's directed at my father, before she says, "I mean, who would _I_ be to keep you from doing what you want? You are a legal wizard, after all. I think you can make your own choices now."

The sarcasm dripping from her voice is actually quite hilarious for me, so I know I should leave before I suddenly burst out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter or something. "Well, er, thanks Mum. I'll be going upstairs."

"Of course, Jamie." My father hasn't uttered a word this whole time, partially because he's still so shocked at my mum's outburst. Neither of us have ever seen her like that before. And it is just _awesome_.

I quickly dash up to my room, grabbing my wand and a hoodie, before smiling to myself and Disapparating. Because as it just so happens to turn out, maybe I can't wait all of tonight and most of tomorrow to see Lily again...

* * *

><p><em>Lily<em>

"I don't understand. Being an auror is _everything_ you've ever wanted." We're sitting in her house, on the floor cross legged, slowly sorting through her attic. Right now, we are going through an old chest and the only value it seems to hold is the record for amount of dust.

I shake my head, "No, helping the world, protecting people who are discriminated against is everything I've ever wanted. I just... I don't think being an auror will do that for me."

"But Lily... It would be me and you and _girl power_. We could be amazing together, best friends. And you're going to just give up?"

"You know I'm with James now. You are with Frank. Alice, things are never going to be the same like before." Alice pouts, obviously still perturbed that I had been lying to her about James. Every time his name is mentioned, a frown grows on her face. No explanation could soothe her damaged ego. By before, she knows I mean the summer, the summer where everything changed. We both grew; we experienced heartbreak and loss and what it meant to really become an adult.

"You're moving in with him?" she asks, and I glance up distractedly from the task at hand.

"Yeah," I reply, bobbing my head up and down.

"What's it like?" she says. "What's it like _knowing _ you are with the perfect person for you?"

"It's like..." I trail off, trying to think of how to explain it to her. "It's like... I don't need the ground because I'm too busy floating on air. It's like no matter what life throws at me... I know I'll be okay. Love, with no regrets, it is making me the happiest I've ever been. And right now, we are still in this honeymoon stage, which I know will pass, but that doesn't make it any less sweet. James makes me feel like maybe we can actually win this war. The feeling is..."

"Hope," she interrupts, and I nod at the word choice.  
>"Hope," I repeat.<p>

Alice looks up at me and takes the photograph from my hands, one too dusty to even make out the figures. When she dusts it off, however, we both find the frame to be empty. It's an ornate frame, with beautiful golden vines wrapping around the outside, with inlaid jewels lining the glass.

"That's a really gorgeous frame."

"Thanks," she says, "It was my Nana's, before she passed away." She traced the inside, her fingertips just brushing the bumpy edges. "Before she... before she went, she used to sit me down on her lap. She'd grab my hands and look at me and says, _'Remember, Allie, don't put all your eggs in one basket_.' And I'd just look at her and nod even though I didn't really understand what she was saying.

"I know you don't understand, Lily, but I'm doing what's best for me. I can't give myself to him, he holds too much power to _break me_. He's this sector of my life that I've found a way to wrap up in a basket and save for a rainy day, when I don't have to keep apart the rain and my tears. You and James are a beautiful couple, Lils, but me and Sirius just never could get it right and I believe there is a reason for that. So, I'm going to marry Frank and I'm going to love him with as much of my heart as I still have. I'm asking you to support me."

Tears form in my eyes but I choke them back, deciding to merely take the frame back from her and nod. I then too traced the outer rim of it, before putting it in the _to keep_ box.

A few months later, when she smiled and said _I do_, I found the box again. When I brought it to her at the reception, she just shook her head, letting the tears flow freely. She then nodded over to Sirius, who was standing sullenly at the edge of the dancefloor, studying his shoes intently.

I called him over and once he reached me, I held it out.

"What is this?" I just bit my lip and pulled him into a hug, which he gratefully returned.

"She's letting you go."

* * *

><p><em>James<em>

I've just returned from spending another fantastic day with Lily-showing her around the seaside Muggle town I grew up near-to find Sirius lying on the floor of our bedroom with no shirt and an old record player I didn't know we had playing what I assume to be Pink Floyd-he likes to play it whenever he's feeling down. I personally before this awesome wizarding band, The Flobberworm Project, for all of my emotional needs. Recently I seem to be living their song "She Hit Me with Her Stunning Charm." It's so cheesy. But it's so true.

What am I even talking about? Oh, right. Sirius.

"You okay, mate?" I ask him, referring to his position on the floor. He doesn't respond for a few moments, but right as I'm about to shrug it off and let him be, he says, "It's a funny thing, love is. I really can't think of anything as wonderful, terrible, and downright weird as love is."

"Okay, who are you and what have you done to Sirius Black? Cause the Sirius I know would never have it in him and make a statement as true and philosophical as that," I snicker.

"I've just...realized things, recently."

"Oh, yeah? What kind of things?" He sits up off the floor and leans against his bed.

"While I was in Diagon Alley heading to Gringott's to get the money Uncle Alphard left me in his will, I, er...I saw Alice there. With Frank. They were shopping together. Just...just walking around. Window shopping and such. And then I realized...that they worked. Alice and Frank are really good for each other. Probably more that she and I could ever have been. I don't think either of them saw me there, and I didn't approach them or anything. I just...observed."

"And?" I ask. "What was it that you observed?"

"How natural they seemed around each other. How easy and simple it really was. Things with me and Alice were never easy, were never simple. And I get that now. I realize that we weren't what each other needed. Sure, we had a spark. Sure, there were strong feelings behind that spark. But I think it was a good thing that it didn't grow to be much more."

"Huh. Wow. That's..."

"Oh, but I'm not done yet." Sirius grins, but it fades as he sighs. "I think she'll...I think Alice will always hold a place in my heart. I'm still not sure if I'll ever come across a girl that'll make me feel the same way Alice did. But I've realized that I could never really give her what she needs. She needs simple. She needs safe. Frank _can_ give her that. And if I'm keeping her from what she needs...more importantly, what she wants...well, I can't do that. I have no right to do that. So I think I've moved on. Or, if I haven't yet, I will be."

I'm speechless. I really have no words after that soul-baring speech. I just sit there, staring at this suddenly extremely wise man I call my best friend, who does nothing more but stand, pat me on the shoulder, and tell me he's going to take a shower.

Once I'm in the room alone, I start doing some thinking of my own: what was the difference between their relationship-Sirius and Alice's-and me and Lily's?

Sirius and Alice are extremely different. Anyone can see that. Sirius is radical and reckless, Alice is reserved and hesitant. Both are brave, but in opposite ways. But not just that, they're also just so different in the way they need to live their lives. Alice needs to know that at the end of the day, everything will be fine-that she and the ones she loves are going to be okay. Sirius lives for not-knowing, and that's the main reason they didn't work together, I think.

For everything Sirius and Alice don't have in common, me and Lily have something that we do. Both of us are more than ready to fight for what we believe in, no matter what it takes. The future scares us, but we know it's coming fast. We know we need to be ready for it, even if we don't know what it will throw our way. This is something that both excites and terrifies us, these little uncertainties that we have to overcome. These little riddles we have to solve. These little mountains we need to climb. And the best part is, we know we'll do it together. No matter what life throws at us.

Starting with the apartment we're moving into next week.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So... yeah, that's it. We were planning on doing a whole death eater kidnapping but it just didn't feel right, the message and plot line we had originally came up with had been completed and there were other things to be written. Er... there are a few things I need to say. 1) I want to that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU who read, reviewed, favorited, and alerted this story. Without you, I doubt we would have written this story. So, thank you, we love you more than ANYTHING. 2) Thanks to Debbie, who encouraged this and whatnot. You are the best (: 3) So... sequel. I'm not sure if there is going to be a sequel for this story. I'd love, love, LOVE to write one, but time may not permit it. Atleast not right away. But if you want a sequel, tell us in the reviews. I don't want to write one if it's not wanted! 4) Just because this story is ending doesn't mean others aren't starting! There is actually going to be a new, collab WIP on this account now that this story is ending, one called _(500) Days of Love_, written by Maddy and myself (Robin). It's a Jily fic based off the movie,_ (500) Days of Summer_. The first chapter of it is already posted on this account so if you have a chance, I'd love if you would check it out. Um... I think that's it... Thanks so much for reading, I will respond to ALL reviews for this last chapter through next week!**


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